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I think that immaturity may have a lot to do with it. For many people, anger and frustration are not something they deal with well when they are young...at all.
My mom was immature? Or are you talking about me?
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I spent the vast majority of my youth in my bedroom, mostly out of self-preservation. If I was in the same room with them, they had more opportunity to blame me for something.
Is there any way you can gain your freedom and make your own life? The worst part of an upbringing like ours is that we often find adult autonomy a little more difficult...but it can be done.
I can move out but honestly I do not have a stable job. I will be bankrupt in no time and I know they ask me for salary. How does 300 a month sound?
I didn't want to be in my room.
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What I meant was that your parents (or you) may be thinking that their treatment of your sister will make her a better or happier person.
I have seen many cases where that is simply not true.
Without being maudlin or making excuses for poor parenting in any way, there is an opportunity in living through injustice to make one a much better person in the long-run. Your experiences are likely things you would never wish upon your worst enemy...and therefore, you are likely to be highly sensitive to bad behavior in yourself and others and to value things your sister may never give a second glance in life.
Right now, you're in the worst part of it, because you're still in the household, seeing the disparity on a daily basis.
When you're ready, you have a chance to make a life that in no way resembles the mess you endured...and that is a gift, even if it is belated and the mistreatment decidedly undeserved to begin with.
Rayne
Thanks for advice even though I am still in pain and will still wonder.
Even if you can't move out now, you can make a plan. Save as much as you can while looking for additional work. think about alternatives to your own apartment (expensive). It may be 6 months or a year before you can move out but if you at least start planning you can think of that instead of getting angry. Do you have a hobby? Find other ways to fill your time. Do you run or work out? That can be great for dealing with anger. Find a way to focus on other things and continue with your plan.
Even if you can't move out now, you can make a plan. Save as much as you can while looking for additional work. think about alternatives to your own apartment (expensive). It may be 6 months or a year before you can move out but if you at least start planning you can think of that instead of getting angry. Do you have a hobby? Find other ways to fill your time. Do you run or work out? That can be great for dealing with anger. Find a way to focus on other things and continue with your plan.
Agreed. you can at least try to get a better job or an additional job to bring in more money and save up to move out. you are smart to know your limits financially, but you should be planning your escape.
I can move out but honestly I do not have a stable job. I will be bankrupt in no time and I know they ask me for salary. How does 300 a month sound?
You are definitely in a bind right now. All I can suggest is to put your energies into preparing for the day when you can move out. Make a plan and set goals...the risk of becoming codependent is very real (think of battered women who stay with their abusers). It may not happen overnight, but try to protect yourself emotionally as much as you can in the meantime.
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Originally Posted by Theliberalvoice
I didn't want to be in my room.
I didn't particularly wish to be, either, but it had its benefits (turning me into a bookworm and giving me time to listen to lots of angry music lol).
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Originally Posted by Theliberalvoice
Thanks for advice even though I am still in pain and will still wonder.
You're very welcome, and my heart goes out to you.
For what it's worth, I think your mother has a good bit of karmic debt to pay in this life and others to come.
Before I even start, please please PLEASE try to understand. This is difficult for me and I would appreciate some good input.
I am the eldest daughter in the family and come from a traditional family. We are Indian and they are strict as all hell.
Growing up they were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNBELIEVABLY STRICT on me. My friends PARENTS would comment on it saying they could not believe that parents that came to the USA should not be that strict.
I am 21. When I was 17, my curfew was 8:30 pm. I lost out on going out to parties (non drinking-more like friend get togethers) because it would upset them so much. When I wanted to go to prom, I lost my voice TWICE fighting with him to go to this STUPID dance. Even then, he wanted me home at 8 30 even though it started at 8. I argued and wanted to go to the after dinner but he said no. I came home at 10 just to avoid a bigger fight.
Today my sister is 17 and guess what? My dad let her go to Chicago with her friends and now in Feb, she is going to Washington DC for a WEEK. How come at 17, my curfew was ****ing 8:30 pm and I was not allowed to go to peoples houses but yet she can walk around DC for a ****ing week?
Even now, she has MORE FREEDOM than me. She stays out past 11:30pm and my dad does not care or even know. If I dare to get out of the house (now) to even water the plants, he gets upset. I went out just for a walk and he calls me SCREAMING. He starts calling me at like 5 pm DEMANDING to know when I will be home.
And no, before you all ask me-I NEVER did drugs, drank or smoked, got pregnant, brought home police, got in trouble. My behaviour on my report card was always O for Outstanding or S for Satisfactory.
I had a boyfriend which made them mad but they NEED TO GET OVER IT! THIS IS THE USA NOW.
When I bring all this crap up, they tell me to "leave it in the past" and to "be happy for my sister". When I tell them I feel they love her and favor her more, they either stay silent or laugh. If my kid EVER said that to me, I certainly would not LAUGH at them. They then go on to tell me "how holding a grudge" is not a good thing. Who can blame ME? I have to live with the constant reminder that I am NOTHING. NOTHING TO THEM.
My sisters friend called me a "cold hearted, backstabbing, mentally abusing *****" because I am "oh so terrible for demanding my parents explain their sudden compassion". Hah. Does her friend know what mental or physical abuse is? How about when my mother told me repeatably that she asks God why I was born to her? How about when she hit me in the mouth when her shoes? How ABOUT WHEN she took that FRYING PAN AND HIT ME with it? What ABOUT THAT? How about when she tells me "DIE *****"? I am not lying. My mother has done ALL of this to me.
I can understand being more liberal with the second child but how is it to THIS degree?
I look back and am filled with so much regret that I could not live out my childhood/teen years/high school years how I wanted too. Seeing my sister live it through me all the while being UNGRATEFUL is enough to make my blood pressure BLOW.
Excuse me but now I think I am going to cry myself to sleep. I feel so worthless. All these people who were my friends lost touch with my because I could never go to their houses or do anything. They don't bother inviting me to go anywhere because they know it will be a 'no'. Some people who do know me from back then also ask how the hell my sister gets away with all of it.
HELP ME PLEASE PARENTS.
I think that you need to move out of your parents house if that is at all possible. This stress and negativity is not good for you, your parents or your sister.
I don't know why your parents behave the way they do. It is not possible for any of us to analyze this over the internet. However, it does strike me as being destructive to you and your emerging sense of self.
I would let it go with your sister. No good can come of ruining your relationship with your sister. You don't know what is behind your parents' change of heart and dwelling on it may damage your relationship with her. I gather that you love your sister and want a good relationship with her.
i had the same. i got a kid sister and brother, 2 different rearing styles. mine-- camp pendleton treatment
theirs-- permissive parenting disneyland 24/7. it worked great for me go with plan A-- if you have kids,use plan A-- its works.
Are you in college as well as working? Whatever you're doing, now is the time to work your tail off to get where you want to go. If you're not in college, consider getting another job. Open your own bank account and save every penny. If you are in college, make A's and look for scholarships. If your parents beat you for working more, check to see if your local women's shelter can offer you any assistance, or see if you can move in with friends, or rent a room from someone.
And when you do get out, don't go nuts trying to get back what you missed. High school social lifes are basically crappy and you didn't miss much. It was the not being allowed to do it that sucks.
You're 21, smart and strong. Don't waste any energy blaming your sister for this. Just do whatever you can to become independent as quickly as you can.
Are you in college as well as working? Whatever you're doing, now is the time to work your tail off to get where you want to go. If you're not in college, consider getting another job. Open your own bank account and save every penny. If you are in college, make A's and look for scholarships. If your parents beat you for working more, check to see if your local women's shelter can offer you any assistance, or see if you can move in with friends, or rent a room from someone.
I am working and going to college. Yes.
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And when you do get out, don't go nuts trying to get back what you missed. High school social lifes are basically crappy and you didn't miss much. It was the not being allowed to do it that sucks.
No, it does suck. I wanted to do so much. I wanted to look back and remember my high schools years. This is partially why I am so ****ing upset.
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You're 21, smart and strong. Don't waste any energy blaming your sister for this. Just do whatever you can to become independent as quickly as you can.
I know it is not her fault but she is a *****.
She let her friend call me a "backstabbing cold hearted mentally abusive *****".
WTF? I would NEVER let my friends call HER that but I guess she is ok with it.
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How come at 17, my curfew was ****ing 8:30 pm and I was not allowed to go to peoples houses but yet she can walk around DC for a ****ing week? 
