Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wish you the best. The people here are definitely supportive and have provided some great advice. You just need to remember to stay strong and face him. Think about your sons future and the way you want him to be raised. The issue with his drinking cannot be your burden, it should be your motivation to get away. If he won't change why should you???
I like the little joke there keep that humor and keep your head on straight.
Binge drinkers like your husband are a special challenge for the family. They can easily stop drinking and stay sober for long periods and then go back to the old ways. With binge drinkers there is a lot more choice than compulsion to drink in my experience. Binge drinkers want to get plastered for whatever reason. So he can make promises and keep them for a while. I know. I spent years in this pattern myself and have a few blemishes on my record to show for it. I did the AA thing but it was a waste because I really could quit easily when I wanted to. I got lots of coins! Then I would want to go on a good drunk, so I did. And then I would quit again for a few months. What stopped me was not a nagging wife, but the fact that migraines I have had all my life became increasingly triggered by alcohol. These days, I can't even sniff a cork without getting a migraine! Maybe the loss of his family will be enough to keep him on the path or at least keep the binges down to a more manageable frequency. As he gets older, it may happen that the physical toll of drinking will push him to limit it.
Until such a thing happens, he absolutely must not drink and drive on a suspended license. They will crucify him in AZ for that. I have a nephew in prison for more than 10 years for that! The judges just get tired of these guys coming back and lock them up and throw away the key.
So sorry about your nephew. Yes, AZ is NOT kind to repeat offenders! He didn't drink for 15 years as I told him I wouldn't marry him if he was actively drinking(way back when I was 24). He quit for years and started again after suffering depression but he hid it from me the entire time. He says he hid it from me to protect me, UGH!
The alcohol didn't help him so he started taking antidepressants last summer and that's when the binges got worse. His doc told him he can't drink and take the meds, but he didn't care and kept right on doing what he wanted to do, which was drink. His whole defense has been that he can control it, he doesn't do it every day, he doesn't beat me, it's my fault he drinks(then the next day he rescinds that and tells me that it's not my fault), it's his work's fault, the world sucks and everyone is out to get him, poor poor him, he's entitled to a better life, etc. He probably blamed one of you since everyone else contributes to his problems after all.
I have heard it all. My therapist thinks he has narcissistic personality disorder on top of the issues with the alcohol and depression. He's alienated from most of his family, except his mother who's exactly like him. His brother and sister don't want to have anything to do with him. His dad died last month back in MD and we were at the funeral. His brother did a nice eulogy and told a story about how certain will handle coming across a stop sign in the middle of the open desert. He said he knows that he'd stop even if there were no cars around, just because it's a stop sign and because his dad was a cop. Then he says, "Well, we all know what my little brother would do. He'd blow right through that stop sign and give it the middle finger." Umm, that pretty much explains how his family sees him.
Thanks Maverick! I am going away for 3 weeks in July. I will be telling him exactly what you told me, it's part of my plan to get him to make some decisions. If he chooses to NOT take any positive steps in those 3 weeks, then I know where he loyalties are and I will be filing for legal separation to protect myself and our son financially.
What really sucks is that I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom, have been all these years. I haven't had a job in 14 years and my son has emotional issues and tourette's syndrome so homeschooling has been great for us. If I left now I'd have enough money to be able to continue homeschooling and living in my home for about 2 years(stretching it and being frugal, of course). Hey, I'm a 5'8" size 6 blonde, maybe I can get remarried by then, LOL??? Oh, geez, I had to at least get one joke in amidst this mess he's created for us. Thanks everyone for the input!
5'8"? Blonde? Size 6????
Hey, I'm widowed and as single as they get. Let me know when you're separated. lol.
I'm kidding of course. Well, maybe not 100%. hehe.
Anyway, I hope your extended vacation puts a fire under his butt. In my experience, most alcoholics need to start losing stuff (family, money, etc.) before they even realize there is a problem. It's all how they choose to deal with it. In my brothers case, he didn't care what he lost and who he hurt as long as he could get a drink.
I wish you good luck but don't be surprised if he doesn't choose what you think he should.
5'8"? Blonde? Size 6????
Hey, I'm widowed and as single as they get. Let me know when you're separated. lol.
I'm kidding of course. Well, maybe not 100%. hehe.
Anyway, I hope your extended vacation puts a fire under his butt. In my experience, most alcoholics need to start losing stuff (family, money, etc.) before they even realize there is a problem. It's all how they choose to deal with it. In my brothers case, he didn't care what he lost and who he hurt as long as he could get a drink.
I wish you good luck but don't be surprised if he doesn't choose what you think he should.
I know, no expectations right? LOL! I needed a laugh today anyway.
Just met with a neuropsychologist about my son's ADHD and learning problems and she is the second doc to tell me that he probably has brain damage caused by his traumatic birth. She told me that my dreams of him going to a 4 year college might be far fetched but it will all depend on how his brain develops over the next few years and how much help I give him. I told her of the troubles at home and we discussed the fact that school may need to be a possibility(we homeschool now) and we talked of the cons of all my options at this point. Sooooo, here I sit. I got a great kid with brain damage because the stupid hospital wouldn't C-section me in time, a stupid husband whose wrapped up in his addiction, and I'm hanging by a thread.
Oh, the blonde, by the way, covers up my gray hairs that just started this past year. Stress will do that to you, LOL! I'm only 42 but feel 20 years older!
MY suggestion ... YOU need a lawyer .. to file for divorce, he WILL get drunk, he WILL caught, he WILL go to jail, he may injure or kill someone and insurance does NOT pay for drivers with no or a suspended license, he WILL get fired from his job, it is only a matter of when all this is going to happen, and when he gets sued if you are still married to him you will lose EVERYTHING too.
If you stay married to him he WILL take you down with him.
Girl you have problems, good thing is you can homeschool son when not working. Good if you go to Al-Anon....This happens in many different ways, he can quit and go on a dry-drunk like my ex did..I talked to his sponsor time and time again and no help other than I needed out of his emotional control. Go to your parents for the time-frame and keep your son there and start over, let the hubby have his hell here in AZ unless you really want to be here. You left for one weekend and he failed, imagine 3 weeks. Now unfortunitally you have to deal with it before it is too late and you and your son pay...best of luck girl...
Girl you have problems, good thing is you can homeschool son when not working. Good if you go to Al-Anon....This happens in many different ways, he can quit and go on a dry-drunk like my ex did..I talked to his sponsor time and time again and no help other than I needed out of his emotional control. Go to your parents for the time-frame and keep your son there and start over, let the hubby have his hell here in AZ unless you really want to be here. You left for one weekend and he failed, imagine 3 weeks. Now unfortunitally you have to deal with it before it is too late and you and your son pay...best of luck girl...
I believe he was a dry drunk for 15 years. Had I known that relapses can occur after all those years, I probably wouldn't have married him. I was bit naive, and very much in love back then.
He just got his home monitoring ankle bracelet off today and he hasn't had to put the ignition interlock in his car yet. I just came home and he got back from Walmart, please tell me how that is work related? No wonder he's hiding in his office all day!
I believe he was a dry drunk for 15 years. Had I known that relapses can occur after all those years, I probably wouldn't have married him. I was bit naive, and very much in love back then.
He just got his home monitoring ankle bracelet off today and he hasn't had to put the ignition interlock in his car yet. I just came home and he got back from Walmart, please tell me how that is work related? No wonder he's hiding in his office all day!
Is he drinking...You decide what is safe for you and what isn't...I would personally get TFO...get the flock out with my kid without setting off his limits, you know those, or go somewhere and hide with a neighbor or friend...my advice is getting out sooner versus later, after been there done that...just go as soon as you can
Is he drinking...You decide what is safe for you and what isn't...I would personally get TFO...get the flock out with my kid without setting off his limits, you know those, or go somewhere and hide with a neighbor or friend...my advice is getting out sooner versus later, after been there done that...just go as soon as you can
He did drink a few weeks ago, it was the weekend before he went to Tent City. I still don't know what I'm going to do. There's so much more to the story than just the drinking and the DUI and I sometimes think I can do a better job protecting my kid by staying in the same house as him. Just last night he was going off on one of his racist rants and when I gave him a dirty look he left the room. He kept trying to drag our son into his ranting and trying to get our son to agree with him. At least by living here, I can interfere and step in verbally or even just looking disapprovingly. My husband's thought processes are so twisted that I am afraid to share custody with him because of how he tries to influence others. He is a master manipulator and can sell ice to Eskimos, know what I mean? My son isn't strong enough to stand up to dad yet, he still has dad on a pedestal. I just wish it could be easier, sigh...
Thank you all for the replies. We own both our cars outright so we have the titles on premises. I have tried to talk to him about my concerns and he will agree to abiding by my requests and then haul off and do what he wants. I've expressed my fears and told him the legal consequences of his actions to which he says, "You don't know what your talking about. My lawyer told me that I can drive as long as I don't get caught. Oh, and he also told me I could buy a beater car to put the ignition interlock into, too."
As for CA, he's been cited for not wearing a seatbelt there, too. He never wears his seatbelt, not even now with all that's going on! I honestly feel that he's on a slippery slope and I have no idea how to get him to hear me. Honestly, I've given up and I feel that I need to figure out how to protect myself and our 13 year old.
I have tried to get him help, I called his doctor(psychiatrist) and when he found out about my concern and the fact that I called, he turned the drinking up a notch which led to the DUI. He is a binge drinker and I'm assuming he's not done drinking since I know he drank a few weeks ago when I was out of town. Frustrated doesn't even begin to explain how I feel!
I feel so bad for you and hope you get the help needed. My son works in a bar and is always telling us horror stories about some of the regulars that actually fall over on diners tables or just face plant. I can't understand why the bartenders keep feeding them booze over and over when they know these regulars are going to kill someone someday. Sad stuff. Best of luck to you.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
keep that humor and keep your head on straight.
