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Invariably in every thread about behavior there is the suggestion of therapy. Literally millions of people get past their fears in their own time. We have all gone through fears in childhood. We have all gotten past them. I would NEVER suggest counseling.
Of course, he can do nothing and see how it plays out, but I think you need to do some short-term therapy. I have always had problems with "scary" movies and everyone poo-poohed them. I used to hide behind the sofa as a small girl when Lassie was in danger. I STILL cannot watch some movies like that. I watched "the birds" as a teen - the ONLY Hitchcock movie I ever saw. To this day, I am petrified when I see a group of birds on an electric line.
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Originally Posted by Buburuza13
dr jones..you did not make your duty properly and now you suffer the consequencies...it is your duty to cheque on your daughter every time!!EVERY!!!do you get it????not from time to time..every movie they look at in this age NEEDS MY APROVAL!!!i am a mother of 13 ...this is the rule and teh rule must be respected!!if i am not there to aprove it,then they have to wait on me..period..they do not take this decisions for themselves..i totally condamne american parents,who do not take care properly,what their kids are allowed to watch or not..for example avatar..they brought at cinema liitle chidlren...unbelievable...in europe we are very stricte about it...some of the little kids awere squarred to death..are you kidding me???expose children to such images in this age??selfish parents,they wanted to watch the movie and did not care,that their chidlren were exposed ...
is not about the money you invested and so on....it is about you neglected your job..now you have to be pacient,give your daughter teh time that she needs to go over it..we see once again confirmed how movies can effect children...what big effects they can have..i do not blame your child for a moment,she has no blame,you have and you better be pacient for your mistake...give her time...maybe bring her back to her room,sleep near on a matress..when she falls asleep,go back to your bedroom...is is your mistake,you need to fix it ...not complain,work on it and learn the right lesson...set boundaries,make rules (no dvd withouht me chequing on it...no compromisse on that!!none)...this is your job...some parenst i would fire..honestly..then wonder,oh my god,i put sooo much money.....oh my god...this is not your worry right now!!!!!!!!!!!!...become a better parent,act properly,make the right rules..you failed in this one...like it or not!!
Wow, must be nice to be perfect. And smothering at the same time. Good thing I was not one of your kids because I would have run from home. Sheesh.
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Originally Posted by bellalunatic
Yes, that poster is always good for helping you feel like your being judged over and over and over again....must be nice to be so perfect, never make mistakes and never have anyone rub it in your face online, huh?
OK, so lesson learned, no TV's in bedroom, (except for the parents room)
Seriously, rockinmamma has got a great point, does the 5 year old want the big room? (without the TV of course)
Getting bunk beds only helps to validate your 12 year old's over reactive response to a fictional film, I think.
I am old, obviously old-fashioned because I do not understand TVs in the bedroom. But aside from that, why can you not turn that room into your office and let her have the office again. This time, deal with some inconvenience during parties and put the coats in the office (basement).
She was fine downstairs for about 2 months. It was like an escape from her younger siblings. She would go down there after school and on weekends and read....or do homework...or watch TV. She didn't care at all to be separated from the rest of us and it seemed like she enjoyed it (I certainly would have when I was her age). I was happy for her to have a bit more independence. She is a good kid and deserves it.
So she needs to be told that she has a room and is expected to sleep in it.
The sleeping with her sister has become a habit instead of a necessity due to fright. Since she has slept in her own room for a period of time, there is no reason not to sleep there now.
Maybe it's a matter of her going to bed in her own room, and when you find her in her sister's room, wake her and send her back to her own. Continue to send her back to her room as soon as you find her in her sister's room. Pretty soon she will get tired, give up and stay in her own bed.
The common thread (no pun intended) throughout the postings is everyone has experienced frights and everyone has worked through them. Being afraid hasn't killed anybody. We're all here to talk about it.
Maybe leave a light on in the common area in the basement and make it as least threatening as possible and expect her to sleep in her own bed. Facing her fear will show her she's made of more than she thought.
If you're talking film lame, well, I'll bet it is,(i've never seen it) but if you watch it, then maybe you can talk to her about the lame parts of it, that might help. That's all I'm saying.
No you're not lame.
But from reading that it sounds lame and completely unbelievable.
I just don't know how anyone could really believe that. I guess I'm just too logical.
I'll tell you what would scare me if I were her: Reality!
Theoretically some pyschopath could come busting into her bedroom through her window (we would hear it because her room is directly below ours and our neighbors would probably hear/see it too because it's very visable to them...but anyway)....it's probably one of the most accessible windows in the house.
Your daughter is me at that age. And honestly, even NOW I can freak myself out and it spirals into this anxiety thing. If it hasn't passed yet, it probably won't for a while. Every night she spends out of her room is solidifying the cycle, if that makes sense. I should have had therapy when I was a child, I had severe anxiety and phobias, and I'm nearly 40 and can barely function when my husband is out of town. A few therapy sessions might help her, honestly. Find someone who deals with anxiety and fears. I'm not talking lifelong therapy, but just to help her with this. I feel so bad for you and her, since I know exactly how she feels. Be proactive and don't let this cycle out of control, because for me, it was almost like there was a point of no return and now I'm a very anxious (but very functional) adult. I wish my parents would have given me the help I needed.
So she needs to be told that she has a room and is expected to sleep in it.
The sleeping with her sister has become a habit instead of a necessity due to fright. Since she has slept in her own room for a period of time, there is no reason not to sleep there now.
Maybe it's a matter of her going to bed in her own room, and when you find her in her sister's room, wake her and send her back to her own. Continue to send her back to her room as soon as you find her in her sister's room. Pretty soon she will get tired, give up and stay in her own bed.
The common thread (no pun intended) throughout the postings is everyone has experienced frights and everyone has worked through them. Being afraid hasn't killed anybody. We're all here to talk about it.
Maybe leave a light on in the common area in the basement and make it as least threatening as possible and expect her to sleep in her own bed. Facing her fear will show her she's made of more than she thought.
I wouldn't do that. And being afraid creates major anxiety. Whenever my kids need security in the night, I vowed never to let them be afraid like my parents did to me. It's not the solution for every situation, and having had that exact experience, I know what that feels like. Not only is it not fun, but you think you are going to literally die. It's a scary feeling.
What are we supposed to do with her now? Should we get bunk beds in the 5 yr old's room and rent out her room in the basement? <sigh> I'm just mentally spent on this issue.
Talk to a shrink, you don't have to be a psycho to go to one, they might be able to help with a thing like this, maybie help your daughter get a different mindset towards horrormovies or the movie in particular... Or maybie the shrink will say tat "hey you don't need to worr anymore this is going to pass and she will learn from the fear". just go see an expert...it can't hurt can it?
I saw a marathon of the jaws movies on TV when I was about 4-5 years old when mom was sleeping...(at that age the movies seem very real)
I still can't swim in dark waters without feeling a bit awkward... and I'm 20.
I wouldn't do that. And being afraid creates major anxiety. Whenever my kids need security in the night, I vowed never to let them be afraid like my parents did to me. It's not the solution for every situation, and having had that exact experience, I know what that feels like. Not only is it not fun, but you think you are going to literally die. It's a scary feeling.
So you don't believe in facing your fears and realizing they were for naught? You don't believe that finding the courage to do something you're afraid of doing is beneficial?
I've always taught mine to look at what will really hurt them and what can't in their fears.
So you don't believe in facing your fears and realizing they were for naught? You don't believe that finding the courage to do something you're afraid of doing is beneficial?
I've always taught mine to look at what will really hurt them and what can't in their fears.
It depends... for example, I've always been afraid of bugs, but after a lot of exposure to them, learning about them etc., I can tolerate them. Being afraid like the OP said his daughter is experiencing is different. I think forcing her to sleep down in the basement when she is terrified will only make her more terrified. I'm basing this on personal experience. Then it becomes a cycle, and the more you have to do it, the more it freaks you out. Then it becomes this totally irrational thing. I don't think everything is so black and white.
I went through this when I was 7. I watched who framed Roger Rabbit (a kids film) the red eyes of Christopher Lloyd scared the living daylights out of me! Even now I don't like freaky coloured eye lens but they don't scare me l just find them freaky.
I was also trapped in my neighbours house when I was 8. They were a few years older than me and they locked me in a room and forced me to watch nightmare on elm street (held my head at the TV the b*tches - i got them back years later but that's a whole other story ). I was so freaked out I refused to sleep in my room and would sleep in my parents bed and when they came up to bed my dad would carry me back down to mine. Each time I woke up in my bed in the morning it got a bit easier to sleep there at night.
I wouldn't suggest counselling until you have tried all the other suggestions. IMO it makes it more of an issue - like there is a reason to be scared.
She will get over it. I did and now horror movies are my favourite genre. Being scared when your can be rational is actually fun but being scared where it effects your life so it's not the same as it was previously, is awful. I think you should put yourself in your daughter position and be as gentle with this situation as possible. She's had a mini trauma forcing her back to the basement on her own is not going to do anyone any favours.
My cousins watched horror movies from an early age. There were 6 of them so they were never alone and they were never scared because they were subjected to it before they even knew what it was. I don't recommend this but they grew immune to it because of that.
If I were you and after having been in your daughters position I think you should:
let her sleep where she wants and then when she falls asleep carry her to her own room.
Get her a night light, remove the TV and leave the bedroom door open so she can leave if she feels scared.
The whole family should spend time with her in her room (when she's cured then she will ask for privacy).
She should have friends over to stay (but now you know check the movies they watch - you weren't to know before but now you do, you'll know the best action to take)
And I agree that if you can find a way to explain/ show that this movie is fake and that the people are actors this helps to diminish the fear.
Good luck - This will pass trust me.
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). I was so freaked out I refused to sleep in my room and would sleep in my parents bed and when they came up to bed my dad would carry me back down to mine. Each time I woke up in my bed in the morning it got a bit easier to sleep there at night. 
