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GKelly, I think you've already hit on the answer, IMHO.
There is much written about Attachment Theory and Attachment in Adults. Here's one simple overview.
Attachment Theory:Attachment in Adults Attachment Theory: Attachment in Adults | The Social Work Exam
Of course no one fits into a "box" 100%, but I think you will likely find a fit. Also, I know sometimes we can shift from "Secure" to an "Insecure" state as a result of a traumatic experience that triggers the insecurity.
I'm not an expert in this field but I think that if you understood attachment disorders you might come to a place of acceptance of your unique challenges. Many quote separation anxiety and yes there is probably validity in that however, if you understood how attachment styles interact you might be able to find a partner with a complimentary attachment style. There is a great book on this subject, "Attached" written by Amir Levine M.D and Rachel S.F. Heller. It is an easy read, and I would be very surprised if it didn't provide you with an "Ah-Ha" moment. In a nutshell, we are all either securely attached or insecurely attached. It is in the insecurely attached individuals that have difficulty with interpersonal relationships when paired with a person with a conflicting attachment style. Within the insecurely attached category there are three sub-types--anxious, avoidant or disorganized which is a combination of anxious/avoidant. Any of these three styles can have a successful relationship with a securely attached individual. On the flip side, an anxious person can be successful with another anxious person but an avoidant personality would be toxic for an anxious individual. An avoidant personality and the disorganized personality requires a securely attached individual to be successful in a relationship. In the book there are several anecdotes in which you would probably be able to see yourself in. I strongly recommend reading this if you ever hope to understand yourself and be able to enjoy a mutually meaningful relationship.
Sending my best wishes for you in your search for understanding.
I feel like I have always had abandonment issues and I don't know why. My parents said when I was 3, I would never let them leave for work. I would cry and chase after my mother. They had to trick me in order to leave the house. They said when they were away from home and at work, I got my older brother to sneak us out and look for them. We got lost and my parents had to come find us. I have always remembered having a hard time saying bye to people even if I knew I would see them the next day. When my friends came to my house, I would feel a pit in my stomach and not want them to leave. When I went to my friends house I wanted to live there with them. As I was growing up, a lot of people I knew would move away and I never heard from them again. It hurt me and I decided I want to be the one to leave, not the one left behind.
Now that I'm an adult, you can imagine how that past could be troublesome in the dating world. I usually get attached to people even if I haven't been seeing them very long. I date one person, decide I like them, and cling to them until they leave me. Or when I like someone, I feel insecure and afraid of them leaving me so I ruin it by being paranoid and not trusting them. I do the same thing with friends. I'm almost never the one to leave someone behind because I know how that feels. I couldn't ignore people I didn't want to talk to until I was 23.
I just don't understand why I get so clingy and insecure about this ever since I can remember. My brothers don't seem to be this way. I'm starting to wonder if this may be because I didn't get enough physical attention from my parents when I was an infant? I recently learned my dad doesn't hold babies because he's afraid he'll drop them. Or at least not female infants. My mom is a workaholic so I can imagine her working most of the time. My parents aren't very physically affectionate either. Traditional schmaditional. I guess that would make sense. Any other possibilities? I need to seriously work on this when I get back to group therapy next fall.
Yes, OP, some people are. People can be born with baggage, due to experiences in the womb or during the birthing process. Or due to abandonment during the first year of age, when infants are so helpless!
It sounds like you're doing some good self-reflection, judging by this and another of your threads. This is good, OP. Would you be able to get some therapy relating to this? Your health insurance may cover it. Be good to yourself, OP. Take care of that wounded child within. There may have been a trauma in your earliest years (repeatedly having the experience of crying for food or for a diaper change or whatever, and not having anyone come, would be a form of trauma, for example.)
You're on the right track. Get some qualified help. This isn't something you can fix yourself. There are people out there with a lot of experience at helping people like yourself heal from things like this. Best wishes!
Yes, OP, some people are. People can be born with baggage, due to experiences in the womb or during the birthing process. Or due to abandonment during the first year of age, when infants are so helpless!
It sounds like you're doing some good self-reflection, judging by this and another of your threads. This is good, OP. Would you be able to get some therapy relating to this? Your health insurance may cover it. Be good to yourself, OP. Take care of that wounded child within. There may have been a trauma in your earliest years (repeatedly having the experience of crying for food or for a diaper change or whatever, and not having anyone come, would be a form of trauma, for example.)
You're on the right track. Get some qualified help. This isn't something you can fix yourself. There are people out there with a lot of experience at helping people like yourself heal from things like this. Best wishes!
Interesting this came back up again b/c I just read something that said that we even have cellular memory from experiences that our ancestors went thru. Like if one of your great-grandparents was abandoned as a child, you could still have issues related to that. Not everything can be controlled, but it shows what an awesome responsibility we have to future generations.
people are born with the ability to breath, poop, and eat...that's it
everything else is learned behavior
we are products of our environments...nurture...
That is not true; it is an over simplification.
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