How common are good parents who bring terrible kids?

[sas318]

I've always wondered how the parents of criminals feel about their grown children and what they do.

[KaraG]

Originally Posted by sas318

I've always wondered how the parents of criminals feel about their grown children and what they do.

Unless they are criminals too they feel heartbroken, helpless, powerless, ashamed, guilty, sorry. You can't control your adult children. Many of those parents are raising their grandchildren because their kids chose a life of crime or drugs.

Some of the best parents I know are the ones that called the police on their own grown children.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke

All teens have difficulty adjusting to their new age and level of hormones and some teens have a more difficult time adjusting to their new level of hormones than others do. All teenagers bend to peer pressure and are less affected by their parents than they are by their peer group.


Well raised kids generally straighten out as they get a little older. But not always. If they have been exposed to drugs and gotten addicted, if they have some sort of mental illness that manifests when they are teens, if they get themselves a criminal record, then it is more difficult to come back.


A well raised kid, raised with love and boundaries, has a much better chance of getting through the teen years than a child that was abused or neglected. Over-indulged kids are more at risk, but they generally turn into OK adults if they don't self-indulge themselves with drug use.


Really, if you decide to be a parent, its a crap shoot about what kind of kid you get.


My opinion is that alcoholism and drug addiction have a genetic component, and it is going to be difficult to overcome that. Not impossible, but more difficult than not being born with it, and some kids are born with it and they are probably going to be difficult teens.

I have the same opinion, but it doesn't always make for a difficult teen. I had to throw out my alkie husband when my daughter was 8. I raised her to know what alcoholism is and how prevalent it was in her father's family--and that there is some on my side, too--and how she was in danger of being an alcoholic.

She understood, and she herself was terrified of becoming like her father. She was the biggest straight-edge geek in high school--totally into the marching band, dating the son of a preacher man from 14 - 20 and spending her teenage years in the youth group and the church band even though I had no involvement with a church myself. Never drank, never smoked a cigarette, never smoked weed. I thought I'd gotten through the most dangerous time for that.

Then in her second year of college, she decided she could have a drink here and there. Short version, it only took a few years. Not only did she have that genetic alcoholic component, she had the bipolar disorder I always suspected her father had but was never diagnosed. By 24 she was in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt.

It's been three and a half years now, and she is very active in her local ypaa, sees her medical professionals, has gone on to earn her Masters degree and is working on her PhD.

I will never rest easy and let myself think she has conquered this thing, but for now, she is OK. I also had to face the fact that I simply did not have the power, no matter how hard I made an effort, to override the genetic predisposition to addiction and mental illness.