Why do some fathers feel like it is okay... (child support, lawyers, divorced)

[lovesMountains]

to drop their kids like a hot potato the day they turn 18 or graduate from high school?

I just really don't get this and would love for someone to give me a logical explanation. Just because a kid turns 18 does not mean he/she is ready or able to take care of themselves financially. Someone still has to pay to feed them, clothe them, give them insurance coverage and pay those high deductibles. Not to mention the high cost of college, which many moms are left trying to figure out how to cover, or help cover, without dear old dad offering one cent of help.

I believe only 3 states have a law requiring both parents in divorce situations to contribute to college costs in certain situations, but I guess kids in all other 47 states are just SOL if dad won't just do the right thing on his own. (Hey, I know some custodial dads probably have this problem with mom not helping - but come on, we all know the majority of times it's the dad walking away financially).

I just really don't get this - how do dad's that do it justify it?

[itlchick]

I don't know how fathers justify half the things they do. It's like they truly don't know what it takes to raise an independent, emotionally-balanced child in the world. Or frankly, they don't care.

It sickens me because their children pay for their immaturity and ignorance.

[gallowsCalibrator]

Jeez. The first sentence and most of the paragraph explained my father completely.. except he was the custodial parent!

I think the ideal is hereditary. If your father was "kicked to the streets" when he was 18, he'll most likely tell you "I did it, so can you."

[VBmom]

I am dealing with this same issue. My oldest just finished his freshman year without one red cent from Dad. In fact my ex is asking for a reduction in child support because he is past 18. (we still have a 16 year old). I asked my ex just where my reduction in expenses were? He may be 18 and away at college but I am still feeding, clothing, insuring him and now I have tuition on top of that! Plus my ex HAS the money. Far more than I have. I could go on all day....

[miu]

I'm not surprised. Women are the nurturing parent and the menfolk tend to be the ones to be the "bad cop", rule enforcer and the breadwinner. As a dad, they think that they are showing good tough love by making their kids leave the nest at 18 and facilitating them turning into full fledged adults. They probably also tired of trying to make enough money to run the household well (I think that colleges got way too expensive in the last few decades). And these husbands also can't wait to see their kids leave so that their wives can devote 100% of their attention back to them.

I only have dogs, but there is a huge difference between the way I treat them and the way my live-in boyfriend does. And I know that he's very fond of them.

Men and women are just wired up differently.

[Wild Style]

I am a father and I would never do anything like that. In fact my wife and I agree that when the boy gets married or wants to get married if he can't afford to live on his own he and his wife will live with us.

I should also say my father never kicked me out or stopped paying/helping me when i turned 18.

[Rcm58]

I'm curious, for those of you that divorced their husbands for reasons other than being a punching bag that had kids with him and you weren't loaded, do you take any responsibility for trying to run two households on an average income?

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Rcm58

I'm curious, for those of you that divorced their husbands for reasons other than being a punching bag that had kids with him and you weren't loaded, do you take any responsibility for trying to run two households on an average income?

Those days are pretty much long gone - alimony is practically a thing of the past these days. Most men are only ordered to pay child support -and those amounts hardly compare to the costs of running two households. It is only women with very young children and very good lawyers that get even close to what it takes to keep a child housed, fed and clothed.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by miu

I'm not surprised. Women are the nurturing parent and the menfolk tend to be the ones to be the "bad cop", rule enforcer and the breadwinner. As a dad, they think that they are showing good tough love by making their kids leave the nest at 18 and facilitating them turning into full fledged adults. They probably also tired of trying to make enough money to run the household well (I think that colleges got way too expensive in the last few decades). And these husbands also can't wait to see their kids leave so that their wives can devote 100% of their attention back to them.

I only have dogs, but there is a huge difference between the way I treat them and the way my live-in boyfriend does. And I know that he's very fond of them.

Men and women are just wired up differently.

I do agree men and women are wired differently, LOL! Usually this is a good thing What bothers me is the way men seem to allow the new women in their lives to convince them that that prior obligation they felt to support their child attending college is no longer really necessary. So much seems to change when daddy gets a new wife

[Huckleberry3911948]

you are so right. there is a real kidult & permaparent problem.
when we start saying how can i do it and stop saying you owe me,
it will go away.
my 2 favorite solutions are US army and RN program.
without student loans.