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Since when does the woman after a divorce not have to work? It is not the Ex-husband's fault she had more kids. All her money is probably child support and welfare. I would fight for custody if she can't even keep the child in clean clothes.
Why are the ex-husbands always the bad guys on these forums?
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Originally Posted by Connecticut Pam
Your husband needs to go back to court about this recent request for more child support. Find an attorney who isn't expensive but has a great reputation; they are out there, and with the attorney work out a statement of what your expenses are, what your income is, stuff like that. It appears your husbands ex is greedy and if what you say about her keeping this child from her dad for six years is true she could be in violation of court orders for visitation. Why didn't your husband fight harder of the six year time frame to get to see his child? I don't understand.
In all this mess, please be sure that this child who has become the "target" and cause of all this mess isn't feeling that she is to blame for all the mass confusion. Sometimes when ex couples are arguing over child support, visitation, etc. the child will think it is their fault...please someone in all this fiasco pay attention to that too.
My husband was trying to see here, but he could not locate her at the time and when he got close on her trail, she would move and then he got deployed so he had to stop looking. He wanted to give up, but I told him he shouldn't and sometimes I think I should have let him and we would not be in this situation now, but I wanted her to know her other siblings and that is why we did not quit.
The money could be going to pay the BILLS. She still needs electric and water and a place to live... and part of the child support is supposed to go to that. He should have taken her back to court and ask them to enforce the custody agreement. Hold her in contempt of court for not following the custody decree. It is a legal document..you can do that if she isn't holding up her part of the order. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Every missed visit on either side. Everytime she comes to your house take her picture and keep it dated for proof how she looks. After awhile you will have plenty of evidence and then you can ask for custody. Then you won't have to pay child support.
The way my lawyer explained it to me was in a household like MINE where I have a husband that is not my children's father the judge can consider them either 1/2 of the total or 1/3 depending on how they figure it. If it is 1/2 then they are figuring I have support from my current husband and they have support from their father. So basically depending on how it is figured, the child support should pay 1/2 or 1/3 of the household bills. That was the time when their father decided he had them part of the summer that he shouldn't have to pay support that month. So wanted to just cut that month out. The judge told him he couldn't do that because the household had to be maintained in their absence. When they come back they have to still have electric and water and a bedroom. It can't just stop because they are gone for a month. We did negotiate and took the total for the 12 months and deducted 1 month from it and spread it over the other 12...so I still got 1 less.... but not 1 whole at a time, if that makes any sense.
Good Luck.
I understand where you are coming from, but I do not think that money goes to that. Maybe it does and maybe it does not. We have been getting her for the past couple of months and she always wants us to buy her things and yes I buy what I can don't get me wrong. I just feel kind of bad when she says that my mom never does this or all she has me do is take care of my brothers. That is telling me she never has time to be a kid when she is with her mom. They live in a 2 bedroom apartment with 5 people. The boyfriend has two kids that I know of that stays there sometimes. Now something is really wrong with this picture. I am not so much worried about taking care of his daughter it is just why give someone more money when you know that there is no guarantee that it will go toward the child.
I'm a 2nd wife that had to watch some of this nonsense go on too so I'm gonna cut the OP some slack.
My husband's ex played this game with us too. She tried every way possible to raise the child support and squeeze every penny out of us she could.
She at one point tried to get the judge to take MY salary into consideration. So we said..sure...as long as they had to take HER husband's into consideration too. (I can negotiate when need be ) He was a judge! and made three times what I made. She backed away from that one.
I never ever begrudged the child support..what I did begrudge was the child support, plus all medical, all dental, all babysitters, 95% of the school clothing while we had him most of the time.
On the rare occations that she did keep him, she would send him to us with one set of clothes (he left our house with more) one shoe, blah blah bah.
We got to the point that we kept extra clothes here but changed him into the clothes she sent him in (clean of course) when it was time to go. We just couldn't afford to keep replacing these clothes.
Sadly in cases like these the 2nd wife has to bite her lip and isn't allowed to say much of anything. Even when SHE had nothing to do with the divorce.
So about all you can do, is make a nest for this poor child in your home. Make sure she has a space of her own with all the essentials that she needs.
I have made her a space in my home and I treat her like she is mine, no different from my other kids. We have to pay child support, medical, dental, daycare, and all that good stuff. She has had 100% medical and she complains about stupid $5.00 copayments when she takes the child to the doctor everytime she sneezes. She does not want to pay for anything. My husband has a court date next month, so we will see what happens.
I have made her a space in my home and I treat her like she is mine, no different from my other kids. We have to pay child support, medical, dental, daycare, and all that good stuff. She has had 100% medical and she complains about stupid $5.00 copayments when she takes the child to the doctor everytime she sneezes. She does not want to pay for anything. My husband has a court date next month, so we will see what happens.
I do feel for you....she would charge us the $5.00 co-pay too.
After he turned 18 she then tried to send us a bill for past expenses. Good thing (well good for us bad for her) I'm a bookkeeper, saw this trainwreck coming and kept records of EVERYTHING and legally she actually owed us well over $5K at this time. We never pursued it.
We have been getting her for the past couple of months and she always wants us to buy her things and yes I buy what I can don't get me wrong. I just feel kind of bad when she says that my mom never does this or all she has me do is take care of my brothers. That is telling me she never has time to be a kid when she is with her mom.
Can you verify this? Kids can be sneaky sometimes and will say whatever works.
Can you verify this? Kids can be sneaky sometimes and will say whatever works.
This is what I was thinking. Having been a child in a divorce before I had my own.. You have to realize kids will tell you anything to create a problem. They also can tell what gets you. They instinctively know what buttons to push.
I don't want you to think I am against you, that isn't the case. While I have a certain amount of animosity against my ex, we get along pretty well actually. If/when I have a problem with the girls, I call him and ask him what he thinks. I don't always do whatever he thinks...and we don't agree on alot of things. The Tae Kwon Do for the girls is one good example. He don't think girls should learn to fight.
The youngest is fixing to test for her black belt and it will cost Mark and I $200 for the testing. It is an all day test. That has him real annoyed right now. (eventhough I didn't ask him for any extra money for it) His gf's kids are home schooled (one in the truck) and they don't do other activities. She thinks I am wasteful to want my girls to take TKD, Girl Scouts, Band... normal things to me. But this is a difference in culture too. I was raised much more "middle class", I had things like that when I was growing up. She didn't. She graduated from 9th grade and started her family right away. I was 26 before I had my first child. Cultural expectations make a HUGE difference (I think).
I don't get all the extras even though he was ordered 70/30 split on anything over child support. Medical, dental, daycare, clothes, camp, anything. He never paid that part. That is ok... long as I get their support I can deal with the rest. My husband has insurance for their other needs. When he brings up the 70/30 I just tell him Mark is handling the rest, seems to burn his butt... oh well then he needs to pay it. But I do make sure it stays on the court order.
One of the things that seems to annoy the crap out of him is that I "married up". I know that sounds conceited but I learned my lesson the first time. My children and I both really needed the stability of someone who was in a regular job, regular pay, regular work hours, ect. He don't make a mint but he makes it every week. He is VERY regular.
Coming from a relationship where I never knew how much money hubby was going to bring home anywhere from NOTHING to 1600-1800 every two weeks... regular is good. If the weather was good and freight was moving he did real good. If he was stuck somewhere and was in the truck stop taking advances... I had nothing mostly.
Mark actually makes about the same in pay but he has affordable insurance, paid holidays, ect and can be there for school plays, Tae Kwon Do lessons, ect.
Can you verify this? Kids can be sneaky sometimes and will say whatever works.
Yes I can, and there has been times when we call and nobody answers their house phone and we call the moms cellphone and she says that the daughter is at home with the kids.
Yes I can, and there has been times when we call and nobody answers their house phone and we call the moms cellphone and she says that the daughter is at home with the kids.
Then go for full custody. Then you do not have to pay child support.
Since when does the woman after a divorce not have to work? It is not the Ex-husband's fault she had more kids. All her money is probably child support and welfare. I would fight for custody if she can't even keep the child in clean clothes.
Why are the ex-husbands always the bad guys on these forums?
in regards to the no-work thing.. When i lived in Connecticut, I did a little research.. turns out that if the custodial parent is being supported by a significant other/spouse and NOT providing direct financial support to the child, the support can be modified as a penalty (since the amount the non-custodial parent pays goes up as the custodial parent's income lessens).
I dont think all ex-husbands are bad just the ones that use an excuse as she didnt let me see my kid for 6 years please - To me he's just a dead beat that only takes responsablity for what he has too meaning if the state was not obligating him to pay child support he wouldnt be doing that because just the same way she went to court to get the child support he could have gotten visitation rights and if she did not comply with a court Order she would be taken to court for that and it only takes once or twice for a judge to see someone in their court for not honoring the order before they are threw with the person.
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) He was a judge! and made three times what I made. She backed away from that one.
