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My five year old loves to have friends over . However, I find it hard to arrange kids to come over. I emailed all twenty parents in his class and only two responded. Of that only one resulted in two get togethers at our house.
In his neighborhood there are also several kids he is friends with. But when I reach out to the parents about playing together I don't get much response. Or one neighbor is glad to send their kid over to our house but rarely offers to have our son over .
So I get the impression most parents are not interested in having their kids play with other kids. Perhaps many kids prefer to be alone or don't like playing with my son? Or the parents have plenty of help around the house and don't value the free time from sending their kids to play elsewhere? Or perhaps general paranoia about not knowing the parents well enough?
My kids were too small before COVID hit to have any friends of their own so I don’t know what pre-COVID interaction with other parents was like. One child is in preschool now and the other one is still at home. My preschooler is friends with everyone in the class, but we’ve gotten one invitation for a birthday party in 5.5 months and no playdate invitations. I’m pretty sure most people (where I live, anyway) aren’t having gatherings for birthdays. Maybe playdates are the same way. The one birthday party was attended by almost everyone in the class, boys and girls. I’m pretty sure they invited the whole class, which I assume is the norm. So I am assuming the lack of invitations means lack of birthday parties outside the family unit. I know we only did a family party for our child’s birthday.
We haven’t invited anyone over and COVID is a good excuse…
Frankly, I hate having other people - even relatives - in my house. I feel like I need to clean it from top to bottom before anyone can enter. It’s stressful because with two young kids the place is always a mess. I know a lot of people are the same way. I want my kids to play with other kids, just not in my house…
Last edited by cowbell76; 02-18-2022 at 08:49 PM..
As a previous nanny for the under 6 crowd I found that few parents want to interact with others if it requires an extra burden on their schedule or they don't know them well personally.
Playdates are important for socialization but it can be draining on parents especially if there are additional children in the mix. Add COVID and the extra precautions along with not knowing peoples status regarding health and most people are still hesitant to jump into gathering outside their own families.
Maybe look into upcoming springtime activities or clubs you can join. It allows your child to make new friends or even join others they have from preschool. It'll also give you the chance to get to know the other parents better and establish relationships with them so you can earn their trust and foster opportunities for your child to have friends visit their home.
My kids were little well before COVID but we experienced the same thing. A lot of it came down to time. Most of their friends' parents were both working. That meant the kids were in either school or after school care until 5 or 6. Which was supper time, then bed. We actually put our oldest in after school care one year just so she could have play time with other kids. The big answer became sports. T ball and U-littles soccer (which if you haven't seen it is some of the best entertainment there is. The kids know nothing about soccer and will be picking dandelions one second and chasing a ball two fields over the next. Pure joy.) I understand the concerns about organized sports at young ages, but it got them outside, running around, and playing with other kids.
My five year old loves to have friends over . However, I find it hard to arrange kids to come over. I emailed all twenty parents in his class and only two responded. Of that only one resulted in two get togethers at our house.
In his neighborhood there are also several kids he is friends with. But when I reach out to the parents about playing together I don't get much response. Or one neighbor is glad to send their kid over to our house but rarely offers to have our son over .
So I get the impression most parents are not interested in having their kids play with other kids. Perhaps many kids prefer to be alone or don't like playing with my son? Or the parents have plenty of help around the house and don't value the free time from sending their kids to play elsewhere? Or perhaps general paranoia about not knowing the parents well enough?
There are two unfortunate problems with our society that may be at play here.
1. People tend to just hang out with high school friends. If you're not in that group, your kid won't get to play.
2. Parents have their kids overscheduled and may not have time.
We had not had many Covid cases at all here until about three months ago, when Omicron hit, partly because we have had changing restrictions the whole two years.
I believe my youngest grandchild, who is now in Year 1, has lost the most socially from this pandemic and he has only been on a couple of play dates and no parties involving his classmates. Parents have been being quite cautious up until now and the kids had about twelve weeks of homeschooling last year.
He is now getting more into learning to socialise, doing soccer one afternoon as well as swimming lessons and having the one close friend he has made come over for play dates. Hopefully as we learn to live with this, his opportunities for parties and so on will increase.
Let’s hope all these little kids around the world do not lose out permanently.
There are two unfortunate problems with our society that may be at play here.
1. People tend to just hang out with high school friends. If you're not in that group, your kid won't get to play.
2. Parents have their kids overscheduled and may not have time.
These are good points. We are not local to the area, having just moved here a few years ago.
One neighbor has their son in every activity under the sun. I don't know how that can supersede 1-1 play time with adults supervising and feeding them? Plus it's free unlike these expensive activities. Also the kid just has to walk over vs. driving to these activities.
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Originally Posted by koctail
These are good points. We are not local to the area, having just moved here a few years ago.
One neighbor has their son in every activity under the sun. I don't know how that can supersede 1-1 play time with adults supervising and feeding them? Plus it's free unlike these expensive activities. Also the kid just has to walk over vs. driving to these activities.
Do you know the parents? Usually, when you have play dates in my experience, its because you know the other moms and their kids - sending out email scattershot might be a good way to host a birthday party, but for the intimacy of a playdate, people like to know the other family.
Have you asked your son who he likes to play with at recess, and starting there?
I never had to schedule "play dates" when my son was little. I've never even understood the need to do this. My son played outside (or occasionally inside) with his neighborhood friends. I knew all the parents of course. I would not have a child in my home if I did not know, or least met, the parents. Maybe that is the issue. If not, maybe your child has a behavior issue and the other kids just don't like playing with him. It happens.
That age is tough because parents may not be keen on dropping their child off when they don’t know the parents well, but also may not be keen on making awkward small talk for four hours while they stay during the play date. Or simply don’t have that kind of time.
Honestly, I found play dates to feel like too much of a formal commitment; why not let kids meet and play together organically? Like just playing at the park, or the children’s room at the public library? He’ll get to interact with other children, who are there for the expressed purpose of getting out if the house to interact with other children.
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