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How do you let your therapist go when the trust in her disappears ? Do you make an appointment and confront her? Do you send her an email? She showed me her fangs, she got controlling and talky-downy and bristled when I rejected her invitation to sit in and mediate a family matter.
If it were me, I'd examine my motives first as to whether the therapist wanted me to "go" to a place that is therapeutically healthy and if the proposed firing is a form of resistance to a process that I needed to be part of. If the therapist has been thus far helpful, I'd take some time to consider the matter.
That said. I had a therapist where she and I were on different wave-lengths and I felt that our time was not productive. I told her that and explained myself in my next session which was my last with her. I found another therapist (also female) that was most helpful and I resolved the issues I was working through without wasting time or in non-productive conflict in communication styles.
You don't "fire" a therapist, you just pursue treatment with a different one, if it's not a beneficial match.
Suggesting things you are uncomfortable with isn't necessarily a sign of a client/therapist mismatch or disconnect, however. There are a lot of variables.
How do you let your therapist go when the trust in her disappears ? Do you make an appointment and confront her? Do you send her an email? She showed me her fangs, she got controlling and talky-downy and bristled when I rejected her invitation to sit in and mediate a family matter.
Was it a family therapy type session? If it was, then it was her job to try to move you all forward.
Being in therapy is about being open to change and doing the things that will help. Sometimes those things make us uncomfortable and push us.
Didn't avoiding the family situation land you all in therapy in the first place?
You don't "fire" a therapist, you just pursue treatment with a different one, if it's not a beneficial match.
Suggesting things you are uncomfortable with isn't necessarily a sign of a client/therapist mismatch or disconnect, however. There are a lot of variables.
Sure you can. You can fire a therapist just like a customer can fire any person or company whose services you don't want to buy anymore. Remember Sam Walton's famous saying,"There is only one boss; the customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down simply by spending his money somewhere else." And OP doesn't have to see another therapist either. As for whether OP's firing of the therapist is the right decision to make, that's another topic for another thread. Sometimes therapists say or do things for reasons that aren't clear to clients. Miscommunication happens even in therapeutic relationships.
It's the same situation with a variety of health providers. You don't "fire" a dentist. If you aren't happy with the services, you generally seek the services of a different provider. I've certainly switched doctors, and it wasn't a matter of "firing" my doctor, it was a matter of finding a different provider. A therapist isn't typically someone you've hired and contracted with as an employer. You're not obligated to receive services from them, and they're also not obligated to provide services to you. Therapists refer clients to other colleagues all the time, for any variety of reasons - there may be a conflict of interest, there's a bad personality match, a client's needs may turn out to be outside the scope of a particular therapist's area of expertise, a client may form an inappropriate attachment that undermines the therapeutic value of the services, etc. The decision to cease services on either end isn't a "firing" of either the provider or the client/patient. It's simply a ceasing of services. So there's no, "You're fired" dynamic. As a consumer of services, you're not really the employer, you're a client/patient...despite the eternal wisdom of Sam Walton on the matter.
You don't have to have a, "And now I'm firing you," conversation with a mental health provider who is likely either in private practice or employed by an overseeing agency or organization, versus a personal employee. You're not EVER obligated to continue services with a given provider, except in very isolated, specific cases, like court-mandated counseling, and even then, it's not typical that the provider would be set in stone, or if you're in an inpatient or inmate facility and a given counselor is assigned, treatment is compulsory, and there are no other choices. In far and away most cases, you can choose whether you see a given provider (or opt to cease services entirely). But that's not a "firing," anymore than seeing a different optometrist is a matter of, "Well, I fired my old optometrist."
OP, if you feel that a particular counselor is not helpful to you, you can ALWAYS stop going (except in such isolated cases as the above examples, which I assume aren't in play, here, or it would have been noted). Whether or not you discuss why you're ceasing services is up to you...you may find it beneficial to do so, you may not. But do bear in mind that disagreeing with a therapy provider and/or experiencing personal discomfort during the process isn't necessarily an indication that the therapy is inappropriate or that therapeutic value is in question.
I think the best thing for YOU would be to make an appointment with your therapist and tell her in person what you said in post number 1 above.
You are going to therapy to help yourself and grow as a person. Doing this will help you reach that goal.
And if the outcome of that meeting is not satisfactory to you - and you do find another therapist, then also discuss with the new therapist what happened at that meeting with the old therapist.
This stuff is like taking your car to a mechanic and not telling him there is a problem with the brakes. Then you get the car back and they have not fixed the brakes. You need to TELL THEM about this stuff so they can fix it! They are not mind readers.
How do you let your therapist go when the trust in her disappears ? Do you make an appointment and confront her? Do you send her an email? She showed me her fangs, she got controlling and talky-downy and bristled when I rejected her invitation to sit in and mediate a family matter.
More often than not, I just call and cancel my next appointment without saying why. You don't owe her (or anyone you pay for services) any explanation, ever, even if she should ask. If she should confront you about why and you don't want to give her the full explanation, you could say something like, "I'm reevaluating my goals based on our past work and I need some time to equilibrate."
But if you feel it would be helpful for you to convey exactly why you are no longer going to see her, I would recommend a neutrally worded note of explanation including some words of thanks for whatever help she did give you in the past, rather than communicating with her in person or by phone, email or text. But no venting (even if you feel justified).
If you are thinking that telling her her shortcomings might help her or her other clients in the future, don't concern yourself with that, as she is unlikely to change her ways based on your input. As your therapist, she is in the accustomed position of giving advice, not taking it, and you would be wasting your efforts.
When you're ready to fire your therapist, you need to soul search and ask yourself, when the initial gasp occurs, is this an issue that I need to ponder? And if it is and you run from it, the same will happen again. Don't expect therapy to be warm and fuzzy, if it is you're not getting good therapy, if your therapist has a good reputation and good credentials, give it a chance, therapy is not black and white, it's grey, maybe it's time to get out of your comfort zone and try something different, it won't swallow you or kill you, but where ever you go in therapy, it will be your decision.
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