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I am the mom of 14 year old twins. A boy and a girl. My daughter likes to stay in her room and text, listen to music, go on the computer and hang in her room. She comes down and we'll talk for like 10 minutes then back up to her room. I ask her if she wants to watch a movie with us and she says no. I've asked her if she is sad, etc and she says she is fine. She just likes to hang in her room. If I ask her to go shopping, she'll come with me. She sometimes goes to the mall with her friends. She'll sometimes go to a friends house. She does have a trip she is going on during April vacation with the school and she wants to go. She's a good kid. She gets A's and B's on her report card and she already knows, as of right now, she wants to go to Berkley College of Music. She is taking guitar lessons. When she does come down she talks a little and laughs a little. I try to include her in what I do. Like make supper. Make cookies. I ask her if she wants to play a game and she says no.
My question is: Is this kind of typical for a 14 year old girl? I know other kids are outgoing and always out.
In a way, I like her home because I know where she is. We live in a small city and there are trouble areas with gangs and shootings so I like to know where she is. I'm just worried that I'm not doing a good enough job raising her. I don't know what else to do to get her to hang out downstairs.
Its normal for teenagers to want their own space and to want to spend less time hanging out with parents and family. They are growing up and preparing to live their own individual independent lives. The only place they have to call their own is their room, so they retreat there.
If it were me, as long as she is willing to come out and do things with you like go shopping, eat, talk, laugh, etc. I wouldn't worry too much. If it went beyond that, where she was using the room to hide things from you, like unapproved computer activity or other activities that I did not approve of, I would be worried and would probably take measures to intervene (like moving the computer to a place I could keep an eye on it).
You might want to consider if there are other activities that might interest a fourteen year old more. Baking cookies and board games I think might be appealing to a girl a bit younger than your daughter. Maybe ask her if she wants to play guitar hero with you or something like that instead.
I have a 16 yr old daughter...she has done this sort of thing for years now. I ask her all the time why she stays in her room...she tells me time and again that she loves her room and can hide from her brothers in there. So don't worry about her. Now, if you smell smoke (cigarettes, etc) then you should be alarmed. But it sounds like she just likes her privacy.
My neighbor even commented on how she never sees my daughter out and about....and how she is use to most teenage girls having the center of attention. Not mine! She is more comfortable doing her own thing.
Ask her brother how he feels about it. Is she social at school, etc. any issues with the other girls.
Is she on myspace constantly? Mine prefers the company of friends MUCH more than hanging out with us lately. We have to lure him out of the room with food, then find ways to keep is interest before he runs back to hide in his man cave once again. LOL!
He's also VERY touchy about us being too inquisitive or joking about dating. I think he'd like to avoid talking just so we don't bring up anything uncomfortable. We set rules and stick to it to lessen his need to hide. (do NOT tease about kissing, don't even think about it!) hee hee
Let her know you miss her, and ask her to think of something you could do together a few times of week so you don't miss her as much. A family dinner, let her cook something, an ice cream family social, whatever.
They sure are interesting little beings during these years.
My 15-year-old son is the same way. He's a really good kid so I don't have an issue with it. I know he's on his computer (but he's not into social networking yet) and he's playing Xbox Live with the same kids every night so he's interacting with people over the headset.
Normal....I go hang out in my teen's room to spend time with her...she likes me in there, and we talk, and it gives her a chance to talk about what's going on in her life....pay her a visit OP and use the opportunity to bond with her.
Thank you for the replies. It makes me feel better. No, I don't smell smoke from her room. lol The door is always open. I walk in and look and she what's on her computer and she doesn't hide it. I've taken her computer and looked through it to see what she does on it. She does tell me about a boy she was "going out with" (talking at school, that's their going out) so I do have communication open with her.
My son has his friends and goes out a couple times a week. He plays on XBox and computer alot but talks with me and sometimes watches a movie with me. His friends come over our house and hang out. He's an A student and he did smoke pot a couple times I found out and I explained about drugs and etc. Now he doesn't hang out with the boy much anymore. He lives in a different town. Also, I told him I will give him random drug tests. I don't think he has smoked since I found out. That made me nervous but we talked about it and I told him he needs to earn my trust back. I know the kids he hangs out with in my neighborhood and their families and they are good kids.
This parenting stuff is hard. I worry all the time. I guess that's what happens when you are a parent.
She sounds completely normal.
Eventually, she'll probably end up getting a band together (unless she's a classical guitar player) and she'll be busy rocking out in your garage! (Or a friend's garage for band practice)...
Oh, and it's Berkelee College of Music. My husband graduated from there!
They have an AMAZING Summer Program that he went to at age 16. Sealed his love of the college, music and playing!
Go visit her in her room from time to time so that she knows she is not forgotten.
Daytona Mom - She does socialize in school. At open house the teacher says she's a great kid but has to stop talking so much. lol The teachers love her and she even comes to open house with me.
NC~Mom - I do go up to her room and hang out for a few minutes on her bed. And talk a little. I should probably do more of that.
I feel somewhat better now that you guys have responded. thanks so much. Hopefully, I'll be able to help someone here with my replies.
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