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I wouldnt worry too much about her dying tomorrow from not eating veggies. We all know adults that never touch a vegetable. Yea not the healthiest, but they manage to live long enough to reproduce.
Oh really ought to replace rings with ones made of woven plant fibers... LOL Eat my ring, eat a veggie....
To be honest most supermarket veggies taste horrible (bred for shipping, not taste) and most people cook veggies to death. I got lucky, I grew up with lot fresh garden produce and liked wandering in garden eating stuff off the vine so to speak. Never occurred to me to refuse veggies cause they tasted good. Only veggies I wouldnt eat as kid was asparagus and rhubarb. They are pretty strong tastes for kid's palate. Even today only eat asparagus fresh out of garden. The supermarket stuff sucks. Where I live cant really grow rhubarb (its a northern crop), but if I could would eat it. You never see it in stores.
My notion on how to deal with the kid, no junk food in house, live a voluntary minimalist lifestyle. She doesnt want to eat when there is healthy food available to her, thats her problem. Believe me you get actually hungry, your standards go down when actual food available. And yea phone with no data. Its not easiest but can get such a plan in pre-pay, at least one with minimal data. She loses it as power play, well no more phone at all, tough tiddly winks.
The real problem is that if she wants to continue the war, she will start telling stories to teachers/councilors and getting child welfare people involved. Might do her good to spend some time in a foster home and learn bit reality of how "evil" her family really is.
I remember one time, my youngest said he hated me, and he was going to call CPS.
First I explained what would happen if he called CPS. I told him that someone would come and take him away, and put him in a foster home, and he would stay there indefinitely, since they would be doing an investigation, and they wouldn't think it was safe, at least until the investigation was over.
I explained he would likely be living for awhile in a stranger's home, sleeping in some strange bed, and living with THEIR rules. I explained he might have to go to a different school, and might only get to take a few toys with him. But still, if he thought that was best, I'd look up the number for him, or he could talk to a teacher or a counselor at school about it, and maybe they'd call CPS for him, if that's what he wanted to do.
Then I looked up the number and handed him the phone, and told him to go for it if he wanted to.
I think the therapy thing is a good idea. Some of what you describe is normal pre-teen/teen behavior, but the swallowing of the ring is just beyond what I would consider normal behavior.
I definitely think kids feed off of our energy. If we act out in emotion, so do they. The taking of the phone does not correspond to a kid not eating vegetables and it really doesn't make sense. Kids are quick to spot when we take action because we are angry or frustrated, and they respond in kind.
I would set expectations regarding common behaviors you are seeing and have some pre-planned actions that you will take and consequences that you will give. Make those actions and consequences correspond to her behavior. Also make sure you keep your emotions in check.
Here's the other big thing. Know which battles are the important ones. Don't fight every battle. Kids not wanting to eat vegetables is an every day occurrence. I'd focus more on reducing/eliminating junk food and candy rather than finishing off vegetables. Offer a variety of vegetables and encourage her to at least try it. Right now, I'm thinking this girl has an absolute hate/hate relationship with vegetables.
So I will give the some advice I give to "parents" who have dogs who are picky eaters.
Stop fussing.
Remove all sweets and desserts and sugared cereals from the house. Have some healthy snacks available, fresh fruit, peanut butter, raw veggies with buttermilk dip.
Do not say a word. Place her dinner in front of her. If she doesn't eat it, pick it up and put it into the refrigerator, without any comment or looks or any reaction at all.
She will say she is hungry. Get her dinner out and ask if she would like to have it reheated. She won't want it. Put it back into the refrigerator.
Never give her something better when she refuses to eat just so that she can have something better. You do not get ice cream offered if you refuse to eat your casserole. She gets what is in the house and what is on offer. She will eat when she gets hungry.
Have some consideration for her tastes in food. Don't serve liver to a kid who hates liver or steak to a kid who has decided to be a vegan. Hey, at least vegans eat their veggies.
Reduce portions and never ever tell a kid to clean their plate. We are raising a bunch of fatties in this country and teaching a child to keep eating after he is no longer hungry is not doing the kid any favors.
You (that's right, it was you, Mom) turned meals into a battle of wills and control. Stop playing. Don't let her know that you care what she eats or how much she eats.
Find out where all this candy is coming from. You have no concern that maybe she is shop lifting?
MY response to a kid who says they don't like a food is "don' t eat it then". Stop playing into the contest for power played out over food.
I'd sit her down and show her the combined cost of the ring and the doctors visit and figure out how many months she would be giving all of her allowance to pay for it.
1) Contrary to what a poster said above, a potato IS a vegetable. They are nutritious and should be eaten along with other vegetables.
2) The doctor didn't want to get you upset when he told you not to worry, but swallowing something of this nature can easily do lasting damage to one's digestive system. You said, "I am grateful that no lasting harm has been done." You won't know if lasting harm has been done until it comes out, and even then one can only hope for the best.
3) This can't possibly be the first or only problem you have had with this child. I am sure she is an angel in school, too (sarcasm). You need to get a good therapist for her ASAP.
4) Have you tried certain veggies prepared in a way that might be more palatable? For example, candied sweet potatoes? Or maybe some veggies such as squash or green peppers in the spaghetti sauce? Or pizza topped with plenty of veggies along with her favorite meat toppings?
5) You began by mentioning that your hubby has been away at work. Does she act any more respectable when he is home? Is it possible that she is acting out because she does not want him to be away?
6) Welcome to city-data and enjoy the free advice!!
With regard to "Princess":
1. Her phone would be gone. A flip phone with no texting, internet, etc., would be the replacement.
2. The computer would be used for schoolwork only. I would disable any ability to gaming, Instagram, etc. I'm sure there is a way to do this.
3. She would not be leaving the house for recreational opportunities until her chores are completed. I'd be doling out responsibilities right and left, and if they were not completed, access to the flip phone would be gone; television, too. This kid would think that a labor camp would be ClubMed when I got through with her.
4. Don't want to eat your veggies? Fine. Eat what I put on the table or make your own breakfast/lunch/dinner. I would also drag her along for the weekly grocery shopping trip. She would be expected to clean up her own cooking area, dishes, and place at the table, and if not done, the cell/TV goes away.
5. The ring: kiss your allowance goodbye unless and until the ring shows up - cleaned up and shiny pretty. She would find out in short order that digging through your own crap isn't pleasant, and I'd bet she won't pull this stunt again.
6. Inform her that inspections of her room will be conducted, and any candy will be confiscated and disposed of. Your house, your rules.
7. Parents MUST present a united front, above all else. Don't even give this brat a chance at divide and conquer.
8. Lather, rinse, and repeat until the little darling has a change of attitude. Remind her in no short order that you don't need her attitude; you've got one of your own.
9. As a prior poster indicated, if she gets it in her sweet little craw that calling CPS is the answer to her angst, let her know the potential consequences of her actions, and offer to dial the phone. Call her bluff.
You've let this power struggle go on FAR too long.
Cook normal food for your family. Skip desserts for awhile.
Stop fighting with your child about food. Let her eat what she wants. This is a power struggle, and I have never known parents to win these food power struggles with their kids. Don’t cook special food for daughter. Consider offering more raw veggies at mealtimes instead of the cooked ones.
But let this go. You cannot win.
With my three kids, my rule was they had to try the food offered at dinner if they were to eat dessert. But they were allowed likes and dislikes.
I admit that I was a super picky eater at the OP’s child’s age, but my mom’s cooking was pretty awful. No seasoning, all the meats were dry and overdone, etc. When my dad cooked, it was actually much better, but he did not have time to do so most of the time.
I actually like a wide variety of foods now, but it’s more about the preparation. I still don’t care much for potatoes in most preparations. Ultimately, I survived without being malnourished. My mom never forced us to eat anything.
First thing, don't make candy or chips etc available in your pantry. Don't buy any.
She doesn't like veggies but why doesn't she like them? Ask her. Does she like salads? Tomato soup? Perhaps she would prefer to have fresh veggies and ranch salad dressing as a dip.
Since it is more than her just obeying you to eat her veggies, your motive is you want her to have balanced nutrition. Right?
So you could disguise the veggies. Puree into sauces for pasta, chili, meat loaf, soup. Give her chocolate or sweet smoothies with vegetables and berries in them. Use stevia to sweeten without sugar. Try spaghetti squash with butter. Sweet potato fries (baked). Sandwiches with lettuce and tomato and meat (iffy). Corn on the cob with butter and a little salt?
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