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I do not want to support someone who I feel is doing something hurtful to our mentally ill father who has lost everything in life nearly for simply revenge or consequences. Nor do I want to be associated with said event.
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I want to go, so I am hoping she will decide to include father. Or maybe I can atleast ask if she doesnt then who if any does she want to walk her down the isle.
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I might can deal with it so long as no other guy walks her down the isle.
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This way I can be somewhat flexible without giving her an ultimatum unless she out right asks me.
I am fully aware I am being stubborn and most likely selfish (unintentionally). But ive always been like that when I feel strongly about something.
You are acting like a complete idiot, from the things you are saying.
A mentally ill person, should not be walking your sister down the aisle. She has invited him to be at the wedding, but she is right in not asking him to walk her down the aisle. This would be putting pressure on your father, and could tip him over into some kind of episode that would be hard on your father, and could completely destroy your sisters wedding. Your father is being protected, and not put up there in front of people taking the chance that he will be overwhelmed.
Your sister realizes your father has a problem, and she does not want to take a chance of him having some sort of episode that would be bad not only for her, but for your father.
She has asked the next closest male to her, to act in her fathers place which is you. That shows how important you are in her life. Act like you have been saying in your posts, show you don't care as much about your sister as she does in you.
You are trying to force your sister to put your father at risk. People in attendance will know your fathers history, and will be super critical of anything he does in the wedding party. They will be sitting there waiting for him to screw it up. If you want to protect your father, then you will walk your sister down the aisle to protect your father from any possible screw up in front of family and friends. That would be devastating to both him and your sister.
Your sister is planning the most important day in her life, her wedding. She wants everything to go perfectly, with no possible problems.
You on the other hand, don't care what happens and risk having your sister badly hurt and something she will never forget. You were not there for much of what she has seen from your father. She knows from experience that he can have problems. It is not your fathers fault, that he is mentally ill. This is not something he wanted to have happen. Be a real man, and step up and support your sister the way she wants and needs supporting and walk her down the aisle. If you don't it will be a hurt that your sister will always suffer from, and you will also suffer from it later.
Anyways, my sister is getting married this year and while driving she mentioned she wasnt sure if she was gonna include father in the ceremony (walking down the isle etc). I was shocked and got pissed. I tried to explain to her that, that is one of the most important things / day to a father.
It might appear that way but that was not my intentions at all.
You should apologize for being an insensitive jerk okay? Just do it and get it over with, because you need to. You have a lot of chutzpah saying that to your sister. I can see perfectly well why she doesn't want to take the chance on ruining her big day and turning it into a lifetime bad memory. Salvage the family relationships you have that are worth salvaging. And quit trying to be your dad's self-appointed social justice advocate. Instead, try being an advocate for him changing his behavior.
And you know, I would guess his problem is substance abuse. Not mental illness.
It is all about me being true to myself and my convictions. What I feel is right and wrong.
I want my sister to atleast take my counsel and make the decision she feels is right. I want her to keep her principles. If her principles tell her to not include our father I will understand and respect that. That doesn't mean I will hold hard feelings or that I must be apart of it.
I think this is important and that overall you are not being way out of line. The only thing I would have done differently is to express to my family that I would regrettably not be able to attend the wedding because of my convictions and not have pressed them to go against their own persuasions; they would be able to figure out what would need to be done in order for you to attend. Other than that, I feel it is very important to stand firm to one's convictions; my impression is that there is quite a lack of this going on lately. For instance, if my brother were to be married to a man, I would not attend his wedding should he invite me; I would stand firm to my convictions.
I think this is important and that overall you are not being way out of line. The only thing I would have done differently is to express to my family that I would regrettably not be able to attend the wedding because of my convictions and not have pressed them to go against their own persuasions; they would be able to figure out what would need to be done in order for you to attend. Other than that, I feel it is very important to stand firm to one's convictions; my impression is that there is quite a lack of this going on lately. For instance, if my brother were to be married to a man, I would not attend his wedding should he invite me; I would stand firm to my convictions.
You would not attend your own brother's wedding because you disapprove of the person he loves. The OP will not attend the wedding if his mentally ill father does not walk his sister down the aisle.
What's next? The wedding dress too low cut so you leave the ceremony? You don't believe people should drink alcohol so you are boycotting the reception?
I'm all for standing by your convictions. If Basiliximab doesn't want to marry a man, then he shouldn't do it. If the OP wants his father to walk him down the aisle, fine by me.
But telling others who they can marry and who walks them down the aisle is nonsense.
When did standing by your convictions start to mean that others need stand by them as well or you're going throw a hissy fit.
Not your place to say anything. Doesn't sound like your sister was looking for "advice" from you. If you felt that strongly about it you could have calmly and civilly told her that it disappoints you and if she decides to exclude your father that you won't be able to attend. But if you truly respect her wishes, and still love your sister, why can't you be there to support your sister but respect her decisions? It is her wedding. You're burning a bridge for no reason. You are making this situation about you and that is unfair to your sister.
When did standing by your convictions start to mean that others need stand by them as well or you're going throw a hissy fit.
Get a grip, folks.
No one said anything about throwing a hissy fit. Simply telling your opinion and saying regrettably you might not be able to attend calmly one time is not throwing a hissy fit.
I only mentioned it once with my sister and will not bring it up again.
Not your place to say anything. Doesn't sound like your sister was looking for "advice" from you. If you felt that strongly about it you could have calmly and civilly told her that it disappoints you and if she decides to exclude your father that you won't be able to attend. But if you truly respect her wishes, and still love your sister, why can't you be there to support your sister but respect her decisions? It is her wedding. You're burning a bridge for no reason. You are making this situation about you and that is unfair to your sister.
Because in my mind it his her way of revenge or punishing our father. A man who has already lost near everything due to a mental illness. I do not support this or want anything to do with it honestly.
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