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Enablers and bullies frequently blame bullying and hateful feelings on the vague term insecurities. Has anyone ever analyzed this to understand what exact insecurities makes a person want to be sadistic, hateful, bigoted, antagonizing, and goading? And why exactly do the "insecurities" make this continue to occur. Can bullies answer this question? Is it insecurities or is it more a thrill addiction or more of a perversion or profound laziness or more to it? And how do these people succeed in the workplace (industrial psychology)?
I tend to disagree with the "insecurity" hypothesis, but I know my opinion is not the popular one. I think that most people who act like bullies are not suffering from a lack of self-esteem, but an inflated self-esteem.
Sure there might be a small proportion who are insecure and feel bad about themselves, and they choose to take this out on others, putting others down to prop themselves up and feel better. But the people I've met who are severe bullies--children, teens, and adults--are usually very narcissistic, with grandiose ideas about their own importance, specialness, and power. They continue to feel special and powerful by manipulating others, controling others, through fear or intimidation. Of course, my sample might not be a representative one--most of the "severe" bullies I've met have been in mental health treatment settings, after being sent in by others--schools, judges, POs, parents, spouses, other family members.
I think the old idea of the insecure bully with a low self esteem was just a nice thing a Dad on the Brady Bunch or Leave it to Beaver would say in a heart-to-heart father-son talk. Those who currently run the public school system remembered this idea from an Afterschool Special or something they watched in childhood, and structured today's anti-bullying programs based on that myth. Now schools are doing soooo much to boost kids' self esteem, and bullying is now worse than ever.
But again, I am in the minority in this opinion, at least in the world of mental health professionals and educators.
I believe that the insecurities that make a person want to be all those horrible things is the fear that someone will notice or center in all their (the bullies) short comings...maybe they have an abusive mother/father....maybe they don't feel they're as fine looking as you......maybe they're not doing well in schoolwork.....maybe they're parents have addictions..etc etc...Bullys seem to pick on people that they envy, or are jealous of in some way.....Insecurities make this continue because it's the only way that a bully can feel good about themselves...by putting someone else down...they want someone else to feel pain, instead of always them.....As for the workplace...be a bully at your own risk, I say....course I could be wrong..... cause in no way.... am I a bully.
See, I've rarely seen bullies targeting people they envy. If that's the case, then you 'might' have an insecure bully. But the bully usually targets people with some weakness (they are shy, small, socially awkward, different from the pack, not good at sports, etc.). In the adult world, it's often targeted at people the bully has power over already, or wants to have power over (boss>subordinates, dominate male over other males, dominate female over other females, abusive husband over wife).
Narcissism is at the root of bullying. Narcissists live to serve idealized self-images. They, in one way or another, tend to sacrifice others to those images. I think that the mythical tales of powerful people bathing in the blood of innocents is a metaphor for the way that Narcissists/Bullies destroy others to feed... what, exactly? What is it they are feeding with the destroyed lives of others?
Understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and you will understand at least one component (possibly the chief component) of Bullying.
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Originally Posted by GrandviewGloria
Narcissism is at the root of bullying. Narcissists live to serve idealized self-images. They, in one way or another, tend to sacrifice others to those images. I think that the mythical tales of powerful people bathing in the blood of innocents is a metaphor for the way that Narcissists/Bullies destroy others to feed... what, exactly? What is it they are feeding with the destroyed lives of others?
Understand Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and you will understand at least one component (possibly the chief component) of Bullying.
I find this definitely the case - inflating yourself above others and considering them somehow less worthy of your respect, even basic forms of respect. Plus there's the power tripping thing (often but not always the case). Finally, there's something I call "image bigotry" - i.e. looking down on people because they don't have "the right image". The latter, IMO, is definitely a factor in enabling bullying to occur - the masses are indifferent or in some cases even supportive of it.
Enablers and bullies frequently blame bullying and hateful feelings on the vague term insecurities. Has anyone ever analyzed this to understand what exact insecurities makes a person want to be sadistic, hateful, bigoted, antagonizing, and goading? And why exactly do the "insecurities" make this continue to occur. Can bullies answer this question? Is it insecurities or is it more a thrill addiction or more of a perversion or profound laziness or more to it? And how do these people succeed in the workplace (industrial psychology)?
bystanders have this tendancy to engage in the most political , diluted , watered down language when it comes to rationalising bullying , i once had an employer charechterise my relationship with a workplace supervisor bully as a " personality clash " , i felt like puking all over the spineless wimp when he shat our that piece of beauracratic babble , a personality clash involves equality of wrongdoing or at least an equilibrium of power between the sides , a bullying dynamic rarely involves two equal rank individuals
I find this definitely the case - inflating yourself above others and considering them somehow less worthy of your respect, even basic forms of respect. Plus there's the power tripping thing (often but not always the case). Finally, there's something I call "image bigotry" - i.e. looking down on people because they don't have "the right image". The latter, IMO, is definitely a factor in enabling bullying to occur - the masses are indifferent or in some cases even supportive of it.
i was severly bullied by a female supervisor while overseas as a twenty year old , the level of verbal savagery and vitriol directed my way for several months was off the chart , this charming individual once uttered the following straight to my face " give me one reason why i shouldnt treat you like sh1t " , the level of arrogance required to ask such a question is impossible for me to get my head around , this person was also a sectarian bigot , a scots presbyterian where as i was a catholic at the time , so they clearly saw themselves as inherently superior to me
i dont know if all bullys are lacking in self esteem but i firmly believe that all bullies are incredibly arrogant
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