Becoming a SAHM in THIS Economy?!

[Spanishrose1]

Originally Posted by 121804

I absolutely never see anything anymore, especially in places that are paid for by public funds, such as the library, that says "Mommy and Me" or "Mommy & Baby"...it is now "Parent & Me" or "Parent & Baby".

Many times, the attitude you give off as a parent is far more telling more than if you are a male or female....

Keep in mind, it goes both ways

A lot of things are society driven. For years females were the caretakers. Its a new thing having the Dads take more active roles. Like you said maybe that will change someday soon, especially with this economy causing so many job losses there may be many parents being at home more often.

If it makes you feel better, women get the brush off my other women too if we don't meet their personal standards. There's a lot of snobs out there and they create little niches.

I do have to add that the Community Center and Library have many daytime activities whjere I live, too. They seem geared towards the females. The rooms will even be decorated kinda girly (from having no male input I guess?). I've never understood that, either, so I'm with ya on that one, MrMom.

Maybe the ladies get used to not having that many dads doing things in those arenas, so they don't give it much thought, get used to doing their own thing, and don't know how to react when a dad does show up?

[hypocore]

Originally Posted by MrMom2

no offense meant Maybe you're right. Maybe people here are just rude (at least to men, as they seem to like each other just fine).

I wish I knew the answer to that. I dunno why they feel the need to leave the playgrounds when we arrived leaving only me and my son alone in an area that only 10 minutes ago was teeming with people. I dunno why when I'd take my son to Mommy and Me reading at the public library that the ladies would get all quiet and avoid talking to us.

For the record: They didn't have Daddy and Me reading things, so I was kinda forced to have to deal with those things to have my son involved. Almost everything was addressed to Moms. Some activities were even things my son liked at the time (example: High School Musical), but the activity would only be for girls or of a certain age group, so he wouldn't get to go. Having PDD-NOS my son acts a bit younger than he is so those groups probably would have worked better for him than groups with older kids where he has trouble relating.

I don't know why at play groups, the women would gab quietly and not address me except for one nice neighbor who'd chat away about whatever (which was nice). She was a nice lady. Shame she moved a couple years back.

I don't know why when I volunteered at the school why the ladies wouldn't really have anything for me to do while they chatted away about stuff non-school related and seemed to make it clear I really didn't belong there. Like I was an outsider in their little girl club.

I don't know why people don't say hello to us when we walk down the street or get nervous if it appears I'm alone. I'm not exactly intimidating, just a normal guy. Maybe where I live people are overly paranoid? Who knows.

I don't know why when me and the boy take a walk the mothers pushing the baby strollers will greet the other mothers walking past them with a smile, but just brush past the males even when the man says hello. Its kinda rude, but I don't have a clue why they do it.

I don't know why the assumption was always that my wife took care of everything here at home while I worked a paying job. I don't know why my wife would get invited to parties with the ladies (the same ladies who knew I was the domestic). I don't know why teachers will say "ask your Moms if 'whatever' and let us know tomorrow at school". I don't know why tv ads address only the moms as though Dads don't exist (ex: Jif peanut butter and Kix cereal). Its just how our society is and hopefully 50 years from now that will be gone.

If I did know why the SAHMs do those things in my area, maybe I could have addressed it at the time. Its too late now. My boy is out of the toddler phase and play dates. I was giving the future SAHD there some fair warning so it wouldn't take him by suprise like it did to me. Getting treated that way hurts you feelings and does create an air of bitterness.

Sorry again and I didn't mean to offend

It's no different for females when they are put into situations where it's more typical of men to be participating.

My son plays little league ball. At practice, most dads talk to each other and don't address the moms about anything field/game related. Now, when it comes time to discuss snack assignment or concession, they call out for the moms. haha

Men at a gathering are discussing sports when my 23 yr old daughter walks up and they begin to talk 'over' her, not including her.

My 11 yr old daughter and I walk into the science museum where there is a crowd of males gathered around a snake and the man holding it automatically turns it further away from us girls.

Ah, and last year at a boy cousin's birthday party where they were playing war with Nerf Guns...and my daughter was given the opportunity to stay with the moms so she doesn't have to fight with the boys.

Uh huh...it's all happened, and much much more.

The thing is....we don't LET it continue that way. We ever so politely we let them know that we are interested in doing exactly what they are doing and are definitely capable.

When the new coach learns that I played softball and fully understand baseball much more than my husband does, I get included in the discussions and decisions. My husband worked at an amusement park when he was a teen, in a food place, so HE does the concession stand time.

My 23 yr old daughter can discuss sports in nearly as much, and in some cases more, than most men, so she jumps right in even when not asked. She often catches them by surprise.

My 11 yr old daughter reaches out automatically for the snake and the handler is surprised but eager to let her handle it once he sees she's not afraid and knows almost as much about it as the others there. She also turned out to be a better shot at that party than most of the boys there!

Sooo, it happens both ways and is just human nature. It's how you react as an individual to each situation and the attitude held about it that changes that same situation.

[MrMom2]

You're very right. Hopefully Zoom can take that good advice before his baby grows out of those play date years.

just to add: I like the people that are suprised when a boy likes High School Musical or Hannah Montana and assume he might be gay or effeminate. Then when asked whats so girly about those two shows they can't really give you a definitive answer other than the merchandising being geared towards girls and that Hannah is a role model for girls, but other than that there's really nothing particularly feminine about those shows (overall) and since my boy has a huge crush on Ashley Tisdale and Emily Osment, that sorta throws the gay thing out the window.

Or the ever famous "well usually girls like dancing more than boys".. but last i checked there were a heck of alot a straight males dancing in those movies Talk about good inspiration for boys. How small minded.

Originally Posted by hypocore

It's no different for females when they are put into situations where it's more typical of men to be participating.

My son plays little league ball. At practice, most dads talk to each other and don't address the moms about anything field/game related. Now, when it comes time to discuss snack assignment or concession, they call out for the moms. haha

Men at a gathering are discussing sports when my 23 yr old daughter walks up and they begin to talk 'over' her, not including her.

My 11 yr old daughter and I walk into the science museum where there is a crowd of males gathered around a snake and the man holding it automatically turns it further away from us girls.

Ah, and last year at a boy cousin's birthday party where they were playing war with Nerf Guns...and my daughter was given the opportunity to stay with the moms so she doesn't have to fight with the boys.

Uh huh...it's all happened, and much much more.

The thing is....we don't LET it continue that way. We ever so politely we let them know that we are interested in doing exactly what they are doing and are definitely capable.

When the new coach learns that I played softball and fully understand baseball much more than my husband does, I get included in the discussions and decisions. My husband worked at an amusement park when he was a teen, in a food place, so HE does the concession stand time.

My 23 yr old daughter can discuss sports in nearly as much, and in some cases more, than most men, so she jumps right in even when not asked. She often catches them by surprise.

My 11 yr old daughter reaches out automatically for the snake and the handler is surprised but eager to let her handle it once he sees she's not afraid and knows almost as much about it as the others there. She also turned out to be a better shot at that party than most of the boys there!

Sooo, it happens both ways and is just human nature. It's how you react as an individual to each situation and the attitude held about it that changes that same situation.