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Yes, thank you! She's the OP's wife - not his child!
Maybe she's acting like a child when it comes to handling money....and we husbands can act the same way too..so maybe it's best to learn now how not to dig to deep of a credit hole....
Maybe she's acting like a child when it comes to handling money....and we husbands can act the same way too..so maybe it's best to learn now how not to dig to deep of a credit hole....
Exactly. Better now than later. We are complete equals in our relationship and are very happy together, but that does not mean that I do not have the freedom to recognize that she is immature with finances. Heck, even she admits that she is immature with finaces. So I am letting her find her way (which I believe is all she wants in the first place), as long as I'm never out more than 2k if I have to bail her out down the road when "real life" catches up with her spending habits.
I have my flaws too and she equals me out in those. But, the thing is, my flaws don't risk us financial hardship in the future.
I understand your position on this, DH & I are in a similar position. DH was always more careful about his credit, and he handled his money very well before we met. I had a few years of, let's say "waywardness". I have since come to regret my spending ways and have cut back severely but I have ruined my credit score in the process. DH started counseling me on my debt a few years back (we're both 28 now), and we're recovering financially now. I am grateful for the support he provided, and for all the tough decisions we had to take together, it brought us much closer than anything else ever has.
The only advice I can give is that you should get your wife to handle credit better (I'm still learning!). That is a good long term solution. Having you monitor her credit situation all the time is probably going to place some stress on your relationship at some point.
Heck, even she admits that she is immature with finaces.
Sounds to me like an excuse to do whatever she wants. A red flag to me.
It does sound to me that when you talk about money she probably hears nagging. So for her to listen to you, you are going to have to be creative. Good luck.
Is your wife young and doesn't really understand how credit cards work? Or is she just the type of person who has to have what she wants when she wants it?
If she doesn't understand how cc work then when the statement arrives set up a time to go over it with her. Don't just glance over it. Have her collect all the receipts and check off each one. This is important because when she actually looks at the receipts it will remind her of the purchase. She may not even remember how much she paid for that shirt she had to have. It may be in the closet long forgotten. After that add them all up and compare the number to her paycheck. Then look at how much money your interest and fees in the statement is. Say things like oh $50 we could've eaten at a nice restaurant with that. Maybe she will have a light bulb moment after that. If she is not good at math get actual cash to show her.
Good luck
I have found out that when you are dealing with a spendthrift who essentially has the mentality of a child, it doesnt matter how many different ways you try to spin it, they will continue to spend until you take everything away from them. My ex-wife would spend over $400 a month in fast food, and just blindly nodded her head when I "sat her down" and pointed out how the lights were going to end up being cut off if she didnt stop, and she proceeded to do it again the next month, and every month it was the same thing. Eventually I took all of her credit cards, the ATM card, and the check book from her. Never in my life did I think I would need to baby sit a grown woman.
Yeah, to what randomdude said. Some people are simply incapable of being rational about money. All the teaching and preaching won't help. Best you can do is (a) have a pre-nup if not yet married that stipulates legally separate finances during the marriage, or (b) accept that you will have to be the Bad Guy if you intend to keep your OWN finances in order. (Separate checking accounts and credit cards mean pretty much squat if you get divorced. It's all one big pile of debt to be divvied up, regardless of who actually ran up the debt.)
I have found out that when you are dealing with a spendthrift who essentially has the mentality of a child, it doesnt matter how many different ways you try to spin it, they will continue to spend until you take everything away from them. My ex-wife would spend over $400 a month in fast food, and just blindly nodded her head when I "sat her down" and pointed out how the lights were going to end up being cut off if she didnt stop, and she proceeded to do it again the next month, and every month it was the same thing. Eventually I took all of her credit cards, the ATM card, and the check book from her. Never in my life did I think I would need to baby sit a grown woman.
That is why I asked him what type of person his wife was.
You mentioned your wife in another thread. I guess this was one of the signs you ignored. A person who refuses to listen to a spouse just because the subject is money doesn't really care for his/her spouse.
There are 2 parts to handling money one is deciding how the money is spent and another is keeping track of the actual purchases (receipts). The first part should be a joint decision including how much in discretionary funds. The second part can be handled by one spouse. The problem arises when the spouse that does the second part thinks they control the money altogether. The person that feels controlled becomes passive aggressive.
That is why I asked him what type of person his wife was.
You mentioned your wife in another thread. I guess this was one of the signs you ignored. A person who refuses to listen to a spouse just because the subject is money doesn't really care for his/her spouse.
I wouldnt say I ignored it, quite the opposite, I ended up taking every financial thing away from her. She eventually opened another account in her sisters name, and transfered money to it, out of the joint account she couldnt get to. Her intention was to make sure she took as much as she could and "give" it to her sister so it was no longer attached to her.
Additionally, I dont think its a case of "not listening", I think its a case of not caring. I have no doubt she comprehended what I was telling her when I asked her 600 different ways to stop. The fact is, she wanted fast food 2 or 3 times a day, and she was going to buy it. Thats it. The only person they are going to get along with it is one who condones it.
Ive found with people like this, not even bankruptcy will change their ways. My ex wifes mother, stepfather, and grandmother, all have went bankrupt multiple times, and they live a materialistic existance, and have not changed, and never will.
Your credit score will be better if you keep your balances at 33% of each card. Example: $2000 limit - no more than $660.00 rather than say $1400 on 1 card and zero balance on the other.
There is nothing wrong with a husband "teaching" his wife something or vice versa. I've taught bf a bit about finances since we've been together. Also, when you're married, it's important that you be in agreement about money since you are indeed sharing expenses.
To answer the OP, myfico used to have a calculator that shows what maxing out even one credit card will do. I believe that even if you have a lot of credit available but max out one card, it will have a negative effect on your wife's credit.
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