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Assuming that you don't have children and that your boyfriend can support you until you find a job, I suppose I would do it. However, if you and your boyfriend are committed to each other to the point that you'll leave to move far away, my question is why you and he don't get married. If marriage is not in the cards right now, as a former poster said, I would be sure that you save some of your own money so that if things don't work out, you can move out; whether you stay in Wisconsin or not.
I respect that you're not afraid to move. Your parents have done a good job of raising someone who is independent and not afraid of change.
So go with your gut, but please look out for yourself too.
I have told him that I do need a bigger commitment from him in order to move. We have been talking about getting married for a long time. He said he understood and that he would do that. We live together here so we would get an apartment there and eventually buy a house. In this whole thing, part of me is worried about my job. I have a teaching job here, the job market there is not very good at the moment. I am also concerned about my parents. I know they don't like this idea and they think he is being selfish in asking me to move when I have an established career. I am also concerned about myself. I have never lived away from my family. Part of me thinks that is really scary, and part of me thinks this would be a good opportunity for me to get out on my own and start fresh. This whole opportunity came up really fast and I am feeling thrown into the middle and a bit overwhelmed. I get scared that this would end our relationship. My boyfriend says if I don't want to go he's not going to force me and we will stay here. I know he hates it here and only stays for me. I don't want to hold him back in his career. When I think of moving I get nervous and excited, when I think of staying I get a little sad thinking that I will have never tried anything new. When I think of this possibly ending our relationship, I get this sinking, sick feeling. I am so so torn about this whole thing.
I have told him that I do need a bigger commitment from him in order to move. We have been talking about getting married for a long time. He said he understood and that he would do that. We live together here so we would get an apartment there and eventually buy a house. In this whole thing, part of me is worried about my job. I have a teaching job here, the job market there is not very good at the moment. I am also concerned about my parents. I know they don't like this idea and they think he is being selfish in asking me to move when I have an established career. I am also concerned about myself. I have never lived away from my family. Part of me thinks that is really scary, and part of me thinks this would be a good opportunity for me to get out on my own and start fresh. This whole opportunity came up really fast and I am feeling thrown into the middle and a bit overwhelmed. I get scared that this would end our relationship. My boyfriend says if I don't want to go he's not going to force me and we will stay here. I know he hates it here and only stays for me. I don't want to hold him back in his career. When I think of moving I get nervous and excited, when I think of staying I get a little sad thinking that I will have never tried anything new. When I think of this possibly ending our relationship, I get this sinking, sick feeling. I am so so torn about this whole thing.
After reading all of this I think maybe you should reconsider moving I mean you have a good job and you sound comfortable where you are I would stick it out and stay put if he wants to go let him go and if it does not work out then that should tell you it would not have worked either way , I wish you luck whatever you decide to do .
One of the problems I have with staying is that I want to try something new. I have never lived anywhere but around the area I grew up. Moving to Wisconsin would be a huge leap on my part. Also, I feel my life is too intertwined with my parents. My boyfriend and I live 2 minutes away from them. I work at the same school as my dad, in the same department. I coach the JV teams of which he coaches the varsity. I also work at the same athletic club as both of my parents. I can't help but feel like this would be a good way to find myself, but this coming up so suddenly has thrown me for a loop and I feel unprepared. If that makes any sense.
Moving away from friends and family is the quickest way to see what you're made of. My husband was in the Air Force and we moved a lot. I didn't know I was as strong as I was or as independent and have found that I am much more able to make friends now than I was when I lived near people I'd known my whole life. Those traits are now a part of who I am and that would have never happened if I would have stayed near family.
Also, I agree with another poster about moving with your boyfriend. It will either strengthen or destroy your relationship. Better to know now, right?
Moving is incredibly stressful and you'll both be trying to find your way. You'll make new friends and get to know the city as a couple...not just as the kids of your parents or as friends of the kids you knew in high school.
Like another poster, I'd advise you to set some money aside and give it to your parents to hold in case you need it. You need to have the ability to get out of there if you need to and it's very easy to get stuck in a bad situation if you don't have the means to leave. Knowing you have an "emergency fund" will let you sleep at night and give you the courage to leave if your boyfriend isn't who you thought he was or if things aren't going well. Tell your parents beforehand that there are stipulations to them giving you back the money...you need to be 100% sure that this is the right decision. It will be tempting to want to go home not long after you've moved...it takes a while to find a "niche" and you may not like it right away. That's not a reason to give up or to call your parents for the money to move.
There is a huge country out there and while plenty of people live and thrive in the same hometown they grew up in, I am pleased to look back on my life and know that I have lived all over the country and was able to move to a new location when a job opportunity came up without freaking out about whether or not we should move from friends and family.
One of the problems I have with staying is that I want to try something new. I have never lived anywhere but around the area I grew up. Moving to Wisconsin would be a huge leap on my part. Also, I feel my life is too intertwined with my parents. My boyfriend and I live 2 minutes away from them. I work at the same school as my dad, in the same department. I coach the JV teams of which he coaches the varsity. I also work at the same athletic club as both of my parents. I can't help but feel like this would be a good way to find myself, but this coming up so suddenly has thrown me for a loop and I feel unprepared. If that makes any sense.
I think I have the same problem as you with a slightly different scenario. I say go for it! (I should listen to my own words too). I'm giving myself another year (it'll be 10 years with my current employer then), save money in the mean time and give it a try for something new. I've lived in SoCal all my life and I feel as though it's time for a change too. My mother often guilts me as well. She hates to be left alone. But it's my life and we got to do what is best for ourselves and what will make us happy.
Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My mom doesn't necessarily guilt me, but she voices her opinion very strongly and I know she'll be disappointed if I don't do what she thinks is best.
I say go for it because your young with no kids. The only thing and is what will happen in the future? If you have kids together would you be able to raise them away from your family? And if you stayed in CA would he resent you since he hates it here? If he hates it here he will never be truly happy here. And if you move there and don't like it same thing.
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Such a big decision
