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Should I let my 20 year old son go on our family vacation or not? I have a 20 year old son who lives with my ex-husband. He pays no rent, he has unlimited free access to a vehicle, and he has a cell phone that he does not pay for. He was working full-time at a Ford dealership until this past Saturday. His normal working hours are M-F 2:30 - 6:30 p.m. (20 hrs. per week). I found out, by calling the dealership, that he had been fired for showing up 1.50 minutes late. This tells me that he had been late on other occassions. I called him to find out what was going on and I did not let him know right away that I knew about his termination. He volunteeringly let me know that he was at work and had his hands full of grease and could not get to the phone the first time I called him. After him lying to me by telling me he was at work and still had a job...I finally told him that I talked directly to someone at the dealership and they informed me of the situation....he went silent. He had not told my ex-husband that he was fired and didn't plan on telling anyone about it until we returned from vacation. My plans at this point, although it pains me....I am prepared to tell him that I am not going to reward this behavior and he will not be going with us on vacation. I'm very hurt, upset and dissapointed that he could lie to me to me and be so irresponsible. As a parent, feel that if he does go on vacation with us, I will be rewarding the unacceptable behavior. We leave on Saturday, I just found out about his termination yestereday. He has two sibblings 9 and 13 years old who are very excited about the trip. Please let me know your thoughts...quick!
I fail to see how this has anything to do with his going on vacation if you had wanted to take him on vacation before this happened.
Since he's 20 years old, he has no obligation to tell anyone if he was fired. He was probably embarrassed. Worse yet, he probably KNEW that you would treat him badly for it.
I think it's ridiculous that a mother would be upset at a 20 YEAR OLD for lying about something that she shouldn't have put her nose into anyway.
A MOTHER CALLING AN ADULT CHILD'S EMPLOYER? You need to back away and get out of trying to control his life. He's not a child.
Why that would change your wanting to take him on vacation or not blows my mind. You either wanted your adult child to go on vacation with you or you didn't.
You're complaining about his not paying rent. Meanwhile, he doesn't even live with you. Why do you care that he doesn't pay rent if he doesn't live with you?
He doesn't seem to have any expenses. What did he do with his money? Since he's an adult who has had a job and no financial responsibilities, I would tell him that if he wanted to go on the trip, he has to cough up at least 3/4 of his expenses for it.
He's been freeloading and your ex has been keeping him from growing up by allowing it.
I fail to see how this has anything to do with his going on vacation if you had wanted to take him on vacation before this happened.
Since he's 20 years old, he has no obligation to tell anyone if he was fired. He was probably embarrassed. Worse yet, he probably KNEW that you would treat him badly for it.
I think it's ridiculous that a mother would be upset at a 20 YEAR OLD for lying about something that she shouldn't have put her nose into anyway.
A MOTHER CALLING AN ADULT CHILD'S EMPLOYER? You need to back away and get out of trying to control his life. He's not a child.
Why that would change your wanting to take him on vacation or not blows my mind. You either wanted your adult child to go on vacation with you or you didn't.
You're complaining about his not paying rent. Meanwhile, he doesn't even live with you. Why do you care that he doesn't pay rent if he doesn't live with you?
What Hopes said.
WHY ARE YOU CALLING YOUR ADULT SON'S EMPLOYER? Back the heck off and let him handle his own business. It's none of yours!
He doesn't seem to have any expenses. What did he do with his money? Since he's an adult who has had a job and no financial responsibilities, I would tell him that if he wanted to go on the trip, he has to cough up at least 3/4 of his expenses for it.
The OP was WANTING him to go on vacation up until this happened. She didn't say that she was demanding that he pay a portion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses
He's been freeloading and your ex has been keeping him from growing up by allowing it.
Not every family considers it freeloading to allow adult children to live in the house without paying household expenses.
For the record, the OP isn't treating the son like an adult either. Parents shouldn't call the employers of adult children.
Why should he tell her that he was fired? As you said, he's an adult. He has no obligation whatsoever to tell her.
He can learn from getting fired on his own. That's what adults do.
I don't know many people who would tell anyone they got fired---except for telling their spouses.
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You need to back away and get out of trying to control his life. He's not a child. 
