How much of a change from 30 - 40 years old (introvert, mentally, thoughts)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm curious. I'm 30 years old (I'll be 31 in 2.5 months), I've made so many major changes in my life since I turned 30. I have a couple of more major changes coming for 31 years old. I'd like to know about the mental state of those years when you see your body changing before your eyes and many of your hopes fading away or becoming reality.
My questions are:
1. How much have you changed in the 10 years (30 - 40 years old)?
2. What major changed did you decide to make and did you keep it?
3. How's life as a "empty nester"?
4. What happens to your marriage during that time? Did you grow apart, are you still married, did your interests change or you became divorced?
5. What advice would you give a person who's in the 30 - 40 year range?
Thank you to all those whom choose to share their thoughts.
Hm. 30 to 40. For me that was a tumultuous decade. During that decade I divorced wife 1 and married wife 2 after a brief interlude of single fatherhood (wife 1 had no interest in her children so I had sole custody), lost my faith, and went through a pretty significant career transition (the first of two so far). Other than remarrying, all these changes were foisted on me, not chosen.
Bodily disintegration has been, to me, more of a thing belonging to my 50's than my 30's. If you are in decent health and take good care of yourself, you still have a couple of good decades in you, possibly more. It's the least of your immediate worries. In fact it's a tad early on average for a midlife crisis, most people work that stuff out in their 40's in my experience.
My first marriage should have lasted 6 months, not 15 years. I stayed in it mostly "for the children" and because of religious taboos against divorce and other religious ideations and ideals. It was constant mental abuse from an increasingly mentally unstable person. So the end of that relationship was a matter of preservation of self and of my children's sanity as well. Some marriages probably do fall apart because people grow apart (or differently at any rate) and I suppose mine was an exaggerated example of maturing enough to know myself better and growing apart -- but I'd be loathe to call it representative.
As to advice ... there is no one size fits all advice to be had, I'm afraid. My experience as an introverted, heady idealist may only apply to introverted, heady idealists -- if that. The only thing I can say is what I'd say generically to anyone -- try to become more self aware, less rigid, more flexible, unattached to particular outcomes, and divest yourself of your illusions as quickly as you can stand to. Deal with the fact of your own mortality -- conquer the fear of death. Learn appropriate and healthy humility and your true place in what passes for the great scheme of things -- which mostly consists of figuring out that it's not all about you and no one gives a hoot anyway. Root out magical thinking. Develop empathy and compassion. That sort of thing.
All I can say is that if we constantly remained the same, life would be quite boring!
I found that I slowly became more patient as I approached 40. That opened up a WHOLE new world to me. Sort of like being born and seeing the world in a new light for the first time - a new life!
One thing I did was stop and read signs on the side of the road - historical type signs. Also I would stop and see places of interest instead of driving by in a hurry. I realized I had been missing a LOT of very interesting things!
It can be fun to stop and "smell the roses!"
And I suddenly had the patience to learn, practice, and play a game like pool / billiards. That game is like a large castle with all sorts of secret and hidden rooms - things to learn about and discover. I learned you can play a lifetime and still learn new things. The thing is you can make the white ball do certain things after it hits the ball you are making into a pocket (like go backwards, continue forwards, go sideways, etc.) It appears to be magic! It can take years and a lot of patience to learn this stuff.
Hm. 30 to 40. For me that was a tumultuous decade. During that decade I divorced wife 1 and married wife 2 after a brief interlude of single fatherhood (wife 1 had no interest in her children so I had sole custody), lost my faith, and went through a pretty significant career transition (the first of two so far). Other than remarrying, all these changes were foisted on me, not chosen.
Bodily disintegration has been, to me, more of a thing belonging to my 50's than my 30's. If you are in decent health and take good care of yourself, you still have a couple of good decades in you, possibly more. It's the least of your immediate worries. In fact it's a tad early on average for a midlife crisis, most people work that stuff out in their 40's in my experience.
My first marriage should have lasted 6 months, not 15 years. I stayed in it mostly "for the children" and because of religious taboos against divorce and other religious ideations and ideals. It was constant mental abuse from an increasingly mentally unstable person. So the end of that relationship was a matter of preservation of self and of my children's sanity as well. Some marriages probably do fall apart because people grow apart (or differently at any rate) and I suppose mine was an exaggerated example of maturing enough to know myself better and growing apart -- but I'd be loathe to call it representative.
As to advice ... there is no one size fits all advice to be had, I'm afraid. My experience as an introverted, heady idealist may only apply to introverted, heady idealists -- if that. The only thing I can say is what I'd say generically to anyone -- try to become more self aware, less rigid, more flexible, unattached to particular outcomes, and divest yourself of your illusions as quickly as you can stand to. Deal with the fact of your own mortality -- conquer the fear of death. Learn appropriate and healthy humility and your true place in what passes for the great scheme of things -- which mostly consists of figuring out that it's not all about you and no one gives a hoot anyway. Root out magical thinking. Develop empathy and compassion. That sort of thing.
Thank you for the advice. I have always been a patient person, but I always wonder how come the people whom are 35-39 are always feeling pressured to "Achieve" something. It's almost as if they did the opposite of what Billy_J reccomended. They didn't stop to smell the roses until they were in their 40's.
Also, I'm learning the "new me". What I wanted to do at 20 isn't the same things I want to do at 30. I'm learning how to accept things "as they are" and making the change myself instead of trying to change things beyond my control. It's true with age comes wisdom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy_J
All I can say is that if we constantly remained the same, life would be quite boring!
I found that I slowly became more patient as I approached 40. That opened up a WHOLE new world to me. Sort of like being born and seeing the world in a new light for the first time - a new life!
One thing I did was stop and read signs on the side of the road - historical type signs. Also I would stop and see places of interest instead of driving by in a hurry. I realized I had been missing a LOT of very interesting things!
It can be fun to stop and "smell the roses!"
And I suddenly had the patience to learn, practice, and play a game like pool / billiards. That game is like a large castle with all sorts of secret and hidden rooms - things to learn about and discover. I learned you can play a lifetime and still learn new things. The thing is you can make the white ball do certain things after it hits the ball you are making into a pocket (like go backwards, continue forwards, go sideways, etc.) It appears to be magic! It can take years and a lot of patience to learn this stuff.
I will try to do that more. I've been really focusing on the wrong things, but now I'm starting to focus on some things that I've always wanted to do. But never got around to doing. I sound like I"m having a young life crysis at 30, but my father has always advised me to "Seek the counsel of those older than me. Because the experience they have can help me."
Ironically, my "shades of grey" have expanded. I've learned that so many things I didn't understand when I was younger or wouldn't do, I am now doing/ or understanding. It's amazing when I think about how much I've changed in 10 years. From 20 -29 years old I had 5 shades of Grey, that I could sympathize with. But being almost 31, it's expanded to 12 shades of grey I can sympathize with.
The only advice I can offer is to quit worrying with the things you cannot change..........which is what happens to you in the future since it is the future and you won't know what those things are until you get there.
If you overanalyze and dramatize it's all a bunch of tumultious mess so just live your life as you do, make your daily decisions and let the aging process flow as worry and drama free as possible.
By the time you are 30, you have very probably already committed yourself to the structure in which you will live the rest of your life, so there is really nothing your can do but make the best of whatever you've got. You no longer have options about anything except details. The most significant effect is not that you get ten years older, but that your children get ten years older.
I just turned 40 but I think I have a different life experience then you because I am not married, have no kids and am gay. The big difference between turning 40 and turning 30 was when I was 30 I was in grad school now I am working full time. I still party a lot but admit I do not go to the clubs nearly as often. I love to travel and eat out. In fact I am going on a 12 day Rome - Venice cruise next summer with my friends. One thing though is I think when you turn 40 you have to really take charge of your health to stay as healthy as possible. So I make sure I run every day on the elliptical runner, I run 11 miles, watch what I eat and take vitamins that way I can be just as healthy when I turn 50 as I am now. All in all turning 40 has not been bad, in fact, I had a week's long celebration celebrating it in May.
So my biggest advise it exercise and watch what you eat to make sure you stay healthy. Oh and keep enjoying life as it does not end when you turn 40 and we only live one.
the changes are subtle- from 30 to 40 yo- but from my experience the decade from the time you where in your 20s to the time you are in your early 40s is definite. There is a slight reduction in energy. Skin is not so fresh and resilient- it is best to refrain from the sun- use a sunscreen and stop using soap all over your body- use a soap free cleanser on your face.
For many- weight gain is a problem (though I dodged this till I was 55) Eat a higher antioxidant diet- reduce fast foods and red meat. Regular exercise is a must. Muscle strength will decline. At 30 I looked and was feeling incredible- at 40 I passed a kidney stone- some opportunistic illnesses- genetic or otherwise may creep up on you. At 40 I looked 30- but the years take a toll-
1. How much have you changed in the 10 years (30 - 40 years old)?
I'm 39 but close enough. I've changed a good bit. This past year especially has been a time of immense growth in my life.
2. What major changed did you decide to make and did you keep it?
I went back to school in summer 2012 and am still there and will be for at least two more years.
3. How's life as a "empty nester"?
My youngest will be 3 in December so I'm still a good bit away from that.
4. What happens to your marriage during that time? Did you grow apart, are you still married, did your interests change or you became divorced?
I've grown a lot, started working toward goals, realized I don't want to waste a single second of my life. He has pretty much stayed the same. It's been trying.
5. What advice would you give a person who's in the 30 - 40 year range?
It's not too late to find a passion or start working toward a goal. It'll change you as a person. I spent all of my married life working from home and raising children. I'd say I lost myself, but in reality I didn't even know who I was. I'm now finding that out, and I like myself more now than I did even just a year ago let alone 10 years ago.
1. How much have you changed in the 10 years (30 - 40 years old)?
2. What major changed did you decide to make and did you keep it?
3. How's life as a "empty nester"?
4. What happens to your marriage during that time? Did you grow apart, are you still married, did your interests change or you became divorced?
5. What advice would you give a person who's in the 30 - 40 year range?
I'm 41. I think I have changed more from 30 to 40 than I did from 20 to 30.
At 30, things were going pretty well and I still had a lot of optimism that my dreams would still come true someday. Since 30, I've had a lot happen in different areas of my life, and was forced to realize that I would never be able to make those dreams come to pass. This has left me sadder in a way, but also much happier because, in a strange sense, the pressure's off. What is, is, for better or worse; I've learned to just live in the moment and enjoy the ride as much as I can.
One thing I came to terms with in my 30s with is my own mortality. A lot of people close to me died while I was in my 30s. As my list of lost loved ones grew, my fear of death lessened, because I knew that no matter what happens after I die, I'd be following in the footsteps of those who have gone before. If there's nothing after I die (which I don't believe, but do realize there's a chance that I'm wrong), then I guess I'll be nothing... with them.
Nothing is permanent. Not dreams, not worries, not life. This realization will take a lot of the sting out of problems and make moments of joy that much more valuable. I think that may be the best piece of advice I can think of.
Last edited by Sedivec; 10-27-2013 at 07:35 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
