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It's probably not because he is a jerk, but because he is fun and outgoing.
I'm nice, and I get lots of attention. I try to fun, outgoing (more of a strain because I'm an introvert, which fact usually causes people to laugh hysterically).... if I'm just "nice".... I would be boring.
I knew a beautiful, well put together woman who was NICE, NICE, NICE. Every day was wonderful, never, EVER had a bad word to say about anyone, never a grumpy day.
I couldn't stand talking to her, it was ALL niceties. It was inane. I swear she had to be on medication. She had no hobbies, no boyfriend... it was like a cut out person... no substance.
Why do men have to be confident/assertive to get women attracted? Women don't have to be confident/assertive to attract men.
I mean, who is truly confident?
For some men, they do. My SO can't stand wall flowers - he likes equals.
But everyone has their preferences and there's nothing wrong with that.
But please men, there's been of rash of statements that women don't have to do anything to attract a man besides have a v@gina. Don't advertise you have no standards. I'm losing faith in the next generation.
i swear, it seems every person who's got an abrasive personality has more success with people than folks like me. not just success with women but people in general. for instance one of my housemates is a bit of a total prick to everybody (though I'd say we're friends with each other), yet girls are all over him and people confide in him when they want to talk about personal problems. what the ****?!?!?!? why the hell is it that it's always people like that who seem to attract folks?
i should just start being a douche to every single person I meet. maybe that'll work. god damn it.
yes this is a somewhat alcohol-fueled post.
What makes you think attention from people is a reward?
For some men, they do. My SO can't stand wall flowers - he likes equals.
But everyone has their preferences and there's nothing wrong with that.
But please men, there's been of rash of statements that women don't have to do anything to attract a man besides have a v@gina. Don't advertise you have no standards. I'm losing faith in the next generation.
It has always been the case. Chris Rock made the famous joke in the 90s that every woman bumps into at least three guys who'd take an offer for sex in a heartbeat per day. It isn't that every man has no standards but that a large percentage either doesn't and/or are dogs.
God, not another one of these "Why do women love bad boys and not nice guys like me...." threads.
Women don't ignore nice guys. They just like men who relish their lives, say what they think, and have backbones. Doesn't mean they're not nice guys. They just don't treat women with the kind of deference one would give an annoyed tarantula.
Let's look at it this way, using ice cream as an example. If you polled 100 people, how many would choose vanilla as their favorite flavor?
That's because the watered-down vanilla served in America IS boring. Try putting enough vanilla in sometime (extra), then perhaps you might just choose it as your favorite.
It bears mentioning that changing your behavior to suit what you think other people want, if it goes against who you are, and seething resentfully under the surface when your act doesn't draw people to you doesn't = "being nice."
Too many people (guys) think that "being nice" means playing a fake role of what they think other people's (women's) perceptions of "nice" entail.
As for those of you who suggest it might not be my niceness/shyness/whatever, what the heck could it be then?
My guess is that you don't come across as a warm person maybe due to body language, voice inflection, etc. Maybe you come across as sterile even. Hard to say without actually witnessing you in action.
i think its the confidence & care-a-damn attitude that makes them attractive but its a short-term effect. The magic wont last long. Such people end up with the ones who have self-respect issues & like to be treated badly.
You can be nice, polite, confident & have certain standards so that u wont fall for anything & stand up for your values in a subtle, assertive way. Such types are the winners in the long run. Consider reading these books:
The Game by Neil Strauss (there was a show on vh1 about it - the pickup artist. The movie hitch & tv show how is met your mother's character Barney is based on this)
48 Laws of Power
The Art of Seduction (both books by Robert Greene)
You will get a clear idea about what makes such people so attractive
I've gotta say, it's related to personality commonalities. If someone is choosing to hang out with a**holes over nice people, it's because those people are probably a**holes too. A**holes - Ok, I'll change the word to pricks - Pricks are generally more "fun," sure, whatever, and many of them are the way they are because they realize they get what they want out of life being a prick. For some reason, many women are attracted to that type of personality because it shows he's a "go-getter", even if he's a prick at the same time. Plus, some times, the prick attitude is a front. They use it because they know it attracts people, but in another situation, the person could be genuinely nice, (although I'm wiling to bet this is rare).
Frankly, the way I see it, if girls are ignoring you because you're nice, then you're better off without them. Someday, another rare nice girl will come along and understand you and admire that you are different. Cause last I checked, I certainly found nothing attractive about pricks, and as many females age, they start to lose that attraction in them too, after making decades of mistakes of dating them.
With that said, I do have one issue with the notion of "nice" guys... they're usually really quiet and reserved. I like nice guys, heck, I married one, but at the same time, many of us ladies like a guy that can still take some initiative to keep us interested. It worked for ME to be that type of person, because, I'm a girl, and it's a gender stereotype with some truth to it (haha), but for dudes, you gotta step it up. Be nice, be considerate, but make the moves. Show interest. Tell jokes.
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