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I don't see how he mis-characterized himself at all. Men and women have sex and perform sexual acts on each other.
So I honestly don't understand what you are getting at in regards to him not respecting women when he did respect this woman and didn't take advantage of her.
It is silly IMO to act like he is some sleaze or predator of some sort when the anonymous woman did not portray him IMO as someone who was sleazy. He was just a regular guy on a date.
I'll note, I'm a woman and it is important IMO for us women to be very direct with men. Men are not mind reading saints and some women playfully act like they don't want to have sex or participate in a sexual act when they may very well want to. That sends mixed signals to a guy. I'll be honest and state that when it comes to most sexual things, I don't think men "think" with their big heads when they are in the moment. If you go down on a guy, like this girl did, sorry but you are sending signals that you are into engaging in a sexual act or having sex with a guy.
This is one of the reasons why I encourage all girls/young women to be VERY direct about what you want and don't want. You may have to be direct more than once. Her being wishy washy, I could see would be confusing for him. But note, I realize this young woman is only 22-23 years old. Our society teaches girls to be sweet and demure and so she may not realize that she has all the power over her body and that she needs to be direct. She is very lucky that she was with a guy like Ansari, a guy who is not a sleaze or a rapist who may have actually assaulted her. And note, I also consider myself a feminist, but for me one of the biggest parts of being a feminist is empowering women not encouraging women to victimize themselves unnecessarily.
Last edited by Ibginnie; 01-29-2018 at 10:05 PM..
Reason: deleted quoted troll post
It boils down to this, if you are a man with money or a career in the public eye, you need to video tape every sexual encounter you have. Make them sign a contract that states that they agree to the video, and make them say on camera that they consent to the activity that they are about to engage in. If their not willing to do that, they can't be with you, period. That is the only way to get rid of this foolishness.
This actually happened to me when I was in high school. A girl I had never been with, lied and said that I took advantage of her when she was asleep on the bus ( I played football, she was a cheerleader, we were coming back from a game). Fortunately for me, she actually made the mistake of telling the truth to her friend, who gave a statement to the police and cleared me. The girl was mad that I wouldn't date her and wanted to get back at me. I was arrested in school, put in jail and held for 3 weeks, over a lie. There wasn't any physical evidence, or witness statements. They just took her word because she was a girl.
I don't see how he mis-characterized himself at all. Men and women have sex and perform sexual acts on each other.
So I honestly don't understand what you are getting at in regards to him not respecting women when he did respect this woman and didn't take advantage of her.
It is silly IMO to act like he is some sleaze or predator of some sort when the anonymous woman did not portray him IMO as someone who was sleazy. He was just a regular guy on a date.
I'll note, I'm a woman and it is important IMO for us women to be very direct with men. Men are not mind reading saints and some women playfully act like they don't want to have sex or participate in a sexual act when they may very well want to. That sends mixed signals to a guy. I'll be honest and state that when it comes to most sexual things, I don't think men "think" with their big heads when they are in the moment. If you go down on a guy, like this girl did, sorry but you are sending signals that you are into engaging in a sexual act or having sex with a guy.
This is one of the reasons why I encourage all girls/young women to be VERY direct about what you want and don't want. You may have to be direct more than once. Her being wishy washy, I could see would be confusing for him. But note, I realize this young woman is only 22-23 years old. Our society teaches girls to be sweet and demure and so she may not realize that she has all the power over her body and that she needs to be direct. She is very lucky that she was with a guy like Ansari, a guy who is not a sleaze or a rapist who may have actually assaulted her. And note, I also consider myself a feminist, but for me one of the biggest parts of being a feminist is empowering women not encouraging women to victimize themselves unnecessarily.
I think I'd agree with you here. I do think it's funny that things backfired on him, but the mind reader thing is very true.
As a guy, you have to take risks and go for it sometimes, or else she might think you're afraid, inexperienced, etc. and lose interest. The girl will almost never tell you what she wants because she doesn't want to be seen as "that kind of girl", so you have try to read and interpret a lot of little clues and hope you don't mess up...and you risk losing the girl if you're too cautious.
It's frustrating for both sides. On a logical level, I think both want to be direct and forget the games. I don't think it works that way on an emotional level, especially for women, and that's not really something you can control. It's a mind vs. emotion thing.
I don't see how he mis-characterized himself at all. Men and women have sex and perform sexual acts on each other.
So I honestly don't understand what you are getting at in regards to him not respecting women when he did respect this woman and didn't take advantage of her.
It is silly IMO to act like he is some sleaze or predator of some sort when the anonymous woman did not portray him IMO as someone who was sleazy. He was just a regular guy on a date.
I'll note, I'm a woman and it is important IMO for us women to be very direct with men. Men are not mind reading saints and some women playfully act like they don't want to have sex or participate in a sexual act when they may very well want to. That sends mixed signals to a guy. I'll be honest and state that when it comes to most sexual things, I don't think men "think" with their big heads when they are in the moment. If you go down on a guy, like this girl did, sorry but you are sending signals that you are into engaging in a sexual act or having sex with a guy.
This is one of the reasons why I encourage all girls/young women to be VERY direct about what you want and don't want. You may have to be direct more than once. Her being wishy washy, I could see would be confusing for him. But note, I realize this young woman is only 22-23 years old. Our society teaches girls to be sweet and demure and so she may not realize that she has all the power over her body and that she needs to be direct. She is very lucky that she was with a guy like Ansari, a guy who is not a sleaze or a rapist who may have actually assaulted her. And note, I also consider myself a feminist, but for me one of the biggest parts of being a feminist is empowering women not encouraging women to victimize themselves unnecessarily.
Exactly! I feel for this girl, but who told her saying let’s take it slow is tantamount to saying no? Guys don’t read non-verbal cues very well. Most men would take no for an answer, but you’ve got to actually say no. And it wouldn’t hurt to say I don’t want to go to your apartment because I’m not interested in sex on a first date. The guy will either respect that or never call you again, and if it’s the latter then who needs ‘em anyway?
I don't see how he mis-characterized himself at all. Men and women have sex and perform sexual acts on each other.
So I honestly don't understand what you are getting at in regards to him not respecting women when he did respect this woman and didn't take advantage of her.
It is silly IMO to act like he is some sleaze or predator of some sort when the anonymous woman did not portray him IMO as someone who was sleazy. He was just a regular guy on a date.
.
Are we at a point now in society where it is actually weird for a guy to be a gentleman on a date...?
She clearly expected him to be that but went along with some sexual activity with him anyway. Even then she tried to slow the date down but he kept shoving his fingers in her mouth and crazy stuff. AFTER she said she wasn't into it. If this is normal behavior on a date now I'm glad I'm not dating.
The twenty three year old woman thought Aziz would be a nice older enlightened man who would be more interesting and respectful than a college frat guy. That is a common mistake young women make, older men are often just older, wealthier versions of horny teenage boys.
Are we at a point now in society where it is actually weird for a guy to be a gentleman on a date...?
She clearly expected him to be that but went along with some sexual activity with him anyway. Even then she tried to slow the date down but he kept shoving his fingers in her mouth and crazy stuff. AFTER she said she wasn't into it. If this is normal behavior on a date now I'm glad I'm not dating.
The twenty three year old woman thought Aziz would be a nice older enlightened man who would be more interesting and respectful than a college frat guy. That is a common mistake young women make, older men are often just older, wealthier versions of horny teenage boys.
IMO he actually was a gentleman. He took her out on a nice date and when it was evident that she didn't want to engage in a sexual act, he made sure she got home safe.
She is the one who was not clear in regards to the sexual activity. He was very clear. She was wishy washy. Again, you don't perform oral sex with a guy who you want to "slow down" with. And again, I feel for her, but he didn't do anything outrageous. He didn't attack her. He didn't rape her and he made sure she got home safely.
I understand her age and her just not being confident enough to stick up for herself. I was that age as well and similar to that at her age but I learned that with 95% of guys, and 95% of guys are decent guys - that if you say "no I don't want to do this" or "I just want to watch TV/talk" they will be okay with that and will stop with the sexual stuff.
I don't see how he mis-characterized himself at all. Men and women have sex and perform sexual acts on each other.
So I honestly don't understand what you are getting at in regards to him not respecting women when he did respect this woman and didn't take advantage of her.
It is silly IMO to act like he is some sleaze or predator of some sort when the anonymous woman did not portray him IMO as someone who was sleazy. He was just a regular guy on a date.
I'll note, I'm a woman and it is important IMO for us women to be very direct with men. Men are not mind reading saints and some women playfully act like they don't want to have sex or participate in a sexual act when they may very well want to. That sends mixed signals to a guy. I'll be honest and state that when it comes to most sexual things, I don't think men "think" with their big heads when they are in the moment. If you go down on a guy, like this girl did, sorry but you are sending signals that you are into engaging in a sexual act or having sex with a guy.
This is one of the reasons why I encourage all girls/young women to be VERY direct about what you want and don't want. You may have to be direct more than once. Her being wishy washy, I could see would be confusing for him. But note, I realize this young woman is only 22-23 years old. Our society teaches girls to be sweet and demure and so she may not realize that she has all the power over her body and that she needs to be direct. She is very lucky that she was with a guy like Ansari, a guy who is not a sleaze or a rapist who may have actually assaulted her. And note, I also consider myself a feminist, but for me one of the biggest parts of being a feminist is empowering women not encouraging women to victimize themselves unnecessarily.
Near strangers. First date. Some alcohol involved. She chose to go back to his apartment. I suspect most men would interpret this as the woman is open to taking the evening further. No clue what she was thinking. Obvious, there was no discussion.
Why did she choose to perform oral sex which sends a message she is open to more?
I wonder if her ego was bruised when he called an Uber to take her home when she declined intercourse. Perhaps he felt she led him on. And perhaps she did or changed her mind.
Being a feminist is taking responsibility for oneself. If one is not interested in sex with a near stranger, one does not go home with the near stranger.
It boils down to this, if you are a man with money or a career in the public eye, you need to video tape every sexual encounter you have. Make them sign a contract that states that they agree to the video, and make them say on camera that they consent to the activity that they are about to engage in. If their not willing to do that, they can't be with you, period. That is the only way to get rid of this foolishness.
A ton of rock stars did this back in the 80s. David Lee Roth being one of the more famous. He got hit with one bogus palimony suit, and after that he took a gazillion legal protections, one of which was witnesses that the girl agreed to and acknowledged in a legal document. And it became a thing to have groupies/band-aids sign all manner of waivers and legal disclaimers before getting near these people.
Everyone is eventually headed that way with this #metoo hysteria.
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