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First of all, step parenting is tough, especially when the kids grow up into the teen years. That said my 13 yr old stepson did something that is threatening our marriage.
I don't want to get into the details of the crime, but it was bad enough that it would have put an adult away for 3-5 years. If he keeps his nose clean during home incarceration, we may skate by with probation,community service and restitution paid by us.
To make matters worse my wife is killing me with her nonchalant attitude towards this. The day he came home from detention I used a few select swear words, a few moments later she tells me its unacceptable to swear at kids and tells me that we need family counseling. I tell our son he is not to use the Internet for awhile, and she lets him online while I'm at class. She asks me if she can rent him an XBox game and gets an attitude when I tell her No. She comes back by telling me that I have taken everything else from him. Which is a lie, he is still allowed television, basketball outside,phone etc.
Personally I hope she is still gung ho about going to counseling. I want a third party to see how destructive her attitude is. My feeling is if we don't get on top of our kid's problem now, it will escalate into much bigger problems in several years,and we'll be the ones paying for it (again).
Finally, I hate to say this, but I just don't see our marriage working out. We've had other issues, but her constant babying is pushing me away. I have provided for my stepkids for over 6 years, sometimes I feel like I'm wasting time.
Wow. In my opinion you should definately go to counciling. Make the appointment yourself!! I think you all (step-kids included) could benefit from it. This situation with the step-son should be a wake up call for Mom, but it doesn't sound like it has been.
Do you have other children together and does Mamma treat them differently? The reason I am asking is it seems a parent tries to make up for the step parent thing, which IMO is always wrong, but it is even more wrong if other children are being treated differently. If you have been being the parent to this child for 6 years it doesn't much matter thatyou are the step parent and your wife should respect this. It seems her behavior is significant disrespect to you. You need to be a united front to your children. They will respect you both more if you canmake choices together, and she supports you and does not undermine punishments.
Going forward will be difficult if she does not stop to realize that you 2 HAVE to be a team. Go to counseling. I hope your family finds the strength to move forward and stick together. Bless You.
First of all, step parenting is tough, especially when the kids grow up into the teen years. That said my 13 yr old stepson did something that is threatening our marriage.
I don't want to get into the details of the crime, but it was bad enough that it would have put an adult away for 3-5 years. If he keeps his nose clean during home incarceration, we may skate by with probation,community service and restitution paid by us.
To make matters worse my wife is killing me with her nonchalant attitude towards this. The day he came home from detention I used a few select swear words, a few moments later she tells me its unacceptable to swear at kids and tells me that we need family counseling. I tell our son he is not to use the Internet for awhile, and she lets him online while I'm at class. She asks me if she can rent him an XBox game and gets an attitude when I tell her No. She comes back by telling me that I have taken everything else from him. Which is a lie, he is still allowed television, basketball outside,phone etc.
Personally I hope she is still gung ho about going to counseling. I want a third party to see how destructive her attitude is. My feeling is if we don't get on top of our kid's problem now, it will escalate into much bigger problems in several years,and we'll be the ones paying for it (again).
Finally, I hate to say this, but I just don't see our marriage working out. We've had other issues, but her constant babying is pushing me away. I have provided for my stepkids for over 6 years, sometimes I feel like I'm wasting time.
I think counseling is a good idea for your family. From your description of the way things are going you are really trying to do the right thing by this child. I neutral third party may be the best way to win her over to your way of seeing things.
That's the problem with step children when you must provide for them but cannot set rules or discipline them.
Your wife is the problem, she's ignoring the problems, expecting you to pay but have no say. You need to put your foot down, you can try counseling but if she doesn't make a real change immediately, get out while the getting is good.
A kid of 13 years of age committing big crimes and having momma stick up for him will continue to have problems, they will escalate. She's an enabler and making you be one also. Or you're an enabler to an enabler - it's time to break the cycle. Give her an ultimatum and go from there. Without your money to bailout them out, pay restitution, she will be forced to deal with the problems she's creating. Otherwise it's too easy for her, she wants to be the "good" mother who sees no wrong.
Mom might be a big part of the problem but if you are swearing AT the kids then you are a part of the problem too. Sounds like counseling is definitely called for.
Mom might be a big part of the problem but if you are swearing AT the kids then you are a part of the problem too. Sounds like counseling is definitely called for.
I don't think swearing is the issue. Frustration sometimes boils over but you can be sure the kid has heard worse at school. The mother is the problem and, if she doesn't get an attitude soon, the immediate problem will almost certainly be followed by a bigger problem which the kid will not be able to get out of with probation and which will probably screw his future up big time.
One solution may be counseling. Another could be a 3rd party ... maybe an attorney or law enforcement person .... making it quite clear what will happen if things are allowed to get worse. Call it a variation on being scared straight.
Yup, wifey is definitely the problem. Ultimatum time: You will only pay restitution for the little criminal ONCE. Wifey has a choice to make: Counseling (family counseling), rules of discipline that you can BOTH agree on, or you're on your way out. And mean it.
First of all, step parenting is tough, especially when the kids grow up into the teen years. That said my 13 yr old stepson did something that is threatening our marriage.
I don't want to get into the details of the crime, but it was bad enough that it would have put an adult away for 3-5 years. If he keeps his nose clean during home incarceration, we may skate by with probation,community service and restitution paid by us.
To make matters worse my wife is killing me with her nonchalant attitude towards this. The day he came home from detention I used a few select swear words, a few moments later she tells me its unacceptable to swear at kids and tells me that we need family counseling. I tell our son he is not to use the Internet for awhile, and she lets him online while I'm at class. She asks me if she can rent him an XBox game and gets an attitude when I tell her No. She comes back by telling me that I have taken everything else from him. Which is a lie, he is still allowed television, basketball outside,phone etc.
Personally I hope she is still gung ho about going to counseling. I want a third party to see how destructive her attitude is. My feeling is if we don't get on top of our kid's problem now, it will escalate into much bigger problems in several years,and we'll be the ones paying for it (again).
Finally, I hate to say this, but I just don't see our marriage working out. We've had other issues, but her constant babying is pushing me away. I have provided for my stepkids for over 6 years, sometimes I feel like I'm wasting time.
What kind of home incarceration do you have? And how long was he detained?
There are some women who ruin their sons by enabling them. This will not change so you have two choices put up with it or move on.
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