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You make a good point about culture, but keep in mind African-Americans DID NOT have these social problems before the 1960s. Most children were born in intact, married families even though most AA's were in poverty, oppression and segregation.
Since this has been going on for only 50 years, it can't be culture.
As a slim and petite Black woman, I usually attract men that are looking for a slim and petite Black woman. I have found that men are quite specific in the kind of women they like. It's just that simple. The men that step to me are attracted to small women. They usually have nice physiques as well. I don't care about height in a guy. A short guy that takes care of himself is just as attractive as a tall guy that takes care of himself. Men that let themselves go physically often let themselves go in other key areas of life. In regard to education, I have found that most ambitious, educated men like ambitious educated women. Completing college is a great display of commitment. Most people drop out of college than graduate. What else are they going to drop out of? Where else is there a lack of commitment? These are reasons why college graduates desire other college graduates. You don't want to end up with someone that quits easily.
Meh, maybe I'm different but your reasoning above doesn't have much to do with why I prefer college graduates. I've actually never even looked at it with your perspective about commitment(but it isn't the first time I heard a person say that). I realize that college isn't for everyone, so a person who didn't make the commitment to stick through college may have been smart enough to realize that it wasn't for "them" or pursued another path that delivered just as much success. I know many people who did not go to college, but had no problem with commitment, hardwork, and were successful. There are paths other than college(i.e. trade school, military, starting your own business, working your way up, etc).
My reasoning for wanting a college graduate is simply because I believe that college IMO opens one's mind, changes the way a person thinks, their decision making process, their perspective on life, etc. Or at least that is how my college degree benefited me. There are other reasons why education is important to me of course. I will say, though, that a person who sticks through college and get's his/her degree is always worthy of my respect because I know it is an awesome feat.
You based your actions on the behavior of teenage girls? Most teens are quite immature and require time to grow. It's odd that you expect teenage girls to behave like mature women and select studious, intelligent guys at an early age.
Ofcourse I did, as an immature hormone raging young teen that thought about sex every other minute- yes I cared what teenage girls wanted- Hell yes. I had no expectations from them except to to satisfy my libido. I don't know where you grew up but teenage boys do everything to get into teenage girls pants
Poor Decision Making Skills: A black woman's achilles heel. Its hard to recognize a man who is good relationship/father material, if there was never a male role model in the household.
Poor Decision Making Skills: A black woman's achilles heel. Its hard to recognize a man who is good relationship/father material, if there was never a male role model in the household.
Not necessarily true. The untold story of all this is that these children do have male role models, they're just not the ideal ones. These single mothers are still "dating" and having sex and/or procreating and bringing these less than stellar men into the home. The children in the household are very aware of this revolving door. It shouldn't be any surprise that their daughters and sons mimic this behavior.
I think it's silly when men talk about teenage women and their dating preferences(I feel the same way about teenage boys as well). Look the reality is that MOST teenagers are not capable of picking out "long term suitors" or "mates". They are typically shallow, impulsive, etc. So basing your feelings about these women on what happened in highschool is very silly. I'm 26, and I remember HS and the type of boys I crushed on, and dated. The biggest difference between my dating preferences as a teenager and as a woman, is that as a teenager I wasn't looking for a man to settle down with, marry, and have children. I wasn't "screening" because I didn't know "how" to screen. But I learned from the dating experiences I had when I was a teenager, as well as from knowing myself as a woman and growing up. I am not at all the same woman I was at 18, and few people are the same person they were at 18. I would not date some of the young men I crushed on back in H.S because experience, age, maturity and priorities have changed. I also am not making decisions based on hormones, fads, etc. Which is something the majority of teenagers base their decisions off of. The fact of the matter is that most people realize that teenage years are not are "brightest" most rational years, so why are we fixating on the dating decisions that teenagers made at that time? I don't understand it when men(and women) talk about getting "passed" up in HS, and continue to fixate on that ten years later. It just doesn't make sense, you simply cannot expect a teenager to make the same sort of decisions that a grown adult would make. So how can you fault the young men and women in HS for the dating decisions they made? Even amongst other races the "alpha" males(i.e. bad boys, jocks, super attractive males) were desirable in HS. Then people grow up, and go into the real world.
The big problem IMO isn't the fact that the women choose to date "bad boys" in HS(though one could argue that is somewhat of an issue) it's the men women choose to have children with--later on down the road, or date when they are older and know better or should know better.
Now obviously YES SOME teenage boys are basing the way they act, dress, etc on what they feel is desirable to the girls in their age group. Teenage girls do the same thing. This goes on amongst all races. Ask nerdy white boys, what the "popular" or attractive white girls were going after in HS and you'll see that it was typically the attractive but "bad boy". And that bad boy most likely took his cues from those young women, just as the young women took their cues from what they felt the young men wanted. But once you leave HS, things change(or at least they should change if you choose a desirable path). Which is why it makes little sense to talk about HS and the type of men and women that teenagers were selecting or taking "cues" from.
Not necessarily true. The untold story of all this is that these children do have male role models, they're just not the ideal ones. These single mothers are still "dating" and having sex and/or procreating and bringing these less than stellar men into the home. The children in the household are very aware of this revolving door. It shouldn't be any surprise that their daughters and sons mimic this behavior.
This is what "Its hard to recognize a man who is good father/relationship material if there is never a male role model in the home." means. If a mother has poor decision making skills, how can she possibly teach her daughter what to look for in a prospective companion? What more can she convey to her daughter other than "do as I say, not as I have done"? - or 'dont make the same mistakes that I did'... Its scarcely different from the old cliche thug, who turns over a new leaf after 9 years at Clinton Max, only to come home and "mentor" youth by telling them "dont be like me man" - rather than setting an example that teaches them what TO be like, and how to become it.
This is what "Its hard to recognize a man who is good father/relationship material if there is never a male role model in the home." means. If a mother has poor decision making skills, how can she possibly teach her daughter what to look for in a prospective companion? What more can she convey to her daughter other than "do as I say, not as I have done"? - or 'dont make the same mistakes that I did'... Its scarcely different from the old cliche thug, who turns over a new leaf after 9 years at Clinton Max, only to come home and "mentor" youth by telling them "dont be like me man" - rather than setting an example that teaches them what TO be like, and how to become it.
This is what "Its hard to recognize a man who is good father/relationship material if there is never a male role model in the home." means. If a mother has poor decision making skills, how can she possibly teach her daughter what to look for in a prospective companion? What more can she convey to her daughter other than "do as I say, not as I have done"? - or 'dont make the same mistakes that I did'... Its scarcely different from the old cliche thug, who turns over a new leaf after 9 years at Clinton Max, only to come home and "mentor" youth by telling them "dont be like me man" - rather than setting an example that teaches them what TO be like, and how to become it.
Not to argue, but that's not what I gathered from your post. The insinuation seemed to be that if there was a male role model in the home, then by virture of his presence being in the home, he would be recognized as "good/father/relationship material." Mymistake if I misread it. All I'm saying that there are role models in the homes, they're just the wrong ones. In the grand scheme of things, I think a lot of these women are setting bad examples for both their male and female children with their own behaviors. These young men and women witness these men come in and out of the home along with the drama that it creates. The female children end up becoming like their mothers--where their sons end up becoming like the men they bore their children with. It's scray either way you look at it.
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