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I had basically the same discussion with my wife last night. I basically said a house can be boiled down to five major variables.
1. Cost
2. Amount of work needed
3. Size
4. Location
5. Character/amenities
By setting an arbitrary cost limit (which we really can go over, for reasons I'll outline below), and saying she doesn't want a house with any major home improvement projects which need to be done, she's reducing it to the last three variables. We have to go up in size, so that's that. There's been some bungalows in Regent Square she's been interested in lately, but they're all three bedroom one bath numbers which have the same or smaller square footage to our house. We can only compromise so much on location, because my wife has ruled out anywhere in the suburbs, and frankly has ruled out most of the city as well. And even if she were willing to look in genuinely undesirable areas (she's mentioned before how she wishes Hazelwood was a good neighborhood, because it would be the ideal location), you aren't going to find houses which don't need work there. Which leaves houses with crucial flaws which cannot be fixed. Horrible layouts. Butt-ugly facades, etc. Which, since she's an architect, I know she won't be amenable to.
I can really understand my wife's desire to not move into a house which needs work, given our track record. But I can't understand the cost concern, because it's not an issue. Lemme give you guys some backstory. Might be a bit personal for the forum, but I'll get all SCR on yall for a bit.
My father developed MS when he was 39. My mother had to have him put in a nursing home early as a result. But she discovered when she moved to Massachusetts for retirement that unlike Connecticut, she didn't have to pillage her own assets to pay for it. She had been putting the max into her 401(k) each year in preparation, and really lucked out because her company stock did well, and much of it was in company stock initially. So she discovered, upon early retirement, she had over a million dollars in her retirement account - money which she didn't need, as she has a defined benefit pension plan, and pays for long-term care insurance for herself, meaning there's no chance she'll need to raid her own money to pay for a nursing home.
My older brother has never been as good at controlling his spending habits as I have, and has thus been hitting up my mom for money for ages. She decided to give him the maximum gift of roughly $12,000 (before you can report it on taxes) annually. I initially tried to refuse the money, but my mother said that she had to give it to me, since my brother was taking it himself.
I didn't have access to this secondary source of income when I bought our house. But I got access to it soon after, and we've used it to pay for every single home improvement project in the house. The first year we were in the house we put in new floors and got walls repaired. The second year we redid the kitchen. And the third year we finished the attic. Then our daughter was born, and my wife didn't seem able to take on any home improvement projects any longer, and things slowed down. It's not as if nothing was done during this period - we had to have lead mitigation done on our house due to elevated lead levels in our daughter, and we did get the exterior of our house restored. But it took my wife three years to decide what she wanted to do with out bathroom. Since she's an architect, she wants to design everything out (and act as the GC ), but she didn't have time to do so. Also, she's really indecisive in general. Pile on top of that architect hours (working to midnight many days) and being a mom of a small child, and she just kept procrastinating, even though we had the most disgusting, ghetto bathroom in the world for almost the entire time we lived in the house.
Regardless, given the way she approaches home improvement projects (and the fact that she won't actually let me take charge of any) I don't blame her for not wanting a "project" house again. But we'll still be getting the $12,000 or whatever each year, even if we don't spend it on home improvements. It's effectively part of our reported income. Thus, presuming we moved into a house that needed "nothing done" but had a mortgage of $1,000 per month instead of the current $525, we'd still come out ahead financially (presuming utility costs weren't too much higher) over paying an identical mortgage to now but spending $12,000 on annual remodeling.
I think you should at least consider larger homes with one bathroom. A friend put a powder room in under their stairs. It can be done and isn't that large of a job.
The other thing is that your wife is going to have to give up on being the GC on any project. Frankly, she doesn't have the time for it. Think about it. If you had hired your wife as an architect. You most likely would have fired her since she couldn't get the job timely.
One way to deal with a rehab is to buy the house using a home equity line of credit for a down payment and then sell the house upon finishing the job. You know it will sell very quickly if it is price right so selling shouldn't be an issue. This way you don't have to live through the construction job.
I tried to have another conversation with her last night, using this house as a possibility. It's a bit out her arbitrarily set price range, but it doesn't appear to need any work. And it's in the Mexican War Streets "proper," which she's formerly said is the only part of the North Side she'd be interested in moving to. Her response was she thought the house was "too buried" (it's only a block in!), too expensive, and she isn't willing to consider anything in the North Side at all any longer (she used to be mostly opposed, but was at least open to looking).
She's also basically ruled out everything south of the Mon. All we can afford in South Side are things without off-street parking (she says we'd need it if she moved back there) and/or houses towards the 10th Street Bridge (which she says doesn't offer good access to her parents). Brookline is too far from our daughter's school. Mount Washington/Duqnese Heights is "too suburban."
She's totally unwilling to look for a house in Upper Lawrenceville, Stanton Heights, Morningside, or Highland Park because they're further from her parents. She's nervous about buying in East Liberty - despite my reassurances - because she says "all the improvements are towards Penn, away from the houses." She isn't willing to pay the $275,000 to $350,000 we'd need to get a large house in Lawrenceville, even though there's no other neighborhood in the city she likes as much. She thinks it isn't worth trying for anything in Squirrel Hill at our price range. She loves Bloomfield, but now that a house "got away" she doesn't think we'll find anything.
She basically has no realistic answer but Greenfield, which she keeps coming back to because it's a bit closer to her parents, but still in the East End. I find it funny that she feels it's okay when she derides similar areas, like Mount Washington, as being the suburbs. But she wants to find a 3-4 bedroom, 1.5 bath house which doesn't need significant updating and has curb appeal. They exist, but they're damn hard to come by. We missed out on this one because we were away when it went on the market, and it went under agreement by the time we came back. And that's the nicest thing in Greenfield I've seen in a year. I don't think we would have gotten it even if we were in town, because my wife has to agonize about a decision for weeks before making it, and good houses don't stick around.
So yeah, I'll keep window shopping, but I don't have any realistic belief we're going to move out of our house until my wife decides she can't stand living there any longer. The thing that sucks is if/when we have to move, our options will probably be worse than today, since interest rates will be higher, and at some point Lawrenceville appreciation will top out in comparison to other neighborhoods.
And that's the nicest thing in Greenfield I've seen in a year.
I had no idea there was anything that nice on that street. When you drive by it's intersection with Greenfield Ave., it really doesn't look like a street that might have something so big.
I had no idea there was anything that nice on that street. When you drive by it's intersection with Greenfield Ave., it really doesn't look like a street that might have something so big.
It's not huge, 2,100 square feet or so. The house is really from around 1910, not 1930, which is obvious just looking at it.
Streetview shows the crucial flaw in the house. It not only lacks access to an alley or any off-street parking, it lacks on-street parking, as there is a hydrant directly in front of the home.
Regardless, given the way she approaches home improvement projects (and the fact that she won't actually let me take charge of any) I don't blame her for not wanting a "project" house again. But we'll still be getting the $12,000 or whatever each year, even if we don't spend it on home improvements. It's effectively part of our reported income. Thus, presuming we moved into a house that needed "nothing done" but had a mortgage of $1,000 per month instead of the current $525, we'd still come out ahead financially (presuming utility costs weren't too much higher) over paying an identical mortgage to now but spending $12,000 on annual remodeling.
For once, I'm going to side with your wife on the mortgage payment. If you die, she won't have that $12,000 per year and she'd lose your annual income too. Many families overextend themselves and require two incomes, but it's really important to keep housing costs to a minimum. We were blessed to be in a house that was paid off when my husband was temporarily disabled for a year due to an injury.
Since the monthly budget is more important to her and you need a larger house, she needs to accept a house that needs some work. It's mindboggling that she would consider Hazelwood but she refused Greenfield for being too suburban. Although she's currently accepting Greenfield, don't be surprised if she suddenly turns it down again for being too suburban.
Now, here's my pep talk to help you realize it's not all doom and gloom forever. Save this year's 12k and next years. That's an additional 24k down payment and houses are sometimes listed higher than the selling price. If you keep saving that 12k each year, it won't matter if she doesn't move for 10 years because you'll have 120k plus the additional appreciated equity in your house that will only go up in value. Don't come up with excuses to spend any of the 12k annually because that will prove that you wouldn't have put it towards a higher mortgage.
Keep window shopping. The perfect solution might become available sooner than you expect.
I don't think we would have gotten it even if we were in town, because my wife has to agonize about a decision for weeks before making it, and good houses don't stick around.
If you ever run into the perfect house again, put an offer on it without her. Tell her straight up, right now, that's what you will do to secure a perfect house while she's mulling it over.
For once, I'm going to side with your wife on the mortgage payment. If you die, she won't have that $12,000 per year and she'd lose your annual income too. Many families overextend themselves and require two incomes, but it's really important to keep housing costs to a minimum. We were blessed to be in a house that was paid off when my husband was temporarily disabled for a year due to an injury.
We both have life insurance policies worth $500,000. She shouldn't have any issue paying off the mortgage of any house if I die. The effect of a job loss is something to consider though. In our current house we could easily survive on one income, but if we lived in a more expensive one this wouldn't be an option for long.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
Since the monthly budget is more important to her and you need a larger house, she needs to accept a house that needs some work. It's mindboggling that she would consider Hazelwood but she refused Greenfield for being too suburban. Although she's currently accepting Greenfield, don't be surprised if she suddenly turns it down again for being too suburban.
She doesn't so much accept Hazelwood as she does wish that Hazelwood was a safe, intact, non-blighted neighborhood, because it has all the other ingredients she's looking for (historic, mixed-use, has a commercial main street, and close to her parents.
She's against portions of Greenfield for being too suburban. She's not interested in anything in the middle section, which I believe is the portion called "Bigelow Heights" She's only okay with things either in walking distance to the Greenfield Avenue business district, or in walking distance to Murray Avenue.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
Now, here's my pep talk to help you realize it's not all doom and gloom forever. Save this year's 12k and next years. That's an additional 24k down payment and houses are sometimes listed higher than the selling price. If you keep saving that 12k each year, it won't matter if she doesn't move for 10 years because you'll have 120k plus the appreciated equity in your house. Don't come up with excuses to spend any of the 12k annually because that will prove that you wouldn't have put it towards a higher mortgage.
Keep window shopping. The perfect solution might become available sooner than you expect.
Yeah, I know. The thing is, unlike my wife, I just feel a need for change from time to time. Living in the same house for seven years has been driving me crazy, in part because over the same period most of the rest of my life has been the same. It's not like I want to leave my wife or quit my job, so I was looking forward to the change of pace a new home/neighborhood would offer. My wife, in contrast, tends to fear every change that can happen for the potential downsides.
Yeah, I know. The thing is, unlike my wife, I just feel a need for change from time to time. Living in the same house for seven years has been driving me crazy, in part because over the same period most of the rest of my life has been the same. It's not like I want to leave my wife or quit my job, so I was looking forward to the change of pace a new home/neighborhood would offer.
That speaks volumes. You're in the 7 year itch rut. Time to get a hobby. Seriously.
That speaks volumes. You're in the 7 year itch rut. Time to get a hobby. Seriously.
I have a four year old and an eight-month old. On the weekends I don't even have time to write an email between waking up and going to bed. How the heck would I work on a hobby?
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), but she didn't have time to do so. Also, she's really indecisive in general. Pile on top of that architect hours (working to midnight many days) and being a mom of a small child, and she just kept procrastinating, even though we had the most disgusting, ghetto bathroom in the world for almost the entire time we lived in the house. 
