Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, it's good to have a giving spirit at Christmas -->
Christmas and birthdays were torture for my dad. He felt obligated to acknowledge those events but resented giving even simple little tokens to anyone. He'd agonize over how to treat his kids precisely equally and he'd ask what he should buy for this or that person. He would also offer loans (usually to the one who never asked for them), but we'd all learned early not to take him up on the offers. If we gave in to pressure and took him up on an offer it was mostly to make him feel better. Except that didn't work. He'd launch into a long explanation about what he perceived as a financial pinch on this or that account resulting from loaning or buying whatever it was. Down to the percentage of interest lost. Everyone would end up feeling badly over trivia. Still, something good did come out of all that eventually at least for myself. I suspect and hope that I have a healthier relationship with money because of his example.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-16-2023 at 01:43 PM..
As someone else already mentioned you keep asking the same question for literally years and then give an excuse why you can’t do anything. But new people find your thread and have no idea that you have been given a ton of advice that you refuse to act on so they waste their time giving suggestions.
My crystal ball says you will do nothing until your house literally falls down or you are forced by health, etc somehow to make a decision. You have been extremely frugal for so long that you can’t spend your money even on things you want.
Since you’re in your late 60’s time is ticking away while you continue to ask the same questions repeatedly. I would get therapy to see why you remain stuck in inertia.
This is what's happening to my wife's grandmother. As she gets older, she seems to have a harder time making decisions, even for what I would consider as no brainer choices. She's had some maintenance items my wife's Mom/Dad have done for her in visits, but they can't do it all so I think at some point the house will deteriorate that they'll need to force her into a nursing home.
I think it's challenging for those who have worked so hard to build a war chest to turn around and do into it for spending. Flipping that switch is more psychological than arithmetic.
I never understood the hate for RMs. If you're where you plan to stay for the rest of your life and have no one to leave your house/money to, why shouldn't you get back the equity in it and enjoy spending it while you live?
It's not hate, but rather about making the best choice. There are lots of "pros and cons" articles available with a web search, so there's no need to enumerate them all here.
Again, I can only speak for myself. First, I don't want to pay the costs associated with getting a reverse mortgage. And second, looking at life realistically I don't expect to be maintaining a house past a certain age.
If we want to spend more (than customary rules of thumb suggest) we can take higher withdrawals, to a point, from our retirement accounts. Knowing that the home equity is available makes this a reasonable proposition. Getting a reverse mortgage to fix the "spend more" problem is, in my estimation, the more expensive solution.
In summary, reasonable people can come to different decisions here. For me it seems a high price to pay for any problem it solves. Note that I haven't mentioned leaving money to anyone in this discussion.
-----
Also one additional observation:
Hopefully you realize you won't be able to extract all of your equity with a reverse mortgage. Out of curiosity I tried the calculator at the Lending Tree website, which shows a 65-year-old being able to get a loan for a little bit less than half of their home's value.
I'm actually in my early -- not late -- 60s. Perhaps you're confusing me with one of the MANY other people who ask "what should I do in retirement" and/or "where should I move" on City-Data? Because there are many of us. But only some of us are excoriated for it.
I'm actually in my early -- not late -- 60s. Perhaps you're confusing me with one of the MANY other people who ask "what should I do in retirement" and/or "where should I move" on City-Data? Because there are many of us. But only some of us are excoriated for it.
People aren't being excoriated for asking. It's their response to the well-intentioned advice they get that exposes them to...shall we say feedback?
I'm actually in my early -- not late -- 60s. Perhaps you're confusing me with one of the MANY other people who ask "what should I do in retirement" and/or "where should I move" on City-Data? Because there are many of us. But only some of us are excoriated for it.
You have been on this forever. House is a fixer upper, nothing going on in town, you were retired, ... . Somewhere along the line you will need to make decisions. Endless options have been given in CD but at the end moving is not free and a trashed trailer is not either.
One suggestion I have not seen yet - get a date in a coastal town.
Other suggestion not yet seen - get a job.
There are the extremes of mobility and stability. The compromise is to have a home base, but able to cheaply travel to other destinations, where one desires to experience.
But if the "it" hits the fan (war, pandemic, natural disaster, alien landing, mutant zombie biker gangs), you might want something that fulfills your needs when "everything" is cut off, including resupply.
. . .
In general, an autonomous, superinsulated, frugal, resilient and disaster resistant domicile, with on-site food production, and support for other vocations might be preferable.
Ex: A nice SCIP structure, independent power, on-site water, dry composting toilet, surrounded by permaculture, aquaculture, hydroponics, small livestock, and a manageable garden would be ideal for maintaining one's standard of living when cut off.
. . .
Of course, if conditions warrant abandonment of one's base, that's a whole 'nuther topic. The Guide to being a Refugee is a book few wish to consider reading or experiencing.
It's not hate, but rather about making the best choice. There are lots of "pros and cons" articles available with a web search, so there's no need to enumerate them all here.
Again, I can only speak for myself. First, I don't want to pay the costs associated with getting a reverse mortgage. And second, looking at life realistically I don't expect to be maintaining a house past a certain age.
If we want to spend more (than customary rules of thumb suggest) we can take higher withdrawals, to a point, from our retirement accounts. Knowing that the home equity is available makes this a reasonable proposition. Getting a reverse mortgage to fix the "spend more" problem is, in my estimation, the more expensive solution.
In summary, reasonable people can come to different decisions here. For me it seems a high price to pay for any problem it solves. Note that I haven't mentioned leaving money to anyone in this discussion.
-----
Also one additional observation:
Hopefully you realize you won't be able to extract all of your equity with a reverse mortgage. Out of curiosity I tried the calculator at the Lending Tree website, which shows a 65-year-old being able to get a loan for a little bit less than half of their home's value.
C) Keep that money in savings/investments earning at least 5% interest and just take a lot of vacations until ready to relocate full-time? However, hotel costs/rent add up, and I'd have nothing to show for it afterwards.
I disagree with "nothing to show for it" aspect. Before making such a large investment, you would get an idea if the move is a good fit. Find a way to compromise and look to rent within an hour of your desired location as being beach front would be pricey. Research different rental options/prices and go and stay for an extended period of time, especially during the periods where the living at the beach is not the most ideal. Get a PT job there to help supplement your income.
I disagree with "nothing to show for it" aspect. Before making such a large investment, you would get an idea if the move is a good fit. Find a way to compromise and look to rent within an hour of your desired location as being beach front would be pricey. Research different rental options/prices and go and stay for an extended period of time, especially during the periods where the living at the beach is not the most ideal. Get a PT job there to help supplement your income.
Re: the bolded... I skipped right over that in the OP. What in the world does one expect to "have to show for it" from travel? It's about the experience, not having something concrete to show for it. Most people, as they age, stop trying to accumulate stuff, and start realizing that they only have so much time left and want to experience things that they enjoy, or want to see things they haven't seen, thus the desire for travel in retirement.
I've never been one to travel to the same place year after year, so I've never wanted to own a second home and go there repeatedly year after year. Maybe I'm unique in that way, but so is my DH, so I guess we're well-matched. It strikes me that it would get boring to do the same things over and over, summer after summer. Things that are available to me all the time lose their appeal when compared to rare or brand-new experiences. For that reason, I'll spend on travel and skip the whole snowbird thing, or snowbird to a new vacation rental in a new place each time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
People aren't being excoriated for asking. It's their response to the well-intentioned advice they get that exposes them to...shall we say feedback?
