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Drjones, sounds like some hormones are kicking in at your house, too! The first example you gave sounds a little like my daughter. She doesn't get quite as bad, but she does get really defensive and start arguing.
Stick to your punishments, no matter how dramatic she gets!! We will talk to my daughter after she has calmed down and explain that the way she acted is NOT acceptable and give her some advise on how to cope with these feelings in the future. Would she treat her friends or teachers like that? No. So she cannot treat her family that way, either. When she does, there are consequences. We will ground her to her room, and if she screamed at me, which doesn't happen anymore, she'd get a crack right then and there!
Just my opinon;but it sounds like she has not really gotten any better.Kids this age strat playing games because they think they know just what to say . It almost the Bart simpson thing. They start to see that to many in the world it does not matter what you do;as long as no one can prove it. No one saw me do it;no one can prove I did it;so I didn't do it. The scary thing is it can get worse and what you said is true. Do you now trust her? Good luck
too big spanking period is over. you said several times in your post she lies.
get counseling help from school and the church it wont get better on its own.
if she lies to those who love her this sets the stage for what comes next.
Just my opinon;but it sounds like she has not really gotten any better.Kids this age strat playing games because they think they know just what to say . It almost the Bart simpson thing. They start to see that to many in the world it does not matter what you do;as long as no one can prove it. No one saw me do it;no one can prove I did it;so I didn't do it. The scary thing is it can get worse and what you said is true. Do you now trust her? Good luck
no, I dont trust her anymore. but for the most part she is still a good kid. I think we are beginning to get it under control. She is a more niave and immature than the average 13 yo. I think you hit the nail on the head with what you said though.
The disagreement my hubby and I will have is how long they need to be grounded for. We usually compromise. I will still give a smack on the butt to the 13 year old occasionally, but it's been a long time since she's been spanked. Taking things away and grounding work a lot better now.
I think it is going to take some time for these girls to adjust to the new hormones they've got pumping through them! I talk to them about it, that sometimes we get really mad over little things when we are hormonal, but that is not an excuse to treat other family members badly. I will send them to their room to cool off or re-think things when they're having a particularly bad day. I don't know if I'm ready for the PMS and teenage years, either! We're stuck with it, though! My poor hubby will have 4 of us with PMS at the same time in a few more years!!!! Yikes!
She just started the pms thing a few months ago. we have had several talks about it and controling the feelings/hormones. I have a hard time understanding the out of control emotions though, because I have always been in control of mine. I also know I have made many mistakes with her in the past 6 mos. giving her to much freedom, blowing up on her, and giving her a little to much alone time.
I was a very mature kid, working at 13, keeping a clean house, and doing my grandmothers bills. I think at one point I expected her to be a little more like me. total opposite. I have now realized this.
too big spanking period is over. you said several times in your post she lies.
get counseling help from school and the church it wont get better on its own.
if she lies to those who love her this sets the stage for what comes next.
I dont think she lies anymore than most kids this age. I dont think she needs counseling, just a little more parental guidance. Like other people said, she is trying to get away with as much as possible and it probably took a little longer than it should have for me to realize it.
I have talked to other parents around here and she doesnt cause me half the greef they seem to get. Maybe I just over think it?
I don't think you "over think" things, you are being a good mother!
At my daughters curriculum night the science teacher made a point of telling us parents that even though we (parents) think that at this middle school age we can start letting our kids have more freedom and start letting them make more decisions on their own, they simply are not ready. They still need our guidence! The part of their brain that helps them think things through before acting is not developed enough yet. They have done scientific studies on this. The part of the brain that "reasons" and thinks ahead won't be developing until about 15 years old. Then at 15 lets add all those hormones!
I don't depend on scientific studies, I just trust that our kids DO still need our guidence. They are still developing and we need to help them know right from wrong. They need supervision, rules and consequences.
You are doing a good job. Keep after her. Help her learn from her mistakes. She'll hate it now, but she will be a better person for it! Hang in there!!
I don't think you "over think" things, you are being a good mother!
At my daughters curriculum night the science teacher made a point of telling us parents that even though we (parents) think that at this middle school age we can start letting our kids have more freedom and start letting them make more decisions on their own, they simply are not ready. They still need our guidence! The part of their brain that helps them think things through before acting is not developed enough yet. They have done scientific studies on this. The part of the brain that "reasons" and thinks ahead won't be developing until about 15 years old. Then at 15 lets add all those hormones!
I don't depend on scientific studies, I just trust that our kids DO still need our guidence. They are still developing and we need to help them know right from wrong. They need supervision, rules and consequences.
You are doing a good job. Keep after her. Help her learn from her mistakes. She'll hate it now, but she will be a better person for it! Hang in there!!
I wanted to rep you, but I guess I already did! LOL
anyway, it is good to know that. Not something I would rely on, but it makes me feel a little better about her. as I said before her lies are intentional, bad kid lies. they go along with this study. to me, omitting the truth is the same as a lie. basically she will make a bad decision because she didnt think it through and then realize she did something wrong and then not own up to it. Kind of like going to the friends house with no parents. She had permission to go, forgot to ask if parents would be there, gets there no parents, and doesnt bother to call. She thought she would be in trouble if she called, but of course it was the other way around. Just like the statue. I didnt care that she broke it. accidents happen, she needs to practice. the problem was not saying anything and then covering it up.
all of you (besides movie lover haha) has been a great help.
I was a very emotional child for quite a long time. I was basically a good kid but boy I could have some major tantrums but ultimately I made the right decisions when my parents weren't around. I don't really have any advice but wanted to mention that. I think if you stay consistant and fair she will ultimately be ok.
I just wonder if some kids hormones get to them moreso than others because I was really, really nasty and I always knew better but it was like I couldn't control it. I had this incredible amount of frustration for whatever reason in me and I always took it out on my parents and siblings. Even to this day I have a tendency to have outbursts but nothing like what I had when I was a teenager. These outbursts lasted until I was in my 20s, well at least with my parents. I was very respectful and polite around others. I managed to get through college and now I am a responsible, contributing member of society.
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