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My kids all had pacifiers, they weaned themselves at around age 2. When they were around 1 they only got them for naps and long car rides (which usually turned into naps). Our oldest got a hole in his and after that he never wanted it again. DD lost hers and was fine, our youngest also got a hole in his and never wanted it again. None of them have orthodontic/dental issues caused by pacifiers. None of them have any mental scaring caused by pacifier use. They all speak normally and have not required any kind of speech therapy. Letting your child use a pacifier does not make you a bad mom, contrary to some believes. It does not cause nipple confusion (which is something made up in my opinion). If you want your child to use a pacifier, do it. I agree that a 4 year old walking around with one is a little too much but there is NOTHING wrong with a 1 or 2 year old needing one for nap time. I would MUCH rather they had a pacifier then having to drag a blanket all over creation or worse yet, have them suck their thumb.
There are two types of attachment to a pacifier. Here, you talk about the physical attachment, not the emotional/physiological at all.
Too old for a pacifier is when a child can get up and walk around. If they are still sucking one beyond that, it because their emotional needs were neglected by popping a pacifier in their mouths whenever they cried instead of addressing their needs. They learned to be comforted by sucking. That is a sign of neglect or a parent who seriously does not have a clue to what they are doing. There is no need for one. Recommending a two year old to be sucking on one is very sad. A two year old child has to be comforted by sucking on something? What type of foundation does this teach them emotionally long term?
There is a lot of supporting physiological evidence that has showed the link between great emotional attachment to a child’s parents and parents in tune with their child’s need so they do not cry as much or developed physiologically unhealthy ways to comfort themselves. You might be appalled at the parent who lets their newborn infant cry without touching them because they feel they need to cry it out. The child NEEDS physical touch and to be comforted in normal ways. Not just sticking a pacifier in their mouth to shut them up.
Point is, if a child’s needs are neglected, they develop ways of dealing with that that are not always healthy, bad eating habits to more extreme and that all starts with a child when they are first born.
You are teaching your child about comfort and how to express how they need things to you. Sticking a pacifier in their mouths is a poor way to address those needs. A child over the age of one should not have need one. They should be able to communicate in verbal as well as non-verbal ways to get you to understand their needs. If you have spent their entire life listening to them, naturally it will be easier and you will have a child who does not whine and cry for their needs between ages 1-2. I know this because I have been working with and raising kids since I was 11 years old (those weren‘t my kids). I worked a kid who at 2.5 could not live without her pacifier….when her mother was home. It was so odd that when I was there, she never touched the thing. Of course, Mom brushed her kid off constantly and was all ways “busy” instead of stopping and taking care of the child’s needs, giving her positive attention such as hugs or acknowledging simple achievements.
AND the same thing goes with a blanket or sucking their thumb. Our son had the problem because he spent a week with nearly no physical contact (NICU) and he learned to comfort himself this way. If you do not allow that to happen for a typical child, this will never develop in the first place.
It did cause nipple confusion for our daughter, who was given one for NO REASON by a nurse when she was born. I did not allow the nurses to remove our daughter from my room and was there constantly. While I was sleeping, she came in and popped it in her mouth because of her strong belief that she needed it.
The middle child never was attached to blankets, pacifiers, thumb or any other thing because no one gave them to him in the first place, I never left him with anyone I thought might neglect his needs for even a minute or might encourage the attachment. It is a physiological addiction that happens when someone relies on something to deal with stress.
On the flip side, if you learn how to read your child'd physical cues, not only do you eliminate the attachment to those items, you also have a baby who learns to rely on those physical cues to communicate with you rather than crying.
Once a child is mobile and eating foods versus taking all bottles is when a pacifier should be removed or limited to when they are in bed. Any time past that becomes a crutch for them and a soother instead of meeting their need to suck.
So, once that time frame has passed it becomes an adult issue and not a child issue. Once the parent decides that they can parent without the pacifier it's really easy to accomplish. It's all in the mindset of the parents. Really.
In the 11 years I spent in a child care center, there wasn't one single child that didn't willingly give up their pacifier while in care after being with us for about a week. (health regulations don't allow pacifiers anytime except for when they are napping) They might have it in their mouth from pick up until they returned the next day, however when they walked in the building they either handed it right to mom, the teacher or put it in their cubby without hesitation. Parents always wanted to know how we accomplished it. Easy. We just told them no, and got them busy doing other things or distracted in other ways.
None of my 4 ever invested themselves in one either, however if they had I would have simply thrown them away when I was ready for them to be done and that would be that. They can cry all they want, it's not coming back and soon they'd be on to the next thing.
This just proves that the "need" for a pacifier is a myth.
There are two types of attachment to a pacifier. Here, you talk about the physical attachment, not the emotional/physiological at all.
Too old for a pacifier is when a child can get up and walk around. If they are still sucking one beyond that, it because their emotional needs were neglected by popping a pacifier in their mouths whenever they cried instead of addressing their needs. They learned to be comforted by sucking. That is a sign of neglect or a parent who seriously does not have a clue to what they are doing. There is no need for one. Recommending a two year old to be sucking on one is very sad. A two year old child has to be comforted by sucking on something? What type of foundation does this teach them emotionally long term?
There is a lot of supporting physiological evidence that has showed the link between great emotional attachment to a child’s parents and parents in tune with their child’s need so they do not cry as much or developed physiologically unhealthy ways to comfort themselves. You might be appalled at the parent who lets their newborn infant cry without touching them because they feel they need to cry it out. The child NEEDS physical touch and to be comforted in normal ways. Not just sticking a pacifier in their mouth to shut them up.
Point is, if a child’s needs are neglected, they develop ways of dealing with that that are not always healthy, bad eating habits to more extreme and that all starts with a child when they are first born.
You are teaching your child about comfort and how to express how they need things to you. Sticking a pacifier in their mouths is a poor way to address those needs. A child over the age of one should not have need one. They should be able to communicate in verbal as well as non-verbal ways to get you to understand their needs. If you have spent their entire life listening to them, naturally it will be easier and you will have a child who does not whine and cry for their needs between ages 1-2. I know this because I have been working with and raising kids since I was 11 years old (those weren‘t my kids). I worked a kid who at 2.5 could not live without her pacifier….when her mother was home. It was so odd that when I was there, she never touched the thing. Of course, Mom brushed her kid off constantly and was all ways “busy” instead of stopping and taking care of the child’s needs, giving her positive attention such as hugs or acknowledging simple achievements.
AND the same thing goes with a blanket or sucking their thumb. Our son had the problem because he spent a week with nearly no physical contact (NICU) and he learned to comfort himself this way. If you do not allow that to happen for a typical child, this will never develop in the first place.
It did cause nipple confusion for our daughter, who was given one for NO REASON by a nurse when she was born. I did not allow the nurses to remove our daughter from my room and was there constantly. While I was sleeping, she came in and popped it in her mouth because of her strong belief that she needed it.
The middle child never was attached to blankets, pacifiers, thumb or any other thing because no one gave them to him in the first place, I never left him with anyone I thought might neglect his needs for even a minute or might encourage the attachment. It is a physiological addiction that happens when someone relies on something to deal with stress.
On the flip side, if you learn how to read your child'd physical cues, not only do you eliminate the attachment to those items, you also have a baby who learns to rely on those physical cues to communicate with you rather than crying.
I guess it's easy to say that when you don't know the child.
I can assure you I am a great parent and everything you said above is false at least in my case.
My child's needs are met. And many people believe just the opposite as stated above. I have not come close to neglecting my child and neither have many people who use pacifiers and blankets.
Like I said. She started out wanting to suck and suck and suck. She would have been on my breast 23hours/the 24 in a day.
Maybe you should write a book and help out all the neglectful and lazy parents. Sounds like you could prevent alot of the children who used pacifiers from becoming serial killers scitzophrenics.
So anyhow, I put the paci away. However she woke up in a rage and cried for 4 hours last night for her "binkay." She eventually fell back asleep only to wake up searching for it. She has been crying all day begging me for it. I'm going to leave it on her table next to her crib after she falls asleep in case she needs it at night. I need music on or a fan in the background to sleep. I don't see the big deal with the binky for now if it means that much to her.
And I've NEVER read anything bad about them used at this age. Neither psychologically or physically. Her doctor AND dentist both aren't worried.
There are two types of attachment to a pacifier. Here, you talk about the physical attachment, not the emotional/physiological at all.
Too old for a pacifier is when a child can get up and walk around. If they are still sucking one beyond that, it because their emotional needs were neglected by popping a pacifier in their mouths whenever they cried instead of addressing their needs. They learned to be comforted by sucking. That is a sign of neglect or a parent who seriously does not have a clue to what they are doing. There is no need for one. Recommending a two year old to be sucking on one is very sad. A two year old child has to be comforted by sucking on something? What type of foundation does this teach them emotionally long term?
There is a lot of supporting physiological evidence that has showed the link between great emotional attachment to a child’s parents and parents in tune with their child’s need so they do not cry as much or developed physiologically unhealthy ways to comfort themselves. You might be appalled at the parent who lets their newborn infant cry without touching them because they feel they need to cry it out. The child NEEDS physical touch and to be comforted in normal ways. Not just sticking a pacifier in their mouth to shut them up.
Point is, if a child’s needs are neglected, they develop ways of dealing with that that are not always healthy, bad eating habits to more extreme and that all starts with a child when they are first born.
You are teaching your child about comfort and how to express how they need things to you. Sticking a pacifier in their mouths is a poor way to address those needs. A child over the age of one should not have need one. They should be able to communicate in verbal as well as non-verbal ways to get you to understand their needs. If you have spent their entire life listening to them, naturally it will be easier and you will have a child who does not whine and cry for their needs between ages 1-2. I know this because I have been working with and raising kids since I was 11 years old (those weren‘t my kids). I worked a kid who at 2.5 could not live without her pacifier….when her mother was home. It was so odd that when I was there, she never touched the thing. Of course, Mom brushed her kid off constantly and was all ways “busy” instead of stopping and taking care of the child’s needs, giving her positive attention such as hugs or acknowledging simple achievements.
AND the same thing goes with a blanket or sucking their thumb. Our son had the problem because he spent a week with nearly no physical contact (NICU) and he learned to comfort himself this way. If you do not allow that to happen for a typical child, this will never develop in the first place.
It did cause nipple confusion for our daughter, who was given one for NO REASON by a nurse when she was born. I did not allow the nurses to remove our daughter from my room and was there constantly. While I was sleeping, she came in and popped it in her mouth because of her strong belief that she needed it.
The middle child never was attached to blankets, pacifiers, thumb or any other thing because no one gave them to him in the first place, I never left him with anyone I thought might neglect his needs for even a minute or might encourage the attachment. It is a physiological addiction that happens when someone relies on something to deal with stress.
On the flip side, if you learn how to read your child'd physical cues, not only do you eliminate the attachment to those items, you also have a baby who learns to rely on those physical cues to communicate with you rather than crying.
You can neglect your child's needs without realizing it. It may be because you do not recognize those needs which could be caused by a huge disconnect in a society between social trends and basic natural instinct. How do cultures in the world that do not have access to pacifiers deal with it? Do you really think they have an increase in finger/thumb sucking or blanket attachment? I highly doubt it.
Let us see it from purely nature's view. You have a fetus that grows and is inside their mother, getting to know their mother, throughout an entire pregenancy. Naturally, after birth, the mammal baby would spend a certain amount of time with their baby until natural curiousity lures the child from the safety and comfort of their mother.
That is not how it happens now. The baby is now taken and put in a room all along with no sight, sound or touch of their mother. It must be terrifying for the infant. Of course they "must" learn this. The next thing we do that says that nature is no longer is charge, is do our best to get our children to sleep through the night, because it's not what is best for the child but what is most convenient for the parents. When the child wakes to find themselves alone and/or are hungry, they cry. Enter parent, who sticks a pacifier in their mouth. Instead of addressing the child's need...fear, hunger, ect, we train them to sleep through the night and naps by depending on a separate comfort device. When they wake to be changed, fed, or simply conforted and assured they are not allone, they wake and find a way to comfort themselves, because we have trained them to do so. To us 5 minutes alone may not seem so long, but the younger a child is, the longer it seems to them. For an infant to be expected to so alone, it is very hard for them and they look for some sort of comfort to deal with all that stress. Enter pacifier, blanket, toy, ect.
When our first child was born, I had a c-section. The nurses did not want my daughter in the room with me unattended, like I might not be able to take care of her. I refused to allow them to take her so they put her bed at the foot of my bed where I could not reach easily. I woke with my baby and paged for a nurse to come down in the night. I told her my newborn needed to be changed. She told me that she was not crying and "assured" me that she was fine. I insisted that she change her. She told me since I was a first time mom, I had no clue and would "learn" my baby's cries. I again insisted and she went ahead to check her, all but telling me she was about to prove me wrong. Nope. I proved the long time nurse wrong. When she left, I crawled to the end of the bed and moved the bed around where I could reach her. After awhile, she just laid there and squirmed. I tried to sleep with my hand on her but finally gave up and laid her on my chest and we both rested peacefully. Enter nurse again who throws a fit about it and tries to move the bed. This went on until her shift ended and I got someone who was much better and left us alone to sleep unless I called her. (Surprisingly, I was even allowed to have my door shut. The other nurse wouldn't allow it.)
To make a long story shorter, our hospital had a strict minimum 72 hour time at the hospital before sending baby and mom home and had assured me at the start since this was my first child on top of that, I would be there for a minimum of 5 days. I had 3 doctors and 5 nurses in my room and they were observing "an unusual phenomenon" of the connection we had with our infant. 24 hours after her birth, we were talking with our doctor about going home because there was nothing more they could do for me or our baby. I was up doing everything unassisted and only had a nurses help to watch our baby while I showered. Other than that, they just checked vitals on schedule. They had never seen such in tune parents and such a content focused baby in their entire careers, her lifting her head up and holding it, smiling, ect. and we who watched her physical cues and were able to attend her needs before she cried about it. The entire time we were like..."And what is so special? No one else is like this? How does everyone else manage?"
To make a long story shorter, our hospital had a strict minimum 72 hour time at the hospital before sending baby and mom home and had assured me at the start since this was my first child on top of that, I would be there for a minimum of 5 days. I had 3 doctors and 5 nurses in my room and they were observing "an unusual phenomenon" of the connection we had with our infant. 24 hours after her birth, we were talking with our doctor about going home because there was nothing more they could do for me or our baby. I was up doing everything unassisted and only had a nurses help to watch our baby while I showered. Other than that, they just checked vitals on schedule. They had never seen such in tune parents and such a content focused baby in their entire careers, her lifting her head up and holding it, smiling, ect. and we who watched her physical cues and were able to attend her needs before she cried about it. The entire time we were like..."And what is so special? No one else is like this? How does everyone else manage?"
I am sorry but I just do not believe this at all 3 doctors and 5 nurses with you at once. Babies can leave the hospital after 24 hrs. C/s mothers on the other hand need a longer recovery. You are saying you had a miraculous recovery. The doctor can release you early if you have no complications and ask for it. I only spent 48hrs after my 2nd c/s because I wanted to get home to my dd.
How do cultures in the world that do not have access to pacifiers deal with it? Do you really think they have an increase in finger/thumb sucking or blanket attachment? I highly doubt it.
When our first child was born, I had a c-section. The nurses did not want my daughter in the room with me unattended, like I might not be able to take care of her. I refused to allow them to take her so they put her bed at the foot of my bed where I could not reach easily. I woke with my baby and paged for a nurse to come down in the night. I told her my newborn needed to be changed. She told me that she was not crying and "assured" me that she was fine. I insisted that she change her. She told me since I was a first time mom, I had no clue and would "learn" my baby's cries. I again insisted and she went ahead to check her, all but telling me she was about to prove me wrong. Nope. I proved the long time nurse wrong. When she left, I crawled to the end of the bed and moved the bed around where I could reach her. After awhile, she just laid there and squirmed. I tried to sleep with my hand on her but finally gave up and laid her on my chest and we both rested peacefully. Enter nurse again who throws a fit about it and tries to move the bed. This went on until her shift ended and I got someone who was much better and left us alone to sleep unless I called her. (Surprisingly, I was even allowed to have my door shut. The other nurse wouldn't allow it.)
To make a long story shorter, our hospital had a strict minimum 72 hour time at the hospital before sending baby and mom home and had assured me at the start since this was my first child on top of that, I would be there for a minimum of 5 days. I had 3 doctors and 5 nurses in my room and they were observing "an unusual phenomenon" of the connection we had with our infant. 24 hours after her birth, we were talking with our doctor about going home because there was nothing more they could do for me or our baby. I was up doing everything unassisted and only had a nurses help to watch our baby while I showered. Other than that, they just checked vitals on schedule. They had never seen such in tune parents and such a content focused baby in their entire careers, her lifting her head up and holding it, smiling, ect. and we who watched her physical cues and were able to attend her needs before she cried about it. The entire time we were like..."And what is so special? No one else is like this? How does everyone else manage?"
You love to do this "What do you think your grandparents did when there was no running water?" "How do you think our ancestors survived without electricity" "Our grandmothers caught the poop in their hand b/c diapers didn't exist, so obviously there is no need for diapers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & you are a weak parent if you put a diaper on your baby!".
So, if AFTER the nurse left you could move to get the baby, why didn't you get the baby the first time?
And why couldn't you change your own baby?
Why did you have 3 docs & 5 nurses in your room? To "observe" what..your wonderwoman powers?
Seriously, this post is a trip. It's like comedy hour on CD forum.
Miasmommy, I don't agree with about 99% of the your posts, but cmon, if you are falling for this poster.....
flickbecky- it's a great story...b/c that is what it is...a fictional story you are making up....
You love to do this "What do you think your grandparents did when there was no running water?" "How do you think our ancestors survived without electricity" "Our grandmothers caught the poop in their hand b/c diapers didn't exist, so obviously there is no need for diapers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & you are a weak parent if you put a diaper on your baby!".
So, if AFTER the nurse left you could move to get the baby, why didn't you get the baby the first time?
And why couldn't you change your own baby?
Why did you have 3 docs & 5 nurses in your room? To "observe" what..your wonderwoman powers?
Seriously, this post is a trip. It's like comedy hour on CD forum.
Miasmommy, I don't agree with about 99% of the your posts, but cmon, if you are falling for this poster.....
flickbecky- it's a great story...b/c that is what it is...a fictional story you are making up....
Oh no. I'm not falling for it. I'm suprised this is coming from Flik.
I just find it interesting that she thinks that I stuck a paci in my kid's mouth everytime she uttered a sound. Or that all parents do that who use pacis.
I'm sure many of you know my views and how I can be a bit pushy when I believe in something with passion and whole heart, but this is just insane. I've never heard someone generalize and judge so harshly in my entire life. Really!
I have know parents to a very small hole in the end of it. And just make that hole bigger so the 'sucking' action is no longer functional. They start with a small hole, make it a little bigger, then bigger until the kid dislikes it..throws a fit and then is done with it...
What people say is the hardest is the few days after...when it affects their sleep... Makes momma unhappy...
If that doesn't work...try the 'binky fairy'...
I hope people who feel the need to judge feel better...Geez...it is a paci for crying out loud. Get over it already.
I have know parents to a very small hole in the end of it. And just make that hole bigger so the 'sucking' action is no longer functional. They start with a small hole, make it a little bigger, then bigger until the kid dislikes it..throws a fit and then is done with it...
What people say is the hardest is the few days after...when it affects their sleep... Makes momma unhappy...
If that doesn't work...try the 'binky fairy'...
I hope people who feel the need to judge feel better...Geez...it is a paci for crying out loud. Get over it already.
While my kid is pretty smart, I'm not able to reason with her. I just feel bad that I am not able to explain to her why I'm taking it away. She's actually been screaming in her crib for an hour for her "BIIIIIINNNNKAAAAYY!"
I went in and told her that the binky has to go night night too. And to please lie down for mommy. I told her I loved her and left. Ten minutes later she was screaming again. Today she looked miserable. She cried and wouldn't eat and at times just was lying on the floor doing nothing. Then she would come to me and look in both of my hands and then in my pockets and say "momma binky peeeeeeezzzz."
The actual fact that she uses a binky doesn't really bother me I guess. She's not big on asking for it in public even if she falls or sees a stranger and so on.
If she is like this in a couple of days I'm giving it back until we can have a "binky going away party" or something and when she is better to understand. Especially after the the posts I've read on here I now realize I'm not alone.
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