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Bullying was bad enough before the internet, but at least there was some respite from it when the child left school and went home (provided the bullies didn't live in your neighborhood or your parents weren't bullies themselves). But now it can be a non-stop assault through Facebook and Twitter.
There have been studies that tracked bullied children into adulthood. They have found that the majority of those bullied as children are more likely to be poor, have self esteem issues, relationship issues and be generally unhappier than those who were not bullied. That's tracking the ones who actually had a break from the bullying. These days, it is no small wonder that you hear of kids committing suicide just to get the bullying to stop.
For all those who don't feel bullying is a big deal, or feel people are just "too sensitive" I'm afraid nothing that is said here will change your mindset and your inability to comprehend just how damaging bullying can be.
This is the deal. I should not have to put up with crap in the workplace. One is there to work, not get harassed. One is in school to get an education, not get harassed and beaten up.
A person should not have to learn to put up with anything. A person should either be allowed to fight back and absolutely NO PUNISHMENT for it, or if the odds are against that person, getting the proper authorities on that bully. I am calling for peace and order. Bullies should be handled and sanctioned quickly.
I agree with you in principle, but it's not all that simple. Sometimes the bully is the first to claim they were the ones defending themselves against you, and without video surveillance to verify, the teacher/principal has to either choose a side or punish both parties using their own judgment or limited knowledge of each student.
And that poster was saying kids have to be taught to deal with bullies, not put up with them. Ideally, a parent shouldn't have to spend the time to teach this crap, "Here's what to do if someone without a brain starts antagonizing you". But in the real world, yeah, you have to either do that or accept the risk your kid's going to be bullied. That's not to exonerate the bully; they should be punished and corrected ASAP. But in the meantime, you have to keep your own kid from allowing himself to be a victim, the best you can.
The pecking order concept is useful... in preparing kids for prison
Now that you mention prison, it kind of makes sense. The schools basically function similar to prison. I don't believe the schools were ever meant to function like that. However, the schools have evolved to such a function.
It has alot to do with how minors of seen and valued. The smart kids, who want to learn, are there with kids who couldn't care less, who would rather not be there. And in today's world, having minors on the streets at all hours of the day makes alot of people uncomfortable, and some parents don't want to deal with looking after the kids. So who looks after the kids? The schools. Schools become like prisons because they merely corral kids during the day. The bullying and the violence in some schools is indicative of the failures of our schools, as well as the dumbing down of the schools. Smart kids might get higher classes, but the kids who are just there to be there, and the kids with behavior problems, they go after those whom they perceive as weak or unwanted. It functions like prison. There is one difference between school and prison. Prisons were built to punish people. Schools were not made for the purpose of punishing people.
I agree with you in principle, but it's not all that simple. Sometimes the bully is the first to claim they were the ones defending themselves against you, and without video surveillance to verify, the teacher/principal has to either choose a side or punish both parties using their own judgment or limited knowledge of each student.
And that poster was saying kids have to be taught to deal with bullies, not put up with them. Ideally, a parent shouldn't have to spend the time to teach this crap, "Here's what to do if someone without a brain starts antagonizing you". But in the real world, yeah, you have to either do that or accept the risk your kid's going to be bullied. That's not to exonerate the bully; they should be punished and corrected ASAP. But in the meantime, you have to keep your own kid from allowing himself to be a victim, the best you can.
Generally when I was in school many decades ago, it was not hard for anybody to pick out who the bully was and who the bullied was. Generally bullies would bully more than one kid. It usually wasn't a "first time event". Especially if the bully was physically larger physically and the bullied was smaller which was usually the case. The bully would not pick on a kid his own size or a smaller kid he thought might stick a knife in him (usually Italian or Hispanic kids). The bullied were usually physical smaller white kids whom might have a 'goofy' characteristic about them like wearing thick glasses or having a funny voice or speech pattern. And the bullies were usually larger white kids who were jock types. The funny thing is that most of the serious jocks that were on the sports teams did not bully other kids because they were scared of getting into trouble. If they were suspended from school, they get booted off the team too. And probably because they were already campus stars and didn't feel the need to get a rep off the backs of other kids.
Generally when I was in school many decades ago, it was not hard for anybody to pick out who the bully was and who the bullied was. Generally bullies would bully more than one kid. It usually wasn't a "first time event". Especially if the bully was physically larger physically and the bullied was smaller which was usually the case. The bully would not pick on a kid his own size or a smaller kid he thought might stick a knife in him (usually Italian or Hispanic kids). The bullied were usually physical smaller white kids whom might have a 'goofy' characteristic about them like wearing thick glasses or having a funny voice or speech pattern. And the bullies were usually larger white kids who were jock types. The funny thing is that most of the serious jocks that were on the sports teams did not bully other kids because they were scared of getting into trouble. If they were suspended from school, they get booted off the team too. And probably because they were already campus stars and didn't feel the need to get a rep off the backs of other kids.
Some things have changed since you were in school. I went to middle school and high school in the late 1990s to early 2000s. Bullies have come in all sizes. In some cases, a few kids would gang up on one kid, rather than one kid mess with a bunch of kids. And sometimes the bullied weren't always particularly small.
And the demographics you mention, it was a different thing when I was in school. Middle school and high school were a bit different because of demographic transition.
There were White kids getting bullied by other White kids. I happen to be Black and I got bullied mostly by White kids. In middle school(especially 6th grade), I got bullied mostly by White kids. I remember maybe a few Black kids who bullied me. I was smaller than everyone, nerdy, naive, socially awkward, and came off as "soft". A few jocks messed with me. However, it was often skateboarders, and persons who basically didn't care to be at school.
High school was a bit different. I got bullied by more Black kids. I also got bullied by White kids. Some of the White kids who messed with me had the "redneck" subculture. I also ran into more racial intimidation than in middle school. A few kids threatened to "hang me from the end of their rope". Some kids made fun of me for "not being Black enough".
I got bullied by a few jocks. However, it was mainly trashy kids, both Black and White, who were giving me problems. I remember one bully. He was a classic example of a bully. He was larger than some other kids. He messed with a few kids. However, he was also a jock. He played football. He messed with me, he messed with other kids. He didn't seem to care at off if he might get suspended from school. Actually, that was one thing I did notice. Many of the bullies rarely saw punishment. I ratted out a few bullies. One for stealing from me. Another one for breaking into my locker. What happened to them? Nothing.
I agree with you in principle, but it's not all that simple. Sometimes the bully is the first to claim they were the ones defending themselves against you, and without video surveillance to verify, the teacher/principal has to either choose a side or punish both parties using their own judgment or limited knowledge of each student.
And that poster was saying kids have to be taught to deal with bullies, not put up with them. Ideally, a parent shouldn't have to spend the time to teach this crap, "Here's what to do if someone without a brain starts antagonizing you". But in the real world, yeah, you have to either do that or accept the risk your kid's going to be bullied. That's not to exonerate the bully; they should be punished and corrected ASAP. But in the meantime, you have to keep your own kid from allowing himself to be a victim, the best you can.
Actually, you just mentioned something that did happen to me. I had some social awkwardness issues, and basically, I was a kid who hard a hard time relating to other kids or get along with other kids. Being a bit nerdy in a place where there basically was no known "nerds" crowd to speak of, it made things difficult. Sometimes bullies would say things like "this kid is a problem" in order to justify their bullying. I remember getting jumped in a classroom by two boys. As soon as they heard the teacher was coming, they ran out of the room. Burden of proof is on you. And my concern is that these kids might lie and try to make it look like I did something wrong.
I look at it like this. How does a kid keep himself from being bullied without consequences happening to him? If you can't fight back without getting punished, if the bully won't be punished, then what else is there than putting up with a bully? That is basically what it amounts to.
This is the deal. I should not have to put up with crap in the workplace. One is there to work, not get harassed. One is in school to get an education, not get harassed and beaten up.
A person should not have to learn to put up with anything. A person should either be allowed to fight back and absolutely NO PUNISHMENT for it, or if the odds are against that person, getting the proper authorities on that bully. I am calling for peace and order. Bullies should be handled and sanctioned quickly.
You are right, you shouldn't have to put up with the crap in the work place, nor should you have to while in school.
I am not saying put up with it, What I am saying is, you have to learn how to deal with it though. It IS part of growing up. If you do not learn how to deal with it, then what?
You are right, you shouldn't have to put up with the crap in the work place, nor should you have to while in school.
I am not saying put up with it, What I am saying is, you have to learn how to deal with it though. It IS part of growing up. If you do not learn how to deal with it, then what?
And how does one deal with it?
Keeping a stiff upper lip, turning the other cheek, asking them to stop and ratting them out (often) doesn't work and in neither the work place or school you cannot slap the person for it.
I think "bully" is such a generic term that encompasses way too many things.
Are we talking about assault? Verbal insults? Sexual harassment? Racial harassment?
There are so many degrees and so many different forms.
I think the term is overused. One of my neighbors was complaining that her daughter was being "bullied". When I asked her for details, it turns out that the cool clique of girls at school won't let her daughter hang out with them. Really? THAT'S bullying? I think accusations like this are a distraction from actual bullying.
And how does one deal with it?
Keeping a stiff upper lip, turning the other cheek, asking them to stop and ratting them out (often) doesn't work and in neither the work place or school you cannot slap the person for it.
You deal with it by finding a way to make it stop. I actually remember one bully, and I remember telling him, that if he kept it up, bad things would happen to him. He laughed me off, till he found his locker glued shut, the teacher's books in his desk, etc. Things just kept happening to him, teachers starting watching him, and eventually he was caught. It was all because, myself and several others, made HIM the target, and made it obvious to everyone, that things always happened when HE was around.
It all happened, because we used our brains.
In the OTHER case, I decked the bully. He never bullied me again. I got suspended for 3 days, my dad took me out for a steak dinner once he heard what happened and why I was suspended.
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