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My resident narcissist seems to have BPD, too. Textbook: abandonment, sexual assault victim... When she came here she intended to accomplish a lot. She has accomplished nothing. I was not allowed to get involved because I challenged her and held her accountable. Not sure that was the right way - it resulted in her throwing tantrums and breaking things but ultimately she shape-shifted a little closer to acceptable. Still, the way chosen was to "don't make her mad" and let her do whatever she wanted which resulted in her not attending school and working a job that paid well but she blew all the money. She came and went whenever and had multiple sex partners - all relationships ending badly including STD's. She was bulimic when it suited her and athletic when it suited her and, of course, nice when it benefited her.
She has put off school with promises of action towards a GED this month. Also we finally found a therapist for her. This is when she chooses to run away and go back to her mom's. I feel sorry for this girl. There's no telling how she will end up. She has grandiose dreams with no chance of making them come true. No self discipline or self regulation. Very sad waste of a lovely intelligent girl. (and the apple of her dad's eye)
Speaking of self-absorbed, she can be a "nanny" to reap the $$$ and seems to do okay at it, by the kids' standards I suppose. But she demanded a cat when she got here. (of course, get it to keep her happy) When the litter box started to smell, the box and the cat were evicted from her room and that was that. She never took care of the cat as, of course, promised.
She brought a puppy home, which I demanded she get rid of - I have two dogs that were coming over to HI from the mainland and couldn't take care of a 3rd especially now that I had a cat to take care of. So I was the bad person in that scenario but, before she got rid of it, the puppy poo'd and pee'd all over her room including on her bed and she mentioned she wasn't ready for a dog. (meaning she didn't care to take proper care of the animal) Her dad cleaned and sanitized her room for her when she wasn't here - which I suggested since she probably would have lived in it like that.
She's a slob in the absolute worst way with food and body fluids alike all over her room. She has the master br with her own bathroom while 3 of us share the second bathroom but that's another story. :/
Because they must be in control. If they just beat everyone to get their way, they would lose control pretty fast. There are more of us than there are of them. Even in their blind hubris they understand that.
So it's Charm you. That's their manipulation. Then sexual control, or passive aggressive control, if you deny them to the point they feel they are losing control, they go to threats and violence even. Man, do I have real life examples/stories for ya if you want...
No, the good narcissist can manipulate their actions and words, and then manipulate you later with a stream of what you want to hear if you disagree with them. Or they lie and cover, so you don't even have something to hold them accountable for. With a high-level functioning narcissist, you won't know until its too late. We're that good, and have had a lifetime of practice.
How people treat family is interesting. In some cases, yes, you may see it. In other cases, the narcissist is self-aware, and wants to give their children the childhood they themselves did not have (see, we do have some empathy). And there are people who treat their families like crap, and it has nothing to do with narcissism.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
As far as lying, isn't it better to have a person lie rather than keep quiet about my concerns? I won't do one more thing for another person until my expectations have been met. Sure, I can make a mistake and be taken advantage of and manipulated. But I thought that was a normal part of life. People have been wrong about me.
As far as a high-level functioning narcissist, they would not be running in my circles anyway so I don't worry about them.
As far as family, I thought most people want better for their children. Filtering out a narcissist is not the goal by observing how people treat their family members. It is about paying attention to learned behavior. Also, I consider how boundaries are communicated and enforced more important than the boundary itself.
I never truly understood narcissism until this girl. At this point I don't think anyone can possibly understand like someone with first hand experience with one.
I never truly understood narcissism until this girl. At this point I don't think anyone can possibly understand like someone with first hand experience with one.
Maybe. A lot of the descriptions I am reading don't sound unfamiliar.
I read your other post in which you said you challenged and held her accountable. Well, there are ways of letting your boundaries be known that is not so offensive to other people. Some people, however, will always take it the wrong way no matter how nicely you put it. I am generally gullible when I first meet people, some people believe it is an act. But when push comes to shove, I am usually gone by that point.
I used to associate with someone who was quite narcissistic. Many of the reports in this thread ring true. Another thing I'll bring into this, a pet topic for me, is appearance - narcissists usually are good at presenting themselves visually. That has been validated by researchers, and having a likeable exterior is a strong tool for being liked initially. It wouldn't surprise me if narcissists also tend to use their voices in a likeable way, as in liveliness and authority.
Because they are good at identifying their victims' needs and then pretending to meet those needs.
Their target then feels "understood and liked/loved." Everyone likes someone who likes them.
Ah, but the problem is when you get to know that narcissist a little better or you give them some resistance when you realize that you are their victim and not their friend.
Totally not true. They can get help, just like anyone else with a mental illness.
Not all mental illness is equal. There is a difference between MOOD disorders and PERSONALITY disorders for a reason. There is a difference between the mind and the brain.
PERSONALITY disorders have a NATURE aspect as well as an NURTURE aspect. The nature part cannot be changed - it's wired in. There can be brain malformations, circuitry issues.
It is difficult for us to accept this with so many self-help books telling us how to fix everything (BTW - why so many books for so many years? Why isn't there AN answer by now?).
The brain is another organ. If people can be born with heart defects, sight defects, etc. why is it so difficult to accept that there can be structural defects to the brain. I've read the Corpus Callosum can be 23% larger and 7% longer in psychopaths. There is a lot of new research on how the brain works.
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