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With it being the holidays my mom has been calling me more often trying to get ideas from me for various family members so she can get her shopping done.
She tells me during one of our calls the other day that she’s going to wrap some gifts together so it doesn’t look like she bought as much as she did and then went into how my grandmother told her last year that it looked like an excessive amount under the tree.
As unbiased as possible I want to say my grandmother is a little dramatic when she calls it “excessive”.
My grandmother came from a time where pajamas and a book or a small toy was Christmas and when my mom was a child she got more than that but less than us.
My mom usually does one big gift per person, some clothes, perfume/cologne, slippers, pajamas and some medium size gifts like video games. I wouldn’t say it exceeds more than 10 gifts a person and they’re not expensive gifts.
A lot my mom gets on sale and a lot of it is cheaper things like body washes, lotion, shirts that were on sale and wrapped individually.
We get everyone a couple gifts every year within our budget, we get things we can afford but gifts none the less, so it’s definately not one sided.
I think my grandmother just looks at it and makes judgements without thinking sometimes. Which is understandable at her age I just don’t want any fighting at Christmas, she’s 80 not stupid, I’m sure she’d see right around my moms packing methods.
And if this is in the wrong spot move it please.
I figured this was as good a place as any, it’s about the amount of gifts a parent buys their child(at any age).
We have 9 kids to buy for. I spend an average of 200-250 per older kid. The toddler is about 100. Each kid has 4 or 5 gifts each, except our middle daughter who has 6 this year because she didnt ask for a "big" gift. I buy a big gift they ask for usually around $150. Then fill it out with sale items.
Our Christmas tradition from day one with all of our children was three gifts: a gift from Mom (PJs), a gift from Dad (a book), and a gift from Santa (something from their wish list). That was it. To this day, their favorite gifts are the PJs and books. I personally think Christmas has become an absolutely obscene festival of materialism, and I'm glad that we set limits very early on. It has made holidays a lot easier over the years.
I give my kids each $150, and how they spend it is up to them. My oldest usually gets art supplies and my youngest buys video games. My mom gives them each $50 and gives me $100. We don't wrap presents to put under the tree anymore.
I switched to giving the kids money because my youngest has OCD and the holidays are a huge source of anxiety for her. She hates surprises and also hates the idea of Santa judging her behavior. The money thing is less stressful for her.
We have a new granddaughter this year, so I have consciously held myself back from going overboard. Gramps and I each chose a toy, and I bought a few outfits. I held back some things for her January birthday. Although I think children should have an abundant Christmas, it can get out of hand very quickly.
I sort of agree with OPs grandmother. When kids get too much, they don’t appreciate anything.
Too much is more than one can afford or more than what makes the recipient of a gift feel comfortable.
Your situation is a little different, but perhaps some of the gifts could be opened and put away either before or after your grandmother is there. Personally, rather than make Christmas a big to-do I prefer to buy nicer birthday gifts and keep Christmas to more token gifts.
Perhaps your mother should just tell your grandmother that it is okay, that she can afford to give all these gifts to her family. If she can't truly afford it, then your grandmother has a point, and is also likely to know the truth.
When I first married my husband 40 years ago, I was sort of appalled on the first Christmas with his family. The presents were handed out to the kids and they all opened them at once. Then the kids started complaining that so and so got something better than they did, and my husband got upset when he thought his son got fewer presents than another nephew. Let’s just say I reconsidered if I had done the right thing by marrying him.
In my family, we went around the room, opening one at a time, and expressing our appreciation to the giver. We would have never said anything negative about a present. You can bet that my husband and my family did it my way.
We have never allowed that kind of chaos in our family. Our process has always been to take the entire Christmas season, all twelve days, to spread out our visits with family and friends, so everyone has the opportunity to express gratitude for any gifts they receive. When our kids were younger, we also required thank you notes to be completed by Epiphany, and if they weren't done, all gifts were sequestered until I had those sealed, addressed, and stamped envelopes in my hands. Now that they are all grown, the thank you card process is firmly engrained.
We have never allowed that kind of chaos in our family. Our process has always been to take the entire Christmas season, all twelve days, to spread out our visits with family and friends, so everyone has the opportunity to express gratitude for any gifts they receive. When our kids were younger, we also required thank you notes to be completed by Epiphany, and if they weren't done, all gifts were sequestered until I had those sealed, addressed, and stamped envelopes in my hands. Now that they are all grown, the thank you card process is firmly engrained.
Kudos to you . Im sure people could tell your kids were raised right . I have this thing I do in restaraunts . When I see parents who have very well behaved kids I compliment them on those children letting them know that they have done a good job .
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