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There will be more incidents of biting/hitting/hair pulling/fighting in your child's future, that's just how small kids are.
Thank you.
Not saying hitting other kids is appropriate nor would I be ok with it if I did (and I have seen) my child hit another child or another child (and I have seen) hit my child. I don't hit my child but I do give him a swat on the behind when I determine the action/reaction called for it. So, when I've seen him hit his cousins b/c he's mad he can't have the toy, I don't think my brother is assuming I beat the crap out of my kid or vice versa. Instead, we both get involved & resolve the issue as needed.
The child's mother took the appropriate action. Who cares how she raises him/her? That is not your child & therefore not for you to judge. If you are concerned, than it would be suggested to not interact with that family.
This sort of thing does go on & no matter how wonderfully you raise your child, there will be day they hit, shove, take away, yell, or do something that makes you gasp.
As a parent, you take them aside, tell them their actions were non acceptable & if they decide to do that action again, there will be a consequence and you tell them what consequence it will be.
I hope the mom also apologized to you.
My son just got a sandbox and other day threw sand at one of his friends. I was mortified & embarassed. But, I took care of the sitatuation as I saw fit & apologized to the mom.
I don't throw sand or things at my son, so it's a behavior he either learned from other kids, PBS or Disney, or it just got in his mind to throw sand for the sake of throwing sand...in which I believe the latter to be the case.
At such a young age, many times children do not understand that their actions are not appropriate or should even be done. As a parent, you are to teach YOUR child b/w right & wrong. If there are other children who appear not to be learning b/w right & wrong, well, then, it's at your discretion to let them play with those children.
I'm so glad it wasn't the parent doing the spanking. That would end a friendship for sure!
A five year old might not have the sense to hold back on something like that, especially if that is how he/she is disciplined at home. I would have added to what the mother had said. I would have said something to the effect of "My child is only 2 and was playing with this toy by herself. It is OK if she plays it by herself, but she will let you have a turn when she is done. But, in my house we never hit." I would say the last sentence very firmly.
I don't know who to "quote" because so many of the responses echo my own feelings. I am a non-spanker as well, and completely understand your concern over the matter.
I'm glad the other mother had her child apologize. I agree, it would have been appropriate for her (the mom) to apologize to you as well. I would have also addressed the hitter, explaining as Calif suggested, "in our house, we don't hit".
Considering the ages of the children, I'm not sure there's much else that could be done. I don't think it warrants ending the friendship unless it happens again. Of course, the next time my child played with the 5 year old, I'd be watching the 5 year old like a hawk and separating them the moment the older child raised a hand. After all, it might be unrealistic to expect a 5 year old to make a complete behavior adjustment after just one incident.
What I don't agree with is the contention that "all kids hit, that's just what they do". I can say with probably 98% certainty that my child has never hit anyone else (playful slaps in fun and sparring classes in Karate don't count) because hitting was not part of his upbringing. To my knowledge, he has been in only one fight; he was attacked by a child who wanted a toy he was holding. I'm told he defended himself by blocking blows for the minute or so until an adult showed up.
Many kids do hit but I don't think it is necessarily hardwired behavior. I think (my opinion) it is learned. Does anyone know of any studies showing that hitting is hardwired?
Thanks again everyone. I do realize that hitting/biting and all is a part of childhood, BUT this was just so much more than hitting. It just took me back. I in no way am judging the other mom, I love the other mom, I just wanted to see what other people would have done. I felt bad afterwards because I didn't say anything. You all have given me a lot of great thoughts in the event I am around and that ever happens again.
Thanks again everyone. I do realize that hitting/biting and all is a part of childhood, BUT this was just so much more than hitting. It just took me back. I in no way am judging the other mom, I love the other mom, I just wanted to see what other people would have done. I felt bad afterwards because I didn't say anything. You all have given me a lot of great thoughts in the event I am around and that ever happens again.
Why not say something to the mom? If she is your friend it would probably be better so that this is not something that you keep inside & than worry about next time they play.
You really don't have any right to say something to the child for it is not your child unless his/her mom is ok with you disciplining their child. I have some friends where if they see my son do something that is inappropriate, I have no problem with them saying something to him & then me. BUT, this has been an agreement b/w us moms & we all discipline along the same lines.
If this was a concerning event to you, you have every right to talk to the mom so that it doesn't hurt the friendship b/w her & you & the children.
I think the mom acted very appropriately, she stepped right in and made her child apologize. I agree with 121804 and talk to the mom. She may be feeling just as horrible about it, after all it was her child that hit!!
Try and approach it not accusing her, but saying something like "I feel very awkward about the other day" She may be glad you brought it up and clear the air....
How did your child react to the "spanking"? Did she cry or get upset? The spanker was just imitating her parent. She was correcting your child in the way she is accustomed to getting corrected. If she didn't hurt your child and your child barely noticed then I think the apology
was all that is necessary. Also- my child was never spanked but when he was six he tried to spank our dog on the butt for being "bad" for eating his ice-cream cone!
Perhaps this is how the child is reprimanded at home for doing something that is undesirable yet I am assuming that this child is around 4 or 5 and does not know that toddlers are not on the same playing field that they are on?
I think the mother handled it well at leasy she reprimanded her child and was probably mortified yet said nothing.
Children learn through new experiences the do's and dont's about social ettiquite I would be a little more calm.
If you feel that you should have said something you could have stated, 'He is a baby, he does not understand the rules of playing quite like you do", if you are having a problem you need to go to your mom or me and allow us to handle it okay? We do not spank here.
The situation was handled. I guess I am not sure what you wanted to have happen. If the other parent did nothing, then you would have a reason to be upset. She stepped in, corrected her child and the rest should be water under the bridge. Should she have apologized to you? Maybe, but how many of us do exactly what we should do in the moment? Maybe she was feeling awkward and wanted to deal with the situation as quickly as possible.
Honestly, you have a long road ahead of you if every time someone else's child does something to your child you are going to want the parents to apologize. Just wait until school when they are going to hear and be taught all kinds of interesting things and not by the teacher.
Build a bridge and get over it... as the parent of 3, (13,12,5) I can tell you that you are gonna have to grow a little thicker skin if this is all it takes to upset you.
My ideal thing to have happened in that situation is that the mom took her child in another room and talked to him/her and explained why the behavior wasn't appropriate, and then have them apologize to my child. What you've described (at least the way you've described it), wouldn't have been a big deal to me.
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