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IMO, that's a bit different. Staying with them doesn't really cost them much extra - whether you're there or not, the mortgage is still the same.
I know some people feel differently...I do feel that it was a big help because I didn't have many expenses that way. They did contribute to my tuition as well which I'm very grateful for!
For me and siblings it was college, down payment help, big weddings for the ones that got married, 2 big weddings for 1 of them. No rent when living at home. Generous gifts throughout our lives.
I could have gotten a full tuition/room and board scholarship to the best school in our state, but I got in to my dream school, and in the end my parents supported me. I went to this school with need scholarship, a small amount of loans, I worked through college and every summer, and my parents paid the rest. But I paid for graduate/professional schools myself by working like crazy and getting scholarships.
My parents also taught us about ROTH IRAs by giving us small amounts to put towards these in our 20's. Otherwise, I would have had no idea. I had no money in my 20s as a grad student/professional student. But I had a fabulous, interesting life during those years. Best years of my life.
I also knew many peers when I was in my 20s that were given generous amounts of $$ from their parents to buy condos. I was envious. My parents would not have done that.
Interestingly, my parents were given $$ for the downpayment to buy their house from an elderly relative. I only learned this recently, and was quite surprised. As my parents got older (and my mother has passed away) they started wanting to help us more with small amounts of money yearly.
My older brother has never asked my parents for anything. He went to college on full scholarship and was a Resident Assistant and actually made and saved so much $$ during college and even graduate school that he started investing in the stock market very young. He is very wealthy, and lives in a highly desirable area very simply and frugally. He would never ask my parents for anything.
My little brother was a bit more eclectic in his path, and did reach out to my parents more for help paying for graduate school, car etc... They worried a lot about him and felt they needed to "help" him more. I was a little resentful, but I never showed it. My little brother is a wonderful person and has done well too.
I am in my 40's and have never owned a house. So the OP is incorrect that he is "behind".
We paid for daughter's college and were happy to do so. I started saving for it the year she was born -- by the time she found out she was accepted at her dream university......the only job left was to write the checks. She actually graduated a semester early and saved us about $12 grand.
Since she was out looking for a job in January, rather than June, she found a good job in her field. That company put her thru a Masters Program. so she's got an MBA with zero debt. Some other website I frequent posted a link to College Debt stories and the tales these kids are posting would break you heart -- why in this country can't we manage the college costs ??
Now that she's settled in, she's buying a Condo in Florida. We gifted her enough Down Payment to avoid PMI. The rest of the mortgage is on her, but she's proven to our satisfaction that she's capable of handling this.
I was unable to have children with my late husband so there were no children to help out financially. But I can comment on the assistance by late parents extended to both me and my sister. My parents grew up in dire poverty during the Great Depression, and for that reason worked very hard to find a way out which they did and do what ever they could to not have my sister and myself face similar hardships. My sister and I both commuted to state colleges, and for that reason our parents purchased us fairly new cars to make our travel safer to school especially during our snowy winters. Since our parents had to forfeit higher education to work to help support their families, my sister and I getting a higher educations that would lead to a good professions was paramount to our them so all our college bills were paid for. Spending money and any extras we wanted came from mostly our summer jobs.
My father especially was a great believer in helping us out financially when he was alive and at a time when we needed the help instead of us waiting for an inheritance. For that reason he helped significantly both my sister and I when she bought her home and I built my home several years later. Sadly my sister and I became young widows within 3 years of each other, I at age 44 and she at age 53. Following the deaths of our husbands my parents paid in full both our annual property tax bills until they passed away of few years of each other.
Yes indeed my parents were very generous to us financially, but they also believed in hard work and had my sister who was a teacher and myself a nurse as well as our husbands not been hard workers their financial assistance would have been minimal or even non existent.
My mother has been gone 10 years, and my dad 6, and although they certainly enhanced my financial well being over the years in the low six figure ball park, that pales in comparison to the unconditional love and emotional support they extended to me till the day they died and that to me is more precious than gold.
A beautiful story! It sounds as though you had wonderful parents. Frequently, the people from the most modest of means, are the most generous. This is one of those instances.
I am one of 6 kids. My parents' gifts to us were the following:
- 4 years of in-state college costs (tuition, room&board, etc),
- Either an existing vehicle they owned would be handed down to each of us or $10k toward the purchase of one upon graduating from college
- $15k wedding gift for the boys in the family, $30k for the girls ("Because that's how it is") to spend on the wedding itself or pocket.
- $30k zero % interest "loan" that would be forgiven at the age of 30. This is different for each kid thus far: The first born used it as a down payment on a condo and renovations that my dad helped do over the course of 2 years; the second born inherited a bunch of debt from his significant other when they got married; the third born is working on his PhD, so effectively this money went toward his Masters and PhD costs. I have borrowed a little bit against the $30k but a majority of it will be a "gift" at the age of 30
- For each grandchild, a college fund is setup in their name that receives $1000/year for 18 years
And of course, the fact that they brought 6 kids into this world, raised and instilled morals and values into us that we each use every day is worth far more than any of those $ gifts.
We have 4 kids. They all got used cars when they started driving.....two got old cars from us....two we bought elsewhere. This was as much for our convenience in not having to drive them around as theirs. They all worked part time and paid their own insurance/gas.
We had saved money for all or most of their college, but 3 of the 4 got a total free ride so we only had to pay for one. The fourth one we paid most of his college, but he worked part time and contributed as well.
One got a substantial downpayment on a house. One got a smaller downpayment. One didn't ask or need a downpayment but he got a substantial housewarming present in the form of an upgrade they couldn't afford. The fourth is not ready to buy yet, so remains to be seen, but he's a good saver and rarely asks for anything.
We didn't pay for weddings but gave them large gifts to pay for their honeymoon.
They get generous birthday and xmas cash presents.
One lived with us rent free for a few years after college. It really didn't cost us anything other than more food and in the end probably nothing because he did a ton of stuff for us when we were selling our house/moving that we probably would have hired out.
The money we saved by not paying for 3 kids college was invested more aggressively once we knew we didn't need it for that. It grew substantially. No reason not to share it with them. They are all hard workers and are now extremely successful.......even the one who lags slightly behind.
We would rather see them enjoy now what they will likely eventually inherit anyway.
I am likely to be buying my first home within a year and was reviewing the gift guidelines for FHA mortgages this afternoon. These were fairly generous guidelines about gift contributions for downpayments. As I'm now almost 30, I'm behind many of my peers in purchasing a home, but many folks around my age I know were quite open about their parents helping them in a significant way. My family doesn't have the financial capacity to help, so I can't rely on that. This doesn't necessarily mean on the downpayment of a mortgage, but also paying college tuition, paying off debt, or really any bailout.
Did you help your children any major way financially? What exactly did you do and how much did you contribute?
Paid for college, and a used car for each. Probably a bit of money for weddings when the time comes...
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I was a few months from age 30 when I closed on my first house, and it was a pretty modest affair. I paid off all of my other debts and saved up a 20% down payment before I bought that house. I didn't worry about what other people were doing.
About how much did all that total, discounting a considerably depreciated car?
What difference does it make how much? You already said your family is not in a position to help you.
My parents paid for my college (it was a lot cheaper then). I paid for my son's college (still was a lot cheaper than now). Other than a few hundred here or there over the years, I did not give my son any financial help. He did get $15k from his grandmother when she passed away.
Just be careful to not put yourself into too much debt when you buy your house. Mortgage companies will tell you that you qualify for a lot larger loan than is usually wise.
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