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There are pros and cons to everything in life. Folks don't often view the same things as good/bad either.
i didn't have kids until I was 34. I could compile a pros and cons list of being childfree if I really wanted. Granted the con list might be fairly short.
Overall, I view my life with children as positive even despite the low-lights of the experience. If someone wants to know the truth, they deserve to know what they can expect to see. I used to be vehemently against the idea of ever having children, so I've done a complete 180 with no regrets.
Most people that have kids would say the pros outweigh the cons.
I dunno. Would they? There have been surprising studies that would challenge that. Many stated they love their kids dearly but would have opted out knowing what it was like after they had them.
Some of my friends and family constantly ask about me having kids. They go on and on about how cute they are and how much fun they are. However, after a drink or two, they open up about how time consuming kids are and how much trouble they are. I've even had one friend who admitted she regretted having children.
Why do you think many people are dishonest about the realities of having children? If not dishonest, they never seem to be mention all of the negatives.
Well, to me, being a parent is acknowledging that the good and the bad is 2 sides to the same coin.
Having children is not the same as having little baby dolls. With baby dolls, you give them a pretend bottle when you feel like it. With a real baby, you give a bottle or nurse when they're crying and hungry. With a doll baby, you never have to worry about changing a diaper. With a real baby, you'll change a million diapers (or it will seem like it) in the first 6 months. When you have dollies, you have tea parties and everyone is nice and polite and quiet. When you have toddlers, they'll say "NO" often and loud, and will throw their food across the room.
And it's these things that real kids do that drive you crazy, but also...it's what bonds you to your kids, and you marvel at their uniqueness, and wonder at their emerging personalities, and fall in love all over again when they smile and giggle at you.
It IS hard. And parents get tired and frustrated and sure...everyone needs a break sometimes. But I'll tell ya what, I'd sure love to do it all over again. I miss my boys being little.
Parenting is one of those things where you never quite know what you might get. You can plan your whole life of how you think things might be and end up with something so different. Kids have minds of their own, their own personalities that parents don’t always have control over. I think some people think they can mold kids to be a certain way but that’s not the case. I’m sure there are people out there that got very lucky with kids who never gave them an ounce of trouble and only made their lives better but I’m guessing these cases are few and far between. I think my kids made my life better but I can’t say it’s always easy. However I don’t know that things would be easy if I never had them either. I only have two kids and I feel like most people I know have 3 or 4. I sometimes wonder how those folks do it because I often feel like two is so busy. Heck I know some who have 5 or 6.
This is certainly true but a huge difference is that if you are in a bad relationship, you can easily get out and just be single for a while or find a new partner.
The non-optionality of the parent's commitment is truly scary. For those in particular who dislike children, and who take dim view of family-life, such fear is good cause to abstain. For nearly any endeavor in life, there's a way of backing out, even if it's costly. Divorce is costly and wrenching, but possible. Can a parent, who decides that parenting isn't tenable anymore, take his child to the orphanage, dropping her off and saying a final goodbye?
One of my deepest wishes for radical reform of society would be model it after Huxley's "Brave New World".
The next generation would be factory-incubated, raised by professionals, on a kind of assembly line. Adults wouldn't have children of their own. Amazing, is it not, how one person's abject horror is another's paradise?
I dunno. Would they? There have been surprising studies that would challenge that. Many stated they love their kids dearly but would have opted out knowing what it was like after they had them.
There are also a lot of studies that show that the more educated you are, the less likely you are to have children. I think this is because many educated people think about every single aspect of something before making a decision and it's usually fact based and not emotionally driven. Having children doesn't look good on paper and the only compelling reasons for having them are based on emotions.
In past centuries, people had children so they could work on the farm and provide free labor. We don't live in such a society anymore, so the only reason to have children is "because I want to".
There are also a lot of studies that show that the more educated you are, the less likely you are to have children. I think this is because many educated people think about every single aspect of something before making a decision and it's usually fact based and not emotionally driven. Having children doesn't look good on paper and the only compelling reasons for having them are based on emotions.
In past centuries, people had children so they could work on the farm and provide free labor. We don't live in such a society anymore, so the only reason to have children is "because I want to".
I agree with this as well. So many people over think having children when really it’s supposed to be something quiet natural. Unfortunately society has created all these things that successful people are supposed to have before they give birth. That is really what has taken some of the joy out of it. Not everyone will reach what is ‘needed’ and then they feel like failures. Or they wait too long and can’t even conceive when they’re ‘ready’.
I think it's because a lot of young girls are raised to think they have no other choice but to have children. It's looked on as a positive thing by most people. However, some of the things I've read and heard from parents to women who say they don't want kids can be absolutely vile. There really is something dark and nasty inside of a lot of men and women who have had kids that makes them just act vicious towards those women who say they want to remain childfree. Surprisingly, men don't get the same hate but then, most men aren't the primary caretakers of kids, either
I love my job but some days complain about it a lot. Why do I have job? Why I am being dishonest about loving my job?
These are similar questions to what topic starter was asking in my opinion.
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