Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Every 20 something I meet in NYC fits in one category: post-college with a paycheck. They are living pretty much the same lives they had back in the fraternities and sororities, except now they have the benefit of blowing a paycheck along with daddy's money. Yay! Let's go back to playing beer pong and shopping for LV!
Some of us didn't make it to NYC until we had jobs that could fully support ourselves blowing our own money to live there, but these people were few and generally had a more mature mindset about their futures. Personally, I had to skip the post-undergrad playground phase to sweat it out in grad school in order to get a job that would allow me to support myself living in NYC. But it was worth it and much more fun on my own dime than having my parents monitoring where I spent my money.
When my oldest was 13, he made a lot of noise about moving out when he was 18; I think in part as a step toward independance, but also in part to see if he could push my buttons. After hearing this rant off and on for some time, and seeing that he was going to continue chewing this bone until someone took it away, I finally sat him down. In the first place, he could not move out on his 18 birthday because he would still have 5 months before he graduated from hign school. And more importantly, he could not move out, until he could afford to pay his own rent and utilites, put healthy food in his larder, maintain his automobile with gas, oil and tires, provide insurance for his car, his apartment and himself, put clothes on his back and maintain them (no bringing dirty laundry to Mom), have enough spending money to go out to eat or go to the movies with his friends, be able to donate to charity, and have enough money leftover to buy me presents for Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, and my birthday, because after raising him, I will have earned every one of them! And not to consider moving out until he could do all those things, because once he was gone, he was gone for good.
That was the end of that conversation. He stayed at home and worked for a year until he joined the military. He and his wife are doing very well. I have loaned him money twice, once when he had to fly to Hawaii to settle his father's estate, and once when the college made a mistake on my DDIL's application and her student loan didn't arrive in time to buy the books and equipment she needed for classes.
Did I believe what I told him? In a word, no. He suffered a spinal injury about two years into his service and was told by the neurologists that most people end up in a wheelchair, and to be prepared for a medical discharge. If he had not surprised everyone, including the doctor's, I would have brought him home in a heartbeat. Because that what families do, they are there to pick up the pieces and help one another over the rough spots.
But when he was thirteen, he needed to think that I meant it. Both of my sons are very strong-willed. I could see right from the get-go that if I didn't make them tow the line, they were going to walk all over everyone, including and especially me, and end up being bullies. The younger one does tend to be a bit of a bully, but I blame that on his grandfather who is a bully, and who has made every effort over the years to undermine my authority.
But even he came to me a month or so ago, and told me how several of his friends have moved out because of their parents and now are basically living out of their cars. I almost fell out of my chair when he went on and acknowledged that even though we butt heads frequently, he knows that he is loved, and that he knows that as much as I don't like the arguing, I would rather have him here and have a daily arguement, if need be, and know that he is safe, than to worry about him being on the street. He said that these parents don't seem to care about the safety of their children, and he realizes how lucky he is to have parents that keep a roof over his head, and food on the table, etc., etc., etc. Wow! There's hope for this kid yet.
I know this sounds like I am off-topic, but my philosophy is that parenthood isn't about the parent, it's about the child. I totally don't get the whole notion of people who want to keep their children infants- don't want those babies to grow up. Parents who coddle every whim and desire of their children are only feeding their own selfish desire for unconditional love (as if it can be bought) and have completely missed the boat on parenting in my mind. Parenting is about teaching a child to be an independant and productive adult, that's the end goal, period. You have done your job right when you have an empty nest.
That's another thing I don't get. I can't wait to celebrate being an empty-nester. That means I've done my job right. Being an empty-nester is a feather in the parent's cap! You accomplish that goal through love, and discipline (not punishment- they are two different words with two different meanings), and demonstrating that you yourself are an independant and productive person. Anyway, that's my two cent's worth.
A house around the corner from mine recently sold - to two brothers. I talke to their mother who was helping them move in and she said she bought the house for them to get them out of her house. They're in their mid to upper 20s, one's a lawyer and the other a recent college grad. The house is worth about a half million dollars.
I've noticed they landscaping is going to hell fast too. I suppose if they two brothers are so useless that their mom had to literally move them out, I wouldn't expect them to do yard work. Of course the mother must have done something wrong along the way to create loser children like this.
I know people like that- and they drive me crazy. My parents supported me until I was finished with grad school, and I am so grateful for that. They give me money every now and then but I am really reluctant to take it. And whatever they give, I now put in my daughter's college fund. But that's it. I would never think to ask them for money and I have been blessed that the need hasn't arisen. But the sense of entitlement is annoying.
Frankly my parents would laugh in my face if I asked them to subsidize my lifestyle and it would never occur to me to ask anyway.
Seriously...and my parents could probably afford to spoil me this way..and they ain't havin' it.
I can't relate at all to this article..and I'm SOOOO glad that I can't. I have fell on my @.$.$. several times from 17-20 and realized that living off of mommy and daddy and getting a degree in fashion isn't going to make me a real part of this world.
People who are raised like this have a rude awakening when it comes to getting out there. I think all of us have to struggle to learn and grow. Mistakes are part of life. These people apparently aren't going thru it.
I used to be jealous when I was scraping by on top ramen and worrying about whether rent was going to be paid..but now..I'm thankful and more grateful for everything I have. It's made me work even harder and appreciate everything even more. I'm also not socially awkward like some of these silver spoons. But hey, it's their parents fault for raising them like that...it only disables them further.
I know this sounds like I am off-topic, but my philosophy is that parenthood isn't about the parent, it's about the child. I totally don't get the whole notion of people who want to keep their children infants- don't want those babies to grow up. Parents who coddle every whim and desire of their children are only feeding their own selfish desire for unconditional love (as if it can be bought) and have completely missed the boat on parenting in my mind. Parenting is about teaching a child to be an independant and productive adult, that's the end goal, period. You have done your job right when you have an empty nest.
Wow, I guess I am out-of-touch with reality! I am 50 years old, and when I graduated from college, my parents let me live it home, rent free, as long as I was saving my money and not blowing it. They said it gave me a chance to sock some funds away so that I could move out! After about 6 mos. had enough funds and moved out and rented a condo with a friend. after a year and a half, roommate moved out and I was able to rent the place on my own. later, my fiance(now husband) bought the place I was renting. I think my parents really helped give me a leg up by letting me come home and that it was a great thing. I told my college sophomore son, that the same option is open to him. I don't think that is coddling anyone. It is giving someone a good financial base of savings, before they make that monthly rent commitment. However, if he thinks he could just come home, make good money and blow it partying, that would change the whole deal!!!
Wow, I guess I am out-of-touch with reality! I am 50 years old, and when I graduated from college, my parents let me live it home, rent free, as long as I was saving my money and not blowing it. They said it gave me a chance to sock some funds away so that I could move out! After about 6 mos. had enough funds and moved out and rented a condo with a friend. after a year and a half, roommate moved out and I was able to rent the place on my own. later, my fiance(now husband) bought the place I was renting. I think my parents really helped give me a leg up by letting me come home and that it was a great thing. I told my college sophomore son, that the same option is open to him. I don't think that is coddling anyone. It is giving someone a good financial base of savings, before they make that monthly rent commitment. However, if he thinks he could just come home, make good money and blow it partying, that would change the whole deal!!!
You're talking about helping a child get ready AT HOME. This is about parents that are paying the rent on an apartment. I say you want to move out and act like an adult then you get the adult responsibilities.
My son always knew that he could stay with us as long as he was either in school or working. No loafing around.
First off, if the parents are subsidizing their kids this way, they can obviously afford to do so.
I cannot act like my parents didn't subsidize my life after college. When they visited my apartment, there was always a visit to the grocery store.....
My computer crapped out on me.....they replaced their old one and gave it to me....
when my husband furthered his education and i was staying at home with my baby, they visited with bags of baby necessities and you guessed it.....groceries
now and again my mom would pick up expensive gifts for my kids, things she knew i would appreciate and couldn't afford...
gave me a cell phone to use when i didn't have one/ couldn't afford one....
bought me a kitchen aid mixer for christmas and a cuisinart food processor becuase she knew i wanted them and you guessed it...couldnt afford it.....
speaking of christmas, lets not talk about the christmas lists we used to give her: socks underwear pants, noise reducing headphones, lab coat, dictionary, computer software, shower curtain, film, watch, etc....it was basically an I-need-this-and-I-don't-have-any-money-so-now-I'm-asking-you-to-buy-it-for-me list.
since my husband finished school we are finally not needing to be subsidized by my parents. it is a wonderful feeling for me since my dad stopped working and they have less cash to be helping us out with anyway, but my mom feels bad sometimes that we don't need her help. she enjoyed feeling like she was providing things we needed.
lets face it, we all live at a certain standard of living with our parents, and no one wants to fall into poverty level (which could easily happen now a days with the prices of everything), and our parents certainly don't want to see it happen. So many parents help out in whatever way they can, my mom shopped at thrift stores (and normal ones) and practically bought every stitch of clothing my son wore for the first 2 years. I never told her no, just took it and said thank you very gratefully. I could have said no and had him wear the same three outfits over and over and over again. Am I a leech for accepting her help?
And to the one who says they respect those that stay at home and save their money, are their parents not subsidizing them?
Like I said, parents want to help their kids, and for some people (esp. some of the rich folk in NYC), they have the disposable cash to pay half their kids rent and utilities. We need to know who we are talking about here. For a multi-millionaire, throwing their kid half the rent money is probably the equivalent of my mom bringing me to a shopping spree at the grocery store!!
We can't say that the subsidy I got from my parents is really any different that what these kids are getting is. If my parents were rich, they would probably still be giving us money, via the grandchildren, just calling it a "college fund" or something. but its still a subsidy, same as the one the kids in the article are getting.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
