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But that's exactly the reason 99% of people turn their heads. The woman ended up calling her would be benefactors "liars". She went home with the man and to her the hot sex or money he provides is more important than her own child. You really cannot do anything for people who don't want help.
I think you went waaaay too far! Abusers seldom start their abusing by being physical. It starts with pyschological abuse so that the victim thinks there is no other way.
I have no idea what her life is like, but I'm guessing there is a high likelihood that the husband has made it clear to her that he will kill her and/or their child if she ever leaves.
I'm actually really pissed off that you insiduate that she is staying with him for sex or money!
I think many women stay with abusers because they feel they have no choice. Some women don't have supportive families to go to or the means to support themselves and their child. They fully believe they have no real options Sometimes they devil you know is easier to deal with than the devil you don't. It's very sad.
I think many women stay with abusers because they feel they have no choice. Some women don't have supportive families to go to or the means to support themselves and their child. They fully believe they have no real options Sometimes they devil you know is easier to deal with than the devil you don't. It's very sad.
so true--been there--i applaud you for taking a stand---seems like the police/laws dropped the ball--in some states,whether the partner presses charges or not the perpetrator is hauled off to jail anyway
My husband and I decided to get an early dinner tonight and stopped at a restaurant we like in Wake Forest. As we exited our car and proceeded to the restaurant we saw a couple coming out with what appeared to be a 3 year old child in the mothers arms. The father was cussing and yelling at the woman so loudly that we just stopped in the middle of the parking lot. The man looked at us and yelled...."don't worry you can go in now, we're leaving"! He continued to berate his wife and then all of a sudden hit her and she fell to the ground. At that point we yelled to the employees (that were looking out the window) to call 911. Not knowing if they could hear us we called ourselves. At that time the couple's friends came out and the woman said to the male friend that her husband just hit her. When she walked by me she said she didn't need the cops. The other man with them also told us not to call. However there was no way we were going to let this go especially with such a young child involved.. Well long story short the Wake Forest police arrived, the woman told them nothing happened and they went on their way. One of the police officers came to return our id's and said that since she refused to press charges that there was nothing they can do! Is this really the law here? What about the safety and well being of the child? Who looks out for them? I can only imagine what this man does behind closed doors if he would do this in front of us in broad daylight! I could barely eat after this and just kept thinking about this innocent little child in the middle of all this. Although I initially felt sorry for the wife, I found myself feeling a lot of anger towards her as well for not protecting her child!
If he didn't hit the kid, what makes you think he's in danger? I don't get it.
Several reasons....it is not a far stretch to imagine that a "man" who would hit his wife (in public and while holding said child no less) would hesitate to also hit the child...Also - being exposed to physical abuse is also abusive. How safe do you think that child feels when his dad beats up his mom?
Sorry for the short response previously - I came back to rephrase. Quite honestly, I was so shocked at your comment I just typed the first thing that came to mind....
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-10-2009 at 01:31 PM..
Reason: re thought wording
The child is in danger because one day he will be old enough to know it's wrong and try to stand up for mom and get pummeled himself. Or, he might see this as OK and be an abuser himself.
Haven't you ever heard children from abusive home situations talk about how traumatizing it is?
I personally don't care if the woman wants to go back and get her face beat in everyday, but their children should be taken away from them and they should be sterilized.
And no one needs to tell me about the psychology of abuse, I'm a social worker and know all about what they say.
If he didn't hit the kid, what makes you think he's in danger? I don't get it.
20yrsinBranson
What, you don't get that is isn't okay to hit, in general? Or that the child should not have to witness such abuse...or even then possibly have it happen to them??!?
op- you tried to do the right thing,and that is better than most would do seeing the same
I think you went waaaay too far! Abusers seldom start their abusing by being physical. It starts with pyschological abuse so that the victim thinks there is no other way.
I have no idea what her life is like, but I'm guessing there is a high likelihood that the husband has made it clear to her that he will kill her and/or their child if she ever leaves.
I'm actually really pissed off that you insiduate that she is staying with him for sex or money!
I know of a woman killed by her husband in a beautiful big home. Her own daughter begged her to leave, took her apartment hunting, found every way to help her leave her father, help her leave town, go where he wouldn't know where she was, offered to take her into her own home.
It always came down to that the mother didn't want to leave her beautiful big gorgeous house. So she suffered abuse, cheating, and one day in a drunken rage, he threw her against the wall. He called 911 and after a couple weeks she died, never came out of the coma. It wasn't investigated as murder, in fact it wasn't investigated at all but the doctors all said her injuries were inconsistent with it being a fall like her husband claimed. She never had to give up her big wonderful house though.
I also know that the women's shelters can't allow the women to have telephones because so many will call their abuser and inform him of where they are which endangers everyone including staff and volunteers.
I think in most cases it's the material possessions/money or male "companionship" (sex) they don't want to lose.
Another case I know of very well, the woman was extremely overweight and her husband would insult her constantly and in front of her own family. He would call her a pig, sneer at her for wanting seconds at family events, make her cry in front of family members. Her relatives pleaded with her to leave, offered her a room in their house, told her she shouldn't live that way. Her answer - "well look at me, how would I ever get another man looking like I do".
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Abusers seldom start their abusing by being physical. It starts with pyschological abuse so that the victim thinks there is no other way. 
