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You know where she is, you are probably confident she has food and shelter and is relatively safe right now, no?
I'm not sure why you couldn't comb your hair for two days when your adult aged daughter moved out of the house even when you know where she is. I'm sorry but that sounds like a whole lot of drama to me. Is that typical in your mother/daughter relationship?
I had something similar. My 18 didn't get along well with her 17 year old sister nor did she like some of our rules. We let her live with her girl friend for 2 and a half months her senior year. It was very difficult on me and her little 8 year old sister who she was very close to. I tried to keep the lines of communication open and showed her love even though, at times I was furious.(She didn't know that.) I called her at least once a day and slowly she started to come home more. It's been 2 years and life is back to normal now...maybe even sweeter. Keep the lines of communication flowing..love her as a person but not the bad behavior. Also, realize that teens are truly insane at times (joke).
Regarding her boyfriend, our daughter dated someone we didn't care for and who was too clingy for two years. The more we complained the closer they became. At one point we put our foot down. They still saw each other but secretly. I just let it go and eventually they grew apart. Your daughter does want your approval believe it or not. Hang in there and she will see the light soon.
Ouch ... that is a terrible reason for having children and one that, sooner or later, would end up hurting you.
This was never a consideration, and my first 2 children that are 28 and 31 have always held me in the highest regard. Those two children came out exacty what I intended... which was really great people that the universe put us together as a unit (as people, not necessarily as mother and kids) to move through this life to love and support each other. My kids are like this... if they happened to be someone else's kids, had I got to know them, I would have loved them just as much for the people they were. I very much admire my son, as he is a great husband and father. My 28 year old daughter is studying for her real estate appraisal exam. As I mentioned earlier, my car broke down, and I am using her car until mine gets out the shop, which is very kind of her. So my intent was to surround myself with people I loved and who loved me. It just so HAPPENED to be the childen I had in my life. I really lucked up there. So for the first 2 this worked fine, but pehaps the 10 year gap between siblings changed things and brought to light that I did not have another cookie cutter kid, The first 2 were quite alike since they were only 3 years apart (april 26th and april 29th) but this last child was completely different. If I had it to do over again... I would definitely had the chikden (individuals) to accompany me thru this life. I just would like to bring a bit of clarification to my intentions of having children. Thank YOU Jaggy for the observation.
Smooth
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Could be simple as him letting his parents know they wont be getting money from him anymore if they have a problem with her staying there.
Not sure about this... What I am thinking, if this was the case, the BF would have taken his 500.00 contribution to the mortgage and moved out long ago, because I am not seen him being a controlling person there... O know he loves his mother very much and would not want to put her in a situation... BUT there is the possibility. I am not over at that house and that might very well be the dynamic going on there. Could be a strong possibility and that you for the statement. Truly food for thought in attempting to unravel it all.
You know where she is, you are probably confident she has food and shelter and is relatively safe right now, no?
I'm not sure why you couldn't comb your hair for two days when your adult aged daughter moved out of the house even when you know where she is. I'm sorry but that sounds like a whole lot of drama to me. Is that typical in your mother/daughter relationship?
Thank you for the snap of reality there... but it is not all drama. You see, as for my adult aged daughter, the difference is this... she has NOT graduated from high school. So you see, I am just getting over the disappointment of THAT drama, and leaving her graduation date open ended for whenever SHE completes it. I have already finished and accepted her not walking across the stage on time drama. My first 2 children did not leave home until they were in their 20's and the whole thing caught me off guard.
So as for not combing my hair for 2 days (the weekend), I felt I just needed to feel what I feel and not try to keep a stiff upper lip about the whole thing. I have cried for almost a week now, which has been very dramatic for me, and since she has not been here, the only one I have has to share the drama is with myself and those that have listened to me on this board.
So tomorrow is Monday... I WILL comb my hair, get dressed, go to work, drink my 16oz. Rock Star energy drink, drive 150 miles round trip, put myself deep in my work and get some relief that way and for the most part of the day, I will be able to put this all away. I have employees who have reviews due tomorrow, so I will need to prepare for that, but I drive home alone, where no one else can see, not that I really care about that, but this is not something I share with my coworkers or even other family members. I am hoping to resolve this before this has to happen. So drama, yes... but it is my far the most dramatic thing that has happened in my life since my mothers passing in 2004, but thank you for bringing this up as a consideration and a possibility.
And yes, so far as I know she is safe and I know where she is, which should be reassuring. I thinkk it is the rejection that is a real issue for me and the fact that she likes it better there than the home I have worked to provide for her.
Last edited by diamondgirl999; 09-14-2009 at 01:02 AM..
t's been 2 years and life is back to normal now...maybe even sweeter. Keep the lines of communication flowing..love her as a person but not the bad behavior. Also, realize that teens are truly insane at times (joke).
Just the levity I needed. I know she loves me and hopefully at some times things will go back to normal. Truly insane... is an understatement. LOL Thank you for the bright spot in all this!
diamond, I agree on you with the rejection. We have reasonable expectations of our children. We put alot into them, sacrifice, time, money. To see one walk across the graduation stage is not to much to ask.
I understand the hurt of her rejecting your home.
I understand not being able to really discuss this with anyone. I just was shocked at how my daughter decided to take what I felt was the bottom of the barrel. I did the best I could to show a good example, she chose to go the other way. This is what you will have to accept, prepare for. Make sure you are not a doormat.
Best wishes.
You know where she is, you are probably confident she has food and shelter and is relatively safe right now, no?
I'm not sure why you couldn't comb your hair for two days when your adult aged daughter moved out of the house even when you know where she is. I'm sorry but that sounds like a whole lot of drama to me. Is that typical in your mother/daughter relationship?
Just the mother bear in her coming out.
Do you have children this age?
Just the mother bear in her coming out.
Do you have children this age?
I do have a 20 year old son who has graduated and is still at home and a 16 year old son we have homeschooled the last 2 years who will be graduating early (1 semester left) but not walking in a ceremony because he chose not to.
The one thing mising from this whole discussion is the daughter's point of view. I would suggest that the OP ascertain this before taking any other steps.
Okay All, I'm up and rolling and on my way to work. Let ya know how this day plays out. I really hope to concentrate on me a little bit more today. And my hair IS combed!! LOL
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