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You are correct, "can't" is not the right word. It is difficult. It is not impossible.
I disagree that it's "choosing a cigarette over your child", although that makes for a nice dramatic turn of phrase on a message board. It is taking a risk, though, and in spite of all the things that can happen to a pregnant smoker or that create higher risks in pregnancy compared to that of non-smokers, the odds are still on your side that the baby will be fine.
I'm sorry you feel I was not properly equipped to be a parent. Of course, what you, who do not know me or my daughter, may feel did not make a lick of difference. Despite my former addiction to nicotine, my daughter grew up to be quite a compassionate, logical person who is more intelligent than most of the other 20-year-olds I know. She speaks three languages fluently, including Mandarin, and just returned from four months in China, where, apparently, EVERYONE smokes. She, however, does not smoke, and probably never will. She's also very open-minded about people who are different from her, and tries very hard not to be judgmental toward others. For the child of someone who was not, in your judgment, equipped to be a parent, she turned out pretty well. Must've been an accident.
Well said! Having been there, done that, I couldn't agree with you more
I've known plenty. I'm related to plenty (the part of my extended family whom my kids have never met). They always seemed to be the ones who had 'complications'. Their babies seemed more problematic. The kids seem to grow into inferior adults: smaller (alternately, obese), less attractive, with subtle cognitive and behavioral challenges. The ugly word for the poor kids would be 'losers'. Nobody asked to be born a loser.
What a horrible and selfish thing, to do something which will doom your child to a lifetime of inferiority.
If you want to give birth to losers, then by all means, smoke like a chimney. Chances are, the kids will not have noticeable birth defects. They probably won't be 'retarded'. They just won't look as good as the other kids. Their faces will be a little more lopsided. They will have a harder time doing math.
It's hard to separate the smoking from other factors like inferior genetics, drinking, improper diet, exposure to harmful chemicals, exposure to smoke after birth. I do have some friends from aristocratic families, though, who also have cousins who smoke and drink (in the Deep South, families seem to be divided into the wholesome healthy side and the degenerate substance-using side). These particular smokers eat 'Southern Gourmet', which is a reasonably healthy diet, and definitely do not have inferior genetics. But the degenerate sides of those families reliably produce crops of little losers. On the wholesome sides, the kids are pretty-much perfect: Gorgeous jocks who face the hard choice: Medicine, Law, or MBA (in order to helm the family corporations). The difference, in those families, between the offspring of smokers and those of non-smokers, is like night and day.
Just because a kid cannot clinically be labeled 'retarded' or 'handicapped', as the result of his mother's smoking, does not mean that he will be all that he would have been had she not smoked.
How about those of us who like me (heavily smoked 40 a day)through pregnancy, years ago? No one told me to stop. My kids are now parents of healthy children. Both my children were above average weight at birth, have never had any health problems and are above average in intelligence. What do you think went wrong that they were born so normal? My babies even slept in my bed-room when small and I had problems sleeping so used to carry on smoking at night. They are both still healthy, one in his fifties and one in her forties
I smoked all the way through my two pregnancies. Forty cigarettes a day! Nobody told me not to! My eldest child is in his fifties, he has no health problems and is in fact a smoker. My daughter is in her mid forties, once again no health problems and is a non smoker. Heavy smokers are supposed to have small babies. Mine weighed nine and eight pounds respectively, the smaller one as her birth was induced early because of her size. I am not condoning smoking in pregnancy just replying to the post. All the way through my pregnancy with my daughter I was prescribed (and took) barbiturates, tranquilisers and anti depressants. My daughter was born perfect (thank God) Was I just lucky? Incidentally both my children went on to have two perfect healthy children each.
Given the risks associated with prenatal smoking, I would say that you and your kids are indeed lucky...
Understand that a risk is not a guarantee that something will happen.
If you cross a busy street without looking both ways first, there is a good chance that you will wind up getting hurt. Even if you do manage to safely cross the street without looking first, the fact that you did not get hurt does not mean that it is a good idea for you to cross the street without looking first. It simply means that you lucked out. KWIM?
I know, I knew women who had morning sickness but smoking didn't bother them. It just surprises me that there was a time when most pregnant women smoked and/or drank alcohol.
In my case, I really didn't have much in the way of morning sickness. But I did have certain (really strong!) food and odor aversions. I could be stopped at a light in my car with the windows rolled up and if someone in a nearby car was smoking, I'd smell it and feel kind of queezy.
It's weird to crave a cigarette (or at least the nicotine) and also have an intense aversion to them - but that's what it was like for me. I guess in a weird way I was lucky because it made quitting pretty easy for me.
Well, I didn't drink while pregnant, just smoked heavily. Surprising thing is I never ever had sickness of any kind! I felt fit as a fiddle all the way through my pregnancies
Well, I didn't drink while pregnant, just smoked heavily. Surprising thing is I never ever had sickness of any kind! I felt fit as a fiddle all the way through my pregnancies
I believe you. I suppose there are exceptions to every rule.
But most people, pregnant or not, could not smoke 40+ cigarettes a day and still feel fit as a fiddle. I know I couldn't!
I believe you. I suppose there are exceptions to every rule.
But most people, pregnant or not, could not smoke 40+ cigarettes a day and still feel fit as a fiddle. I know I couldn't!
Well, I did! Only stopped smoking 40+ a day four years ago and as my eldest is in his fifties you can guess my age. I can still run up the flight of stairs to my bed-room and walk briskly up two flights of stairs without getting out of breathe. In fact, have just bought a tread mill to improve my health but then I do live in the U.K. and we're inclined to ignore the odd ache or pain
Given the risks associated with prenatal smoking, I would say that you and your kids are indeed lucky...
Understand that a risk is not a guarantee that something will happen.
If you cross a busy street without looking both ways first, there is a good chance that you will wind up getting hurt. Even if you do manage to safely cross the street without looking first, the fact that you did not get hurt does not mean that it is a good idea for you to cross the street without looking first. It simply means that you lucked out. KWIM?
And another way to look at it:
How many people who get hurt crossing the street did not look both ways first?
If you look at children who do have some problems, you are likely to find a higher rate of smoking during pregnancy.
If you do not smoke during pregnancy, then you eliminate the risk. That includes avoiding second hand smoke. And now there is concern that the chemicals from cigarette smoke that saturate the surfaces of living spaces can also be a health hazard.
Exactly. It is the addiction. Willpower is lovely and simple-sounding thing in theory, but when you are in withdrawal from nicotine and that horrible, dark depression descends upon you, coupled with increased anxiety on top of the fear and ambiguity that come with a new pregnancy, logic and "willpower" fly away.
I doubt anyone exists who would defend smoking while pregnant as a good thing, and it's always so much fun to sneer judgmentally at others, but quitting smoking is not as simple a matter as you can fit in a message board box.
This is why I quit before we started trying. If I couldn't do it sans the stress of a pregnancy, there'd be no way I could once pregnant. I have to admit to craving cigarettes while I was pregnant. I found that whenever I faced a situation for the first time after I quit, beit 1 week, or 5 years later, the old cravings came back. To quit, you have to practice not smoking in each situation until you don't crave a cigarette anymore. So, I had to fight it again when I found out I was pregnant but I had some really strong motivation then.
I understand how hard it is to quit. I did it. But I can't understand wanting to protect your baby not being enough motivation to quit. I had tried to quit a half dozen times before we decided to try for a baby. That time was different. There was, potentially, someone else on the line.
Given the risks associated with prenatal smoking, I would say that you and your kids are indeed lucky...
Understand that a risk is not a guarantee that something will happen.
If you cross a busy street without looking both ways first, there is a good chance that you will wind up getting hurt. Even if you do manage to safely cross the street without looking first, the fact that you did not get hurt does not mean that it is a good idea for you to cross the street without looking first. It simply means that you lucked out. KWIM?
Not really. The risks are fairly low--but they are higher, of course, compared to someone who doesn't smoke at all.
The street analogy only works if you consider a lot of other factors. If I cross the street in front of my house without looking both ways, chances are I'll be fine. There's only one road in/out of this area and hardly any traffic. If I cross the street where I work, that's a different story. It's an urban area, and not only are there cars and buses, there is a train (light rail) in the street.
Same with smoking. Overall health and other habits also have to be factored in.
However, there's another factor here. If any of you have read Malcolm Gladwell's book The Tipping Point, you are aware of the attention he gives to why teenagers smoke when there is so much knowledge now as to the detrimental effects. Much of it is peer pressure and wanting to belong. No surprise--that's why I started smoking. But also, smokers are by nature risk-takers, more so than the rest of the population. So, while it's easy for a non-smoker to say, "well, I didn't smoke because of XYZ," they are likely coming from a different life POV in the first place than the smoker.
Also--if a smoker looked around and saw that the children of fellow smokers all seemed to be defective in some way, it might give them more pause. But, they aren't. My sisters and some of my friends smoked and nothing was wrong with their kids. I knew intellectually that it was bad to smoke, and I cut down as much as possible out of guilt and tried to smoke only to keep the withdrawal at bay, but in my subconscious, I'm sure that knowing smoking didn't really do as much harm as was claimed had something to do with putting that worry aside compared to all the other, more immediate issues that were going on in my life at the time.
I do enjoy gambling from time to time, so I guess I am a risk-taker to some degree.
Yes. I know tons of people who smoked during their pregnancy. And around their children. Then they fret when the kid gets lots of colds and ear infections and asthma and allergies, etc.
I can't believe you are so worried about your kid that you rush them to the ER every two seconds when you are not worried about them enough not to smoke around them (or just effin' quit).
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