Tired of Ex's Threats (child support, custody, support, girls)

[Singlemom3]

I promise I will try to make this short. Quick History

I have full custody of 2 girls. The OP has only visitation rights. He is 15,000 behind in CS. The EX also has a son whom the mother has hidden the son for 3 years now. This involved me because every time CS is taken from him..they give 1/2 to me and 1/2 to her even though she has one child and is owed less. He owes less on his son, because even if the 1/2 is more than her CS..they still give it to her.

He applied for SS disabilty at age 40!! Talk about dead beat. And yes he is, because I know him. He has been trying to get SS since our oldest was one. He claims mental issues. They diagnoised him with borderline physco. (I am not sure how to spell that word) Anyway, I only get 50 per child! Yeah he didnt work much.

So for the last 3 years or so, he is in and out of the girls life. He never has keept his visitation schedule. He see them when he wants to. (live in the same time) Once, he took off 300 miles away with one day notice and only said goodbye for 5 min. Then 4 months later he is back in town.

I know that he got almost 8,000 dollars for back pay on his SSI. He didnt pay me anything. I had to call Attorney General to tell them he was getting SSI. This month I got $184. And so did the other mother. He is like....I pay my child support. Now, I expect the man to take care of himself...but I am tired of not knowing month to month if I get a payment or not. He has a paid for car, a house that the government pays for..I think his rent is like $75..He gets food stamps, medical care, and a mothly allowence for utilities.

Now, because of the 100 a month I get..I make to much for any government help. Go Figure...I only bring home around 1200 a month.

The threats are that I leave the girls home while I take care of a client. (parkison patient). I am only gone for 3 hours and my neighboor checks in on them. I have called CPS and they told me I could do this as long as I thought the children were mature enough. They are 11 and 7. He keeps threatning to call the cops and cps on me. He also is trying to take me to court to stop all CS and so I will only get the 100 a month from SSI.

I am really tired of this .I plan on moving to WA next summer. My girls are "victims" and we are currently in counseling and have a criminal case against the guy. He was a family member. I dont want to say much on the subject..except that I drive 15 miles on way twice a week for thearapy and groups..and he refuses to go.

Now tonight, he is threatning me with joint custody. I think he is doing this so I cant move out of state. (though he can move anywhere he wants with or without joint custody.) Oh, and he got mad because he wants me to send the girls to his house everytime I work..even though the neighbor watches them. I try not to send them because once when I picked them up..he was so "messed" up on his meds...that he couldnt even talk. He was passed out in his room and they were taking care of themselves anyway.

I am just tired of being threatend. Especially when he is in and out of their lives. I do everything for my girls..and all he does is see them a couple of times when he feels like it. I even have to send clothes and food for them when they go to his apartment.

Sorry for the long rant. Anyone has any suggestions or knowledge. I have been dreaming of moving to Wa since I was 16, and my girls want to go also. I have a lot of family there and no support here from family.

Thanks

[Singlemom3]

Oh, yeah on the SSI issue...he can work part time for up to 900 a month. Now if he did this and got his SSI..he would get around 1600 a month...then minus child support..that he is trying to stop.

[SubaruFiend]

If I were you I'd try to find a way to be completely and utterly financially dependent on YOURSELF and ONLY yourself. I know that's hard and all, but it's possible if you put your mind to it. DON'T talk to him about leaving the state anymore.... that way he won't try to get joint custody and then you can just LEAVE next summer and he won't be able to do anything about it.

Is there anyway you can just drop off your kids AT the neighbors instead of the neighbor just checking in???? That might help a LOT.

Most importantly though you REALLY should try hard to just make all the money on your own so you don't have to pester the state to pester him. Ignore him, ignore his requests, tell him you don't want anything to do with him and you don't want him seeing the kids until he gets his act together! AND STICK TO IT! You have to keep your ground and NOT back down ever!

[I love the Bears]

Hang up on him - before you do tell him that you'd be happy to have your lawyer talk to his about this situation but that this is harrassment and you will call the police. Telephone harassment is against the law. He has to be allowed to speak to his children - but once he starts getting loud or abusive with you - CLICK! And start calling the police. They'll call him. He can only bully you if you allow him to. NO one in the world is going to give your kids to this man - move as fast as you can

[Laura707]

If his threats work, then he will keep using them. They only do what works. When he would start to threaten me, I would simply say "Go ahead! We can have the judge ask them what it is like being with YOU!" and hang up! It takes 2 to tango. Make up your mind to quit doing the tango with him and cut off the communications going on between you and him. He is still trying to control your life with his threats.

[Singlemom3]

Thanks everyone. Once I calmed down a little and thought about it, I realized that he has no case against me. I remembered we went through a CPS investigation (protocal with what happend to the girls) and I passed mine and he didnt pass. My oldest told them about him smoking pot with his friends.

I am going to get out of this town..mainly because I want to come home, but also to get away from him.

I just hate it when, I am doing everything that I am suppose to, working, going to school, buying clothes, coats, shoes, and everything inbetween, and he sits around and does nothing....then one day he decides he can have joint custody just because he is the father!

I talked to my uncle in Tacoma and had a good talk and calmed down...thanks again everyone!!

[Laura707]

Sounds to me like you hold all the cards and you now realize it.. GOOD FOR YOU! Hold your head high and cut him off when the threats start..

My ex use to threaten me with "You will NEVER get custody! I have made sure of that, even if I die you will not EVER get custody!". I was young then but even as young and inexperienced as I was, I use to wonder what planet he was from. He admitted in court that he didn't want custody, he was doing it to keep me from having custody. Needless to say, I got custody so, so much for his threats.. I walked away laughing.....