Dating in Philly vs New York (Philadelphia, Harrisburg: living, cost of living, moving)

[solibs]

Originally Posted by Baileykm

I moved from San Diego 6 months ago. People around here are insular. I lived in Philly from 0-18 years of age to move to SoCal. The cute girls are stuck up and the guys still wear their letter jackets from 4 years ago in this city. This town is awful for dating and making new friends. But you can go to Manayunk for cover charges and expensive beer for the one night stands. The only spots I have found that people open up and talk are small **** hole bars. The older guys have no problem talking to you but I am 24, I would like to have more friends then a bar full of 60 year olds.

Wow, someone has a chip on their shoulder. Is it surprising to you that you're having trouble meeting people?

Having lived here for 10 years i can honestly say that i've never seen a varsity jacket in a bar. Where are you hanging out? Roxborough? Plymouth Meeting?

Or maybe your time in SoCal shows and people around here find you flakey and insincere? Just a thought.

[john_starks]

Where are you hanging out? Roxborough? Plymouth Meeting?

^^ i bet its Fishtown

[Shino306]

I find Philadelphia insular as well and this IS among college educated people, which someone drew a distinction at. The younger people (22-28 yrs old) at my work, who did go to college, mostly hang out with their college (Penn State/Temple) or High School friends and it is difficult to break into those groups.

I wouldn't recommend Manayunk or Roxborough for a professional woman trying to meet someone. The majority of people who frequent the places there are college-aged or trying to re-live their college days.

[girlygirl77]

Some of my concerns (which I heard from a few friends who moved there) are being echoed. There is diversity in NY but people branch out and make new friends all the time because so many people are not local. My concern is not just dating but also socially. I think it is hard when people are only from Philly to answer vs those who moved there. hmm. . .I think the cities which may have the openness of NY (as far as taking in newcomers easily bc there are so many) are likely DC, SF, and LA. Is that right? I'm considering being open to moving out of NY but I haven't become very comfortable with uprooting myself because of my fears on social environments. . .and insularity.

As I mentioned, I have lived abroad (in Europe in a very international city so it was also great socially) and have a varied and often international circle of friends. . .I want to like Philly. I find I am able to adapt easily to new places because I am pretty open. I welcome more opinions as there is a position in my field that is interesting in Philly and so this is why I am asking.

[solibs]

I dunno. I lived in NY, having moved there from Columbia, SC I didn't know anyone. I had a few friends who lived an hour away in NJ but it wasn't practical for hanging out on a tuesday evening.

I made quick friends with my workmates and gradually made a few friends outside of work. I didn't find meeting people there any easier than here, especially when it came to meeting women that weren't introduced to me by my co-workers . . . granted, this was in '97 and things may have changed a lot since then but, my friends in B'klyn and Queens say things are still pretty much the same . . . you get your social bearings through work or other interests/hobbies and branch out from there.

When I moved to Philly I knew three people. One of them was my roommate. One was the girlfriend of one of my high school buddies who I had little in common with (he was at school in NYC). The other was the friend of a friend who was just so incredibly annoying that I once got off the bus before my stop just so I wouldn't have to listen to her anymore. None of them live here anymore.

I know so many people here that didn't grow up anywhere near here. My soccer team, for instance, we have two brazilians, a dane, a german, a thai, two californians, a guy from rochester, a girl from virginia, a girl from long island, a guy from iowa, etc. Most of us hang out off the field. Even the people that i chat with at my local watering hole are from all over the country. I don't necessarily hang out with my drinking buddies elsewhere but it wouldn't be weird if I did.

I have a friend from Charlotte who moved up here knowing only me, his girlfriend and a friend who had just started a business. He broke up with his girlfriend shortly after moving here, his friend's business went under (and the guy moved to the 'burbs) and I rarely see him anymore because he's too busy with all of his other friends.

Maybe i'm just hyper-social or something but when I hear people saying, "woe is me, it's so hard to meet people, there's something wrong with this city" it makes me think something is up. If you move to NYC and get an apartment in Bayside, Queens and start complaining about your social life your coworkers in the city are gonna tell you to move. If you spend the rest of your time hanging out in posh (or dive) bars or night clubs hoping to find a boyfriend, well . . .

So many people who move here from afar plant themselves on the Parkway or as close to Kelly Dr. as they can. I don't understand it. Half of them wind up in high rises, living alone. I can't think of a more alienating way to live.

[ApartmentNomad]

Originally Posted by girlygirl77

I think it is hard when people are only from Philly to answer vs those who moved there. hmm. . .

This is a valid point. Until very recently, I had not lived in any other city. I think my own status was part-insider/part-outsider. I lived in Northeast Philadelphia for most of my elementary school years, but between the age of (roughly) 11 and 24 (at which point I moved into the city to attend graduate school, with the expectation of living there long-term), I lived in the suburbs. However, I also commuted to Temple during that time. Additionally, my parents both grew up in Philadelphia and had a strong attachment to it. It always felt like "mine" to some extent. But I did not have a ready-made neighborhood or high school social circle (and an awful lot of people from my Temple social circle left the area shortly after graduating).

[Duderino]

Based on the OP's concerns, I think it's also important to note that parochialism and insularity are not synonymous. While Philadelphia may be a bit more parochial in comparison to a very large, very cosmopolitan city like NY, that does NOT mean it is insular. Some of the most -- if not, the most -- open and socially affable people I've ever met have been from Philadelphia (I grew up in the exurbs, so I think I have a good enough outsider's perspective). Hypothetically speaking, just because you may not be from an area/neighborhood like most people in that neighborhood; that does not mean you wouldn't have a shot at making friends and be very welcomed.

Personally speaking, I lived in the DC area for about 3 years -- which is chock full of transplants and very similar to NY in that sense. Yet it seemed surprisingly insular in terms of the social scene. I noticed a lot of clique-y behavior among people who would not necessarily associate with others who did not share a particular social status, professional interest or a high salary. It was a very materialistic/classist sort of environment that could be very annoying -- and sometimes alienating.

Above all, I think the social environment is what you make it. In my various experiences, the typical Philadelphian has no ounce of pretentiousness. If you are an open and welcoming person, you'll do just fine.

[john_starks]

I lived in the DC area for about 3 years -- which is chock full of transplants and very similar to NY in that sense. Yet it seemed surprisingly insular in terms of the social scene. I noticed a lot of clique-y behavior among people who would not necessarily associate with others who did not share a particular social status, professional interest or a high salary.

good points, solibs too.

i moved to philly from manhattan in 2005 (lived in the NY tri-state area all my life), so i guess i would be considered a "non-local" to philly. nyc is also very clique'ish based on work, school, etc..especially in manhattan. and its very transient similar to dc. the causal friends i met, without roots in the area, usually came and left after a few years, so its hard to devlop long lasting relationships, but it keeps things fresh and new. i found myself closest to family, school, and work friends who were rooted in CT, NY, LI or Jersey. so that's pretty "insular" as well...no?

that said, i would definitely try to check out Center City, parts of UCity, NoLibs, northern parts of So Philly or Manyunk. Philly just reminds me of Brooklyn or Queens, where you pretty much have neighborhood people who've spent generations there mixed with urban pioneers from elsewhere who came there for work or school.

and the plus is, its just a short drive or train ride away if you miss your NYC friends

[pman]

Originally Posted by Baileykm

I moved from San Diego 6 months ago. People around here are insular. I lived in Philly from 0-18 years of age to move to SoCal. The cute girls are stuck up and the guys still wear their letter jackets from 4 years ago in this city. This town is awful for dating and making new friends. But you can go to Manayunk for cover charges and expensive beer for the one night stands. The only spots I have found that people open up and talk are small **** hole bars. The older guys have no problem talking to you but I am 24, I would like to have more friends then a bar full of 60 year olds.

what garbage.

[girlygirl77]

Thanks for the responses. There are some very thoughtful ones in there and I greatly appreciate.

I think everyone gripes about dating in their city when they are single. So there are no surprises there. Still I can see nuances in what people have written so far. I think on difference I suspect is that many are coming to NY to be successful or make it/money etc. and esp. for men, it can mean settling down later or not wanting to be bothered by it so much. I imagine Philly has less of this but that also means pay is less etc. The cost of living reflects this though.

There is also a greater sense in NY that people are in a rush and we often don't regard others in our day to day lives for this reason. In calmer settings/parties etc. it is not so much. So I dont think people are meaner in NY - just everyday life can make people guarded and myopic. I say this more vs other cities I've lived. I haven't lived in Philly but spent some time - but I'm learning more from your posts.

Any others are always welcome. Thanks.