I Publicly Admonished Someone! (sales, crime, homes)

[Phxguy]

Originally Posted by Ponderosa

When I was young we would take watermelons from a grocery outdoor display at night (tiny town, different world) and roll them down the hill at oncoming cars. Was that wrong?

Nothing as bad as when I threw huge stones into the street and hoped a car would run it over. Or when I visited someone's house I would unscrew their path lights.

[Xica_da_Silva]

Originally Posted by Ponderosa

I think people need to be careful with admonishing someone. Many people in this state have attitude issues and carry weapons as well. It is a dangerous undertaking, I fear. Best to mind your own business.

Ha! Have you been talking to my mother, Ponderosa? That's exactly what she said when I told her about the incident, even though she agreed regarding the basic principle of etiquette involved. So, point well taken.

And it's interesting to ponder, would I have been so daring if it had been a burly man (or perhaps a big butch lady) behaving badly, versus a female who in this case was about the same size as I am, and not of a particularly intimidating appearance? I'd like to think so but I can't say for sure. And you're right, one never knows if someone might come unhinged and pull out heat, so size and even age (think of youngsters who are gang-banger wannabes) may give a false sense of security to myself, or even a guy who has the physique of a bodyguard.

Anyhow, I think it might totally depend on the context and whether I felt there were enough witnesses to back me up if things went awry. As someone whose profession used to be teaching (or training, as it is now), I've given quite a lot of thought lately to how we can try to prevent extreme cases of bullying, and feel like somehow, people must have courage to try to prevent these things from occurring (as well as infractions of a much less serious nature, like the fruit theft), and not turn a blind eye. I'm not saying always getting involved is the answer, but it seems there's a balance that can be reached. It seems to me that there is a (perhaps small) percentage of people who might actually change their behavior once they realize that they will be called out for it, or once they realize it's not acceptable. Some of it might be simply a matter of sub-culture and what's acceptable in one place versus another, as bungle was mentioning his experience in a small town versus where we are, which is somewhere between a suburb and city (I live downtown, btw). I'm sure if I moved to a small town, I would make my share of faux-pas, but I'd like to believe I could adapt if those around me explained what it was I was doing wrong (assuming it was nothing that went against my moral compass).

[lucygirl1]

Originally Posted by Xica_da_Silva

I guess I am just shocked that people are ok with going onto someone's private property and taking fruit without asking. I understand there may be some genuinely hungry, hard luck people out there who may need food, but still, it strikes me as disrespectful and audacious to do it like that, and not through what might be more official channels. Am I wrong?! Maybe I am I just an old fart who'll start screaming 'get offa my lawn' someday soon?!

My in-laws do this type of thing all the time. LOL! I am totally shocked by it. They plan out a time to meet with another friend and go to her neighbor's house and pick fruit off of it. What in the world!!??? Strange. I'd never do something like that!

[Howard Roark]

Property rights are property rights. I would do the same thing, OP! Don't feel guilty about it. You did the right thing.

My parents made the mistake of planting a pomegranite tree and two lemon trees in their front yard. It all attracted neighborhood kids. They would even pick pomegranites before they were ripened. We'd chase them a lot of times. Lesson learned! My parents transplanted the pomegranite tree from the backyard to in front where it would get more sunlight. The fruit was incredible! I did not even know at the time pomegranites were healthy. I loved them. This was in the central San Joaquin Valley of California. Arguably the best growing conditions for fruits and vegetables in the world.

[Kimballette]

Originally Posted by Xica_da_Silva

I've given quite a lot of thought lately to how we can try to prevent extreme cases of bullying, and feel like somehow, people must have courage to try to prevent these things from occurring (as well as infractions of a much less serious nature, like the fruit theft), and not turn a blind eye. I'm not saying always getting involved is the answer, but it seems there's a balance that can be reached. It seems to me that there is a (perhaps small) percentage of people who might actually change their behavior once they realize that they will be called out for it, or once they realize it's not acceptable.

Very well stated, Xica. Kudos to you!

[11Hungrybb]

Xica, you did the right thing and I am glad you stood up for your neighbor. I would have done the same thing but in a more hostile manner, heh....

[Jukesgrrl]

Originally Posted by Bummer

WAY TO GO, Xica.

Isn't it amazing how some people have absolutely NO SHAME whatsoever.

A psychologist would call it "inappropriate feelings of entitlement" and it utterly amazing how many ways -- from petty to criminal -- it manifests:

-The person who pulls out of a parking lot into traffic causing everyone to slam on their brakes
-People who cut into any kind of line
-Freeway drivers who take it as their right to exit from the passing lane
-The person at the supermarket who not only doesn't put away their cart, but parks it behind the car next to them so THAT person has to put away their cart
-Those who take government benefits they're not entitled to
-The boss who takes credit for his or her employee's work
-Employees who fake illnesses causing their co-workers to do their assignments
-The person who takes all the free samples that are supposed to be for a group
-Women who load up their purses at a buffet
-The driver who parks in the middle of two spaces
-People who shoplift, steal at open houses, etc.
-Job seekers who lie on their resumes
...I could go on, but you get the picture.

And then there is the entertaining version on which entire TV programs are based: Celebrity Entitlement Syndrome.

And, yes, Xica, I agree that it IS a type of bullying. Thanks for sticking up for those who try to play fair.

[steel7]

I have a nice lemon tree but i barely use the lemons so i dont mind if a neighbor picks a few lemons without asking.

I have a rude wack neighbor who had nice tangerine & grapefruit trees. She never watered them so the fruit was junk.

[Fontucky]

Originally Posted by Bungle

It's kind of sad that 50-60 years ago the response to seeing someone pick a neighbor's lemons would have likely been 'would you like a basket for those?'.

I was alive 50 years ago (and then some). My small town grandmother knew what she was doing when, back in the early thirties, she planted her premium fruit in their huge, fenced backyard... the avocados, seedless tangerines, beautiful sweet peaches and apricots, the melons, all the varieties of grapes. The types of fruit she didn't sell or put up were planted out front for the freeloaders.

[poptones]

You live in a community and take care to have a nice yard, I get that; I live in town as well and don't want people treading all over what I'm barely able to maintain myself. But I also don't have a fence. Privacy is very important to me but not so much I feel I need a fence. Likewise, it seems to me if fruit is so important to you then you keep it in the back yard behind a fence.

That respect some of you seem to be a bit too indignant about is a two way street. Like me with the old man with the lemons, we all live and learn. But the other side of being a good neighbor is reasonableness, and it seems to be unreasonable to bark at some kid for taking a shortcut through your (unfenced) yard, or grabbing a piece of fruit off the tree that is in easy reach as he passes by. I'm atheist but I don't have a problem turning a bible quote every once in a while and the one that comes to mind here is "it is a sin to muzzle the oxen as he threshes the grain." The ox is doing work, but so too are one's neighbors. Everyone needs to get along; being one of those neighbors who screams "hey you kids get offa my lawn" and when time comes you have need you may just find yourself doing without.