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I'm a woman in my mid 20s with more moderate-right political views. Maybe I should move away to the south, not sure. I am registered on 2 dating sites and there are under 50 men within a 50 mile radius who meet my criteria so I'm wondering if it's a Portland issue. My criteria are as follows:
- No drugs (not even pot)
- Non-smoker
- Drinks never, rarely or only socially
- Non-religious or very open-minded Christian (I'm atheist)
- Does not have kids, but wants them
- Wants to settle down with "the one" and have a family life
- Doesn't want an open relationship and isn't bi or polyamorous
- Has more traditional views about marriage, children and sex
- Is a bigger guy that likes bigger women
Does this man exist in or around Portland outside of a church? If so, where can I find him? And if not, where should I relocate to? Thanks to everyone who replies.
I am so glad I dont date anymore. Unfortunately, (in my opinion) I think Portland is not a great place to meet men. I have a few friends who are also on dating sites and they are striking out too.
I'm a woman in my mid 20s with more moderate-right political views. Maybe I should move away to the south, not sure. I am registered on 2 dating sites and there are under 50 men within a 50 mile radius who meet my criteria so I'm wondering if it's a Portland issue. My criteria are as follows:
- No drugs (not even pot)
- Non-smoker
- Drinks never, rarely or only socially
- Non-religious or very open-minded Christian (I'm atheist)
- Does not have kids, but wants them
- Wants to settle down with "the one" and have a family life
- Doesn't want an open relationship and isn't bi or polyamorous
- Has more traditional views about marriage, children and sex
- Is a bigger guy that likes bigger women
Does this man exist in or around Portland outside of a church? If so, where can I find him? And if not, where should I relocate to? Thanks to everyone who replies.
Men are visual creatures, are you including a photo within your dating profile? And if so (and I know this will sound piggish and shallow) but are you including an accurate depiction (recent, full-body shot, etc.)?
It may not so much be a problem with Portland as it is a problem with how you're selling yourself. You also don't mention a lot about what you like to do for fun. Most of your profile talks about what you can't tolerate (drugs, much drinking, poly-amorous sex, you want to settle down, etc.) These are things your average mid-20s male will gloss over and move on from. You're really banging the "conservative" drum too hard. You don't need to change who you are, and be poly-amorous or tolerate cheating (almost all women feel the way you do), but that shouldn't be the flag you throw up to try and lure in a date.
No offense, but when dudes are sifting through a stack of online dating profiles, the "bigger woman who doesn't drink, smoke weed, like kinky sex, and who wants to find marriage material ASAP" isn't going to jump out.
Make yourself look more fun. Dress up sexy, and put up an accurate picture (be confident in how you look). Don't try to look slutty, as that will only pull in the scumbags. Find a candid photo of yourself in a fun environment, with friends, etc. (solo camera-phone self-portraits are an instant clue you're lonely, and desperate. Don't project that.) Dudes will get jealous of a broad they don't know, so portray yourself as someone with lots of friends, especially dudes.
Portland is a big, relatively young city, there's nothing that leads me to think anyone should have trouble hooking up unless they advertise themselves poorly.
I think you may want to give Disneyland a shot. Your criteria is basically fantasy man.
But in all seriousness, no I don't think you'll find this guy in Portland. Especially with such a narrow set of criteria that he must meet. I may be coming off a bit harsh but the right-leaning attitude, the non-drinker, non-smoker thing, the "wants to have kids and settle down"... I don't think that's the general attitude of guys here. I may be wrong, but I'm also a guy who lives in Portland and I don't fit the bill.
On the larger lady thing though, don't sweat it. If you're a good person guys in Portland will give you a shot.
On the relocation front, what you're looking for may be in the south. Atlanta? Alabama? Just a thought...
Based on your requirements, I feel that you are drastically reducing your potential dating pool. For various reasons, each of your requirements carves out quite a large number of people, but I'm sure you already know that. Your typical 20-something Portland guy isn't going to be marriage minded, liberal views (and economic reasons,) preclude traditional views on marriage, children and sex. The United States now has more unmarried long term couples with children then married couples with children for instance.
The good news is that we (Portland area) do have a sizeable geek population due to all the high-tech companies around, so once you can find them, there is a good chance of snagging yourself a guy. But, as a geek myself, dating geeks is a huge challenge. You HAVE to be OK with being forced to watch Sci-Fi movies, and being subjected to long boring tales about the latest achievements in World of Warcraft. Or being cajoled into joining the guys for late night DnD sessions. There are entire web sites dedicated to the subject of non-Geeky girls dating Geeky guys.
Dating in Portland is exactly like Job Hunting in Portland. You need to Network and put yourself out there. Join Social groups from Meetup.com. Put yourself on all the dating websites with GOOD pictures, not mediocre camera phone pictures. Go to a Timber's game. Join a club or two that interests you. Get your friends to set you up with guys. Go to Karaoke bars. Get a bike and join one of the multiple cycling groups.
Also, any woman who actually thinks she needs to move away from a metro area of 2 million people merely because she can't find a date is probably coming off desperate to guys, and is striking out a lot.
Focus on improving yourself for awhile, and you'll probably stumble onto that guy who fits most of your criteria. Develop your career, get in shape, read, etc. Become interesting, and work on your appearance.
You'll never find the right guy who fits ALL of it. Get past that one right now.
Really good advice from the men on here. Pretty accurate, I think. I am a married mother in my 40's but I had a lot of boyfriends in my life and I never came out with "the list", so to speak. It's kind of obvious since polygamy is not an accepted norm here that you are not into it. Like you don't have to say you are not into beastiality because that is a given. If it's not and you find out... run for the hills! Seriously, I always find that women and men want many of the same things and we are all individuals. Treat dating as you would beginning a friendship. Let it unfold naturally and don't project too much onto a date... that usually freaks people out- NOT JUST MEN! However, you may want to put yourself in the right environments if you want to avoid drinkers and liberals because PDX attracts both in large numbers. Interesting thing about demographics though is you still have to realize that you can meet someone special anywhere regardless of what numbers say. I grew up in S.F. and lived in Berkeley for college then the city till the mid 90's and the large population of gay men never made a bit of difference to the dating scene my friends and I were involved in. In Boston and New York there is quite a bi of competition for "a good catch" but again, most of my female friends saw themselves as individuals, not statistics, and they are all married with kids. Some still live in Manhattan or Brooklyn but most moved o Montclair, N.J. or Connecticut, or up state. Point is you can meet someone anywhere and you both may move on someplace else. Portland could be the place for you but I wouldn't move out of here because it's hard to find a date. Good luck!
Also, any woman who actually thinks she needs to move away from a metro area of 2 million people merely because she can't find a date is probably coming off desperate to guys, and is striking out a lot.
Well I'm not exactly desperate. I've been single for around 2 years now because I did take time out to improve myself and enjoy the single life. Now it's time to date again and I know exactly what I'm looking for and I don't think I can compromise on any of my criteria.
I simply cannot compromise on the drugs or amount of drinking. I'm not going to try to "snag" a guy who isn't already thinking about finding someone to settle down with because that is a very unhealthy situation to bring children into. It sets up the children to be fatherless and I won't be a single mom. I will not have children outside of wedlock. I can't date someone who is bisexual or polyamorous or who wants an open relationship. Can't compromise on the values aspect. The only single area I can be slightly flexible with is the part about whether or not he has kids. If he is the right one for me and he does have kids there might be a way to make it work.
Recently I read some reports about non-marital childbearing and divorce and it turns out that everyone loses when this happens. Children from single-parent or divorced households have higher rates of dropping out of school, joining gangs, committing crimes, etc. and are generally at a lower socioeconomic status. Moms and dads suffer psychological and emotional stress due to the situation and become "single" again. About a third of all kids are from single-parent households now and another third are from divorced households and these children are probably going to repeat the cycle.
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Focus on improving yourself for awhile, and you'll probably stumble onto that guy who fits most of your criteria. Develop your career, get in shape, read, etc. Become interesting, and work on your appearance.
You'll never find the right guy who fits ALL of it. Get past that one right now.
I have been and am still continuing to work on who I am but I am not interested in meeting someone who fits most of my criteria--only someone who meets all of them or all but the kid one.
Also, there is this assumption and general attitude out there that the reason one does not meeting someone right for them is due some problem with themselves: that they're somehow not good enough as-is, that they need to "work on" or "improve" themselves in some way to be worthy of what they're asking for. Let me tell you about me:
I have a college degree (science not arts). I'm an entrepreneur. I stay in shape by going for walks almost daily. I'm a geeky person who loves to read all types of non-fiction and some fiction like comic books and I do like geeky men. I can cook and bake just about anything and it turns out very good 99.99% of the time. Even though I'm larger, I'm attractive because I have curves in the right areas and I have a cute face. I'm not a spoiled princess who expects everything to be done for her; I do my fair share and help out where and when I can; I'm not afraid of working and doing chores. I also pay for half of cost of any date I go on. I'm into many things that men are: sci-fi, computer games, taking things apart and fixing them (which is what I do as an entrepreneur), some web design, learning how things work.
Certainly there are areas in my life that I need to work on or improve, but I will be doing these for myself on my own timescale, not to become worthy of someone out there on the dating scene.
In my experience, it's the people who concentrate on finding someone who fits some pre conceived notion of who they think they want that have the most trouble. If you stop looking, and start living, you'll have a much better chance. It will happen when you least expect it.
This has been my experience and the experience of many people I know. Get out and do stuff you like, and you may find you meet men who like the same things you do.
P.S.--I think one issue you may run into is that many of the men who fit most of your bill are also going to be on the religious side.
Men are visual creatures, are you including a photo within your dating profile? And if so (and I know this will sound piggish and shallow) but are you including an accurate depiction (recent, full-body shot, etc.)?
Yes I do have very recent (within 1 month) photos that show my face and I have full body shots as well.
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It may not so much be a problem with Portland as it is a problem with how you're selling yourself. You also don't mention a lot about what you like to do for fun.
This isn't a dating site; I am not here to find men to date. If that were the case, I would have just copied and pasted my dating ad here.
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Most of your profile talks about what you can't tolerate (drugs, much drinking, poly-amorous sex, you want to settle down, etc.) These are things your average mid-20s male will gloss over and move on from.
Rest assured that my profile on the dating sites looks very different from what I wrote here, but is still accurate.
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