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I've dealt with a couple of psychopaths over the years. One in particular goes a long way back with me; when he was young, I hired him briefly, and 20 years later I ended up working under him for a slightly longer time, even though I cautioned my boss that he wasn't to be trusted.
Here are a few things I learned:
1. Like the man said, don't become intimidated. Bullying is just one of their tactics, and they have a keen sense of just how far they can go with intimidation. If one lets them know right up front that they won't be bullied and will take steps if it happens, a psychopath will most often drop it and look for someone else who is easier pickings.
The hard part is not returning antagonism with antagonism. Psychopaths want to escalate hostile situations as a way to gain advantage in some way.
2. Do not loan them anything. No money, no tools, nothing. Ever. You'll never get it back. Ever. They are good at making payback a situation where they can gain some advantage or other.
3. Do not accept anything from them. No special favors, no money (which is seldom offered anyway), or anything that is outside of the normal bounds of business or acquaintance. Once a person is beholden in any way, no matter how minor, they will push the limits and will try to get much more than they ever offer.
4. Consider anything that smells in the least fishy a lie. They are always found out by their lies, and the lies always start small and lead to bigger, more complicated lies. Most promises are lies. Most lies have some element of betterment for them, and not for their employers, acquaintances, or anyone else. This is always the giveaway.
5. Remember that few things stick to a psychopath. They leave things and people behind with no second thoughts when they move on, and they're always restlessly moving around. They know better than anyone who they can pass blame onto others for the damage they created. Most of the time, others catch the problems, or the blame, or the monetary and/or reputation damage.
If a person remains a placid rock that they can't break or move, when they move on they won't have anything that can cause that person much personal damage. Cooperation with them that is in the least out of normal bounds will always bring some consequence or other coming back on the person. Make sure it's not you who gets the consequences.
Last edited by banjomike; 12-25-2013 at 11:36 PM..
"Psychopath" implies a violent component to me, at least in our common usage. Serial killers are generally described as psychopaths.
Psychos can lose total touch with reality - their thoughts almost exist on another plane. Socios flirt on the edge but losing touch with humanity to the point of malevolent insanity is psycho.
A lot of regular people walking the streets merely need some component to pull the trigger and they can become ballistic. We have all seen it. That is commonly termed as temporary insanity but...is it temporary and is it possible to happen again?
I think to beat a psychopath you need to be a psychopath. Otherwise, if you're a good decent empathetic person you're likely to be drawn in by a psychopath's surface charm and manipulative ways, not even knowing what you're dealing with.
once you detect a psycopath just stay as far away as you can nothing ever comes from dealing with them.
Just don't have them in your life. Makes things a lot simpler.
Except that it's not like psychopaths have a sign hanging over their heads with PSYCHOPATH written in capital letters.
I was burnt by one for 2 years. He was very good at what he did. Psychopaths know how to read emotions better than anyone else. They will mirror you in order to make you feel comfortable enough to open up to them and to gain your trust. They are charming and manipulative and some of them are VERY GOOD liars. After they are done using you, they just discard you and walk away.
I was in shock after things happened because I never saw it coming. He realized he couldn't get more money out of me anymore so he left...Only after ruining my credit - he took two month's worth of rent money and went shopping for gifts for himself and friends and hid the eviction notes we got in the mail. He hid the eviction paperwork for several weeks. I only found out we were being evicted because I decided to get the mail one day after getting home from work. He bought himself a PS3 and said it had been a gift from his bother. He went as far as getting a gift bag for it to make it look like it was a gift! Then tried to tell me he did pay the rent and the money had gone to a different bank account. He lied to the landlord, his family. Psychopaths are pathological liars.
He is from the Boston area (like me) and went as far as getting a shamrock tattooed on his calf with the colors of the Irish flag....and started telling people he was Irish. He wore shirts with "Ireland" and "Irish" written on it. His Army buddies who served with him for several years knew him as "Irish"...and so did I. Problem is, he has not an OUNCE of Irish blood. His own family told me that. They all hail from Canada and England and he -knew- this. It's not like it was some big family secret so they were a little shocked when he got the tattoo.
After everything happened, I started reading about mental disorders and realized he has ALL...not some but ALL traits of a psychopath. We got into a custody dispute over our daughter and he was ordered to undergo a psychiatric evaluation and mental health counseling. He needs to do that in order to see our daughter. He refuses to, even tried to fool us one time by saying he had gone to the local hospital and checked himself in for a psych eval but all they did was give him a stress test. LOL. I nearly died laughing when I heard that. He is SO dumb he thinks a "stress test" is for stress.... He didn't bother even doing any research on the subject. He obviously got caught. I work in a healthcare setting.
I have been reading so many books in order to understand what the hell happened to me. I am starting therapy next month. It has taken me over a year and a half to decide to do that. Psychopaths ruin other people's lives and they have no conscience.
Oh by the way, I suggest reading "Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us" By Robert Hare, "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout and "Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, & Other Toxic People" by Peace.
Last edited by KickAssArmyChick; 04-06-2014 at 02:37 PM..
I'm overly familiar with psychopathy/sociopathy and, they avoid mental health professionals for good reason, sort of like a vampire avoiding a cross! If they go, they just play games with the therapist. Sadly, they can be clever enough to deceive in some cases. Because they don't "attach", everything is about winning and controlling. They don't mellow when they age either. Anyone that has dealt with or is dealing with one has my deepest sympathy and understanding.
Just don't have them in your life. Makes things a lot simpler.
What if it's your own mother! Mine is a psychopath who has done immeasurable damage to my life and my children until I prayed for it to stop. why I waited until my 50's to do this, I don't know. Now in my late 60's and her being 93, I still cannot call her or see her. there is no joy, I have, that I want to share with her. I forgive her but the stress is too great. I could write a book on her destruction she did to me starting at 4 years old.
All you can do with a psychopath or sociopath or narcissist is protect yourself. Even if it means cutting off all contact. They will destroy you. My sister was a narcissist and she f***ed with my life for too many years. Her husband was a sociopath and he tried to f with me also. (I was 16 years younger). Had a sociopathic boss once too. Nutso woman.
These people can totally ruin your life. If you suspect someone fits the DSM descriptions, RUN!!!
I don't know psychology but biggest red flag I've found is selfishness; if someone only comes around to use you, get something then disappears when your giving stops, and it's never their turn to treat.
People like that seem to display other troubling mental properties.
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