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I'm sorry you're going through this and know how the guilt can be absolutely debilitating.
I tried to BF but between the c-section at 35w, twin preemies in NICU, taking one home early & visiting the other every day, pumping every night/all day in NICU, producing no more than an oz or 2 at a time, trying to squeeze in sleep and falling asleep at the wheel with my parents and newborn baby in the car - I finally said "enough is enough". Trying to pump/BF was not worth killing my family over!
I had promised myself BEFORE I delivered that I would not beat myself up after friends experienced what you're going through and what I'd read on many message boards. I literally saw my friends fall into deep depressions because of the whole BFing issue and as a result saw very unhappy, fussy babies. Was it related? I don't know but it sure seemed that way because it was the same with every single mom/baby I know going through this.
I agree with posters that you do need to seek support from BF groups if this is what you want to do but at the same time, you have to accept & recognize when/if you have to move on. I have to concur with pp who said that at some point you have to let your "ego" go and tend to really what is important - getting nutrients in your child - even if that means formula.
Mine are now almost 14 months and have had 2 colds and a bout of Roseola (hah - thanks to a trip to the ped for their 9month appt). They are happy and healthy. Formula was the best thing for our family. In the end you have to choose what works best for you & your family and NOT what everyone THINKS you should do.
Good luck and congratulations on entering this great new adventure!
"Grow up" and be a great mom, that will mean more in twenty years than feeling guilty about something you have no control over by feeling sorry for yourself... It isn't about you any more, it is about the child...
I am quite shocked with the reply. Have you ever heard of a thing called postpartum depression?? Guess what...Its much higher with woman who have cesareans, 6 times higher. Along with that, there are many many more physical symptoms they have to deal with that can often make them feel less adequate as a parent. Constant remarks like this to a woman who is just looking for help is very insenstive and quite uneducated.
Mom's are FULL of raging hormones at this stage that are making everything feel so dramtic right now. All this mother needs is SUPPORT. If she wants to breastfeed and she believes it is best for her child, support her. IF she choses to bottle feed in the end, support her. IF she does both, support her. IF all in all, she feels she fails as a parent because everyone is telling her to grow up and get over herself and she feels an extreme need to do something more dangerous to herself and he baby or otherwise damages the delicate bond that is developing between mother and newborn, then may you realize how distructive your words are and put them together in a more sensitive way in the future or refrain from posting in threads like these in the first place.
I repeat to the OPer, I highly suggest looking for a forum dedicated to the helping you through these moments. Here at the debate board you may find it hard to continue to seek help. There are places with a lot less hostility to dealing with the multiple difficulties of being a new parent, especially after having a cesarean. In fact you might search out cesarean forums as you'll find even more suppot and understanding. In fact there are forums where the moderators actually delete all posts that are negative to the poster seeking help. Good luck.
Last edited by flik_becky; 05-03-2009 at 12:21 PM..
Please do not feel guilty. I had trouble breast feeding my first baby. I ended up supplementing with formula, and that was basically the end of breast feeding for us. If I could go back and do it over, I would have gone back to the lactation nurses at the hospital and asked for more help. My advice would be to ask for help from your lactation center before you give up. if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Don't beat yourself up over it. Good luck.
Put her on formula and don't let the LLL people guilt you.
The LLL people are not guilting her. SHE said that she feels guilty and the rest of us offered advice on how to fix her problem. How are you being helpful?
Thank you posters for the info on c-sections! I had a c-section, too, and had problems nursing. I never considered that there could be a connection. I would pump for 20 minutes and only get an ounce. It was so frustrating!
Put her on formula and don't let the LLL people guilt you.
LLL does not guilt. LLL are for women who WANT to breastfeed and need help or guidance and support. LLL doesn't just show up without you asking. The hospital usually offers a lactation consultant which may or may not be a LLL. . If YOU WANT more help and support YOU contact THEM.
Still, don't give up too early. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Most women WILL be able to breastfeed if they want to keep at it and do keep at it. With a c-section sometimes you give birth when your body wasn't ready to and that also can cause your milk not to come in until IT is ready.
I still say suppliment so your baby is getting nutrition and calories but keep at it for a couple of weeks at least.
Did the poster ever come back or did they continue posting on the forum with the OTHER name they go by
do not worry about it AT ALL! many women have trouble. there is nothing wrong with a bottle fed baby. thousands and thousands of babies have been raised this way. just hold her close and she will be just fine. do what makes you both comfortable
Sometimes, however, the LLL folks can contribute to the feelings of inadequacy (which leads to the guilt) by contending that "if you just do this" or "just try that", everything will work out. And sometimes, it just doesn't. Not everyone can nurse, no matter HOW many times they do this or that. The milk just isn't there.
I'm sure the LLL people are well intentioned but, like everyone else, they have agendas they'd like to encourage. And sometimes, it seems as if that agenda does induce guilt in those who don't quite measure up, as if you're not a "real" mom if you don't nurse. As if you can't possibly bond if you don't nurse. They don't say that but that's the message a non-nursing mom may take away.
Bottom line: Baby needs to eat by whatever means necesssary and available. If it's breast, great. If it's bottle/formula, that's great, too. I just don't want mom to feel guilty for something over which she may not have any control.
Sometimes, however, the LLL folks can contribute to the feelings of inadequacy (which leads to the guilt) by contending that "if you just do this" or "just try that", everything will work out. And sometimes, it just doesn't. Not everyone can nurse, no matter HOW many times they do this or that. The milk just isn't there.
I'm sure the LLL people are well intentioned but, like everyone else, they have agendas they'd like to encourage. And sometimes, it seems as if that agenda does induce guilt in those who don't quite measure up, as if you're not a "real" mom if you don't nurse. As if you can't possibly bond if you don't nurse. They don't say that but that's the message a non-nursing mom may take away.
Bottom line: Baby needs to eat by whatever means necesssary and available. If it's breast, great. If it's bottle/formula, that's great, too. I just don't want mom to feel guilty for something over which she may not have any control.
Just curious. What are the "agendas" of the LLL? I don't think they have anything to sell, unlike the billion dollar formula industry. Their goal is to help women to continue to offer what has proven to be the best and superior food to their infants, right?
Most sources state that only 1-5% of woman CANNOT breastfeed. I don't see how offering support and encouragement to a woman trying to nurse her baby can possibly be construed as bad?
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c-sections
