What is wrong with her??!!? (narcissists, anxiety, depressed, pathological)
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I really do not understand my sister at all. Almost two years ago I had to cut her out of my life because her rude, inconsiderate, self-centered behavior was causing me a great deal of anxiety. I haven't seen her since, but we have talk/texted 4-5 times (never goes well). I am Facebook friends with her best friend from childhood. Her friend and I were good friends too. This girl was a huge part of our lives for over 10 years, we talk online pretty regularly, but hadn't talked in several months. Well, she messaged me and asked how my sister was doing and I said probably fine, but we don't speak, so Idk. She really wanted to talk to her, so I gave her her number. About an hour later I get an angry text saying that I need to ask her first before giving out her phone number. Fine. Maybe I should've asked first, but considering who this person was, I didn't think it would be a big deal. It's not like I gave it to a random person or past acquaintance or to someone she was on bad terms with. Well, after three days of trying to talk to her, the friend messaged me and said she gave up. My sister was basically unresponsive to her, said she doesn't like catching up and had nothing to say. She never asked the friend any questions about her life. Who does that ?? What kind of person can't take an hour or two to chat with their past best friend? Who wouldn't be excited and curious about a person whom you used to be inseparable from? I just find it boggling.
This is the biggest problem I have with her though (and now I know for sure it is HER and not me). She never shows any interest in my life. Even before I cut her out, she never asked how I was, if things were going well, what we were doing, about my pregnancies., how the kids were etc. Never. She went out of the country for three months right after my second was born and she never once inquired about us the entire trip. NOT ONCE. I remember writing this super long email to her describing all that was going on here and her response was "I'm going camping so I won't have internet for a few days." . I just don't understand how a person can just not give a crap and have zero interest in their supposed loved ones lives (yet expect them to be there the second THEY need something). I am beginning to wonder if she has some sort of psychological disorder that makes her incapable of engagement with other people or if she really just is a self-centered......?
P.S. I have loaned these people things. They don't return them and when I call after two months and ask if they are done with the thing they have borrowed, they say yes - that *I* can come and pick it up!
Needless to say, I don't loan people things anymore.
P.S. I have loaned these people things. They don't return them and when I call after two months and ask if they are done with the thing they have borrowed, they say yes - that *I* can come and pick it up!
Needless to say, I don't loan people things anymore.
Thank you! I am not sure if this is truly fitting though. She does lack empathy and concern for others and is inconsiderate of people. IF she needs something she will expect compliance and urgency to get what she needs, but she doesn't seem to have grandiose expectations. She is single, has a modest job and doesn't aspire to do anything more. She doesn't seek out compliments and has normal levels of self esteem from what I can tell. She just doesn't give a crap about anyone else.
Nothing you can do; you reached out and she refused. Relationships of any kind to succeed takes two people valuing it. Some only think about themselves as to value and why they are always losing friends and in conflict with those like themselves. Sorry its your sister; tho that makes it harder for you.
She might just be rude and self-centered, as you say; you've certainly made a good case for that. But she might be really anxious or depressed, which often looks rude and self-centered, but is really more about being overwhelmed and unable to deal with anything well; she could sure fit that category too based on what you've said. Some people also just have lousy social skills and don't know how to interact normally with others. There are a lot of possibilities.
It's not up to you to fix it, but you could sure point out to her that she's being a total hag and might want to think more about the effect she has on others.
If you have "cut her out" of your life why do you continue to talk and text with her?
If you would really cut her out of your life you would more than likely have much less dramatic situations if she is actually the entire problem.
She sounds unpleasant, rude, and self-centered, but none of that is necessarily pathological. Some people are just jerks, and it's not a mental health issue.
There are certainly conditions that affect people's desire and ability to form emotional bonds with others, but it's also likely as not that she's just an unpleasant, ill-tempered person.
She might just be rude and self-centered, as you say; you've certainly made a good case for that. But she might be really anxious or depressed, which often looks rude and self-centered, but is really more about being overwhelmed and unable to deal with anything well; she could sure fit that category too based on what you've said. Some people also just have lousy social skills and don't know how to interact normally with others. There are a lot of possibilities.
It's not up to you to fix it, but you could sure point out to her that she's being a total hag and might want to think more about the effect she has on others.
I know I can't fix it and I have let her know how her indifferent to everything behavior has been hurtful and she claims she will change but doesn't. I just can't think of anything that may have happened to her to make her this way. She has always been kinda funny about telling me stuff, but I was just shocked that she treated her former best friend like tha .
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
If you have "cut her out" of your life why do you continue to talk and text with her?
If you would really cut her out of your life you would more than likely have much less dramatic situations if she is actually the entire problem.
I don't continue to speak with her. 4-5 times over two years is nothing.
Because I am not a terrible person, I let her say goodbye to our dog before he had to be put down; I'd had him since high school. That was the last time I saw her and it was two months after I told her I didn't want to see/speak to her anymore.
SHE texts me at Christmas and birthdays to see if the kids want anything. That is the only time she acknowledges their existence and I am glad that she does that, so I tell her thank you. When she "forgot" one of my kids' birthdays, I called her out, because I told her she had to treat them equally, all or nothing. SHE confronted me about giving out her phone number. I had no intention of talking to her about this.
Thank you! I am not sure if this is truly fitting though. She does lack empathy and concern for others and is inconsiderate of people. IF she needs something she will expect compliance and urgency to get what she needs, but she doesn't seem to have grandiose expectations. She is single, has a modest job and doesn't aspire to do anything more. She doesn't seek out compliments and has normal levels of self esteem from what I can tell. She just doesn't give a crap about anyone else.
You could very well be talking about my older brother. I am just about at my wit's end with trying to get him to understand that the world (and I) don't revolve around him and his needs. I have helped him many times, and he says thanks but doesn't truly show any appreciation. After he's used me, he is rude, crude and nasty.
He has no one else but his twin for company. His wife passed away two years ago, and he has lost any friends he has through the years because of his inconsideration and nastiness. I know he's down and I feel sorry for him, but how much am I supposed to take? I love him as a brother, but I dislike him as a friend or person I want to be around.
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. I just don't understand how a person can just not give a crap and have zero interest in their supposed loved ones lives (yet expect them to be there the second THEY need something). I am beginning to wonder if she has some sort of psychological disorder that makes her incapable of engagement with other people or if she really just is a self-centered......?
