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So it's 2016 and I finally decided I'd had enough. I decided it's a new year, perfect time to start fresh and move on. The guy I had been dating for 3 years kept getting more and more progressively violent towards me. The week before Christmas, he drank a fifth and forced me onto the floor, ripping my shirt apart and screaming I was a retard while spitting on my face and slapping me.
That was my breaking point.
I had a few drinks myself but just remember running to my car anyway, thinking nothing could be worse than what he was about to do to me potentially. He had gotten out of control like this before and I knew he was completely out of his mind. He barricaded me from the door but I started screaming and he knew the neighbors could hear. I remember it was freezing out and I slept in a parking lot because I didn't want a DUI.
I spent Christmas alone.
I spent New Year's alone.
I fell into a major depression, cut my hair, dyed it. Trying to do anything to feel better and new again. I stopped drinking. Started exercising. The problem is my depression is only getting worse no matter what I try.
I get home from work and lay on my bed and cry. I stopped eating. I know this is not normal. I made an appointment with my psychiatrist. The problem is that appointment isn't for another two months he's so booked. I feel helpless and don't know where to turn. I feel myself falling into this further and faster every day and it's scary. And on top of it, he keeps calling and won't leave me alone. What in God's name should I do?
Definitely don't answer those calls. And if he shows up at your place, don't let him in. Completely cut him off and avoid him.
Depression is no joke. And sometimes, it has a habit of showing up at random sometimes. Some people have to live with bouts of depression now and again.
I would say try keeping yourself busy. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy? You could try getting into some activities that you think you'd like. Work on some projects. Go to events where you'll meet people and possibly make new friends, if you currently have none. Sometimes depression really gets bad when you don't have enough to do. So because of that, your mind wonders and runs away more with bad thoughts, which add to the depression and possible anxiety. You need good mental stimulation and good things to focus on.
Definitely keep exercising. It's good for you, and I have heard it can do wonders for a person's mood when they do it enough and get into the groove of it. It releases the same endorphins as sex. So keep up your work outs.
And you're doing good by stopping the drinking for now. It's fine now and again. but if you're already in a bad place, it's not a productive outlet. So good for you on the alcohol. Avoid that completely for now.
So currently, you have made some great choices. Stick by them. Now it's just about time, and trying to get into more things that can add value and happiness to your life.
And on a smaller note, probably best to have a set bedtime, and try adhering to that. This is provided you have no places to be at night, into early morning. As depression and anxiety can actually flare up more at night, and early morning while still dark. Myself, my mother, and some others I speak to say their depression and mood tends to plummet during dark hours.
OP, Google "trauma counselors" for your city. Also "Psychologists" + "trauma" or "PTSD". Look for those who offer a technique called "EMDR". This is for Post-Traumatic Stress. It's highly effective, and only takes a few sessions to resolve the condition and get back on an even keel. You'll feel better after the first session. Your psychiatrist probably doesn't offer that treatment, and may recommend meds instead. You don't need meds. You need treatment for PTSD. Good luck!
Depression is not a joke. You made the right choice getting away from the abuser. Don't make a wrong choice of waiting months for your counselors schedule to clear up
Depression
•Postpartum Depression
1-800-PPD-MOMS
•Veterans
1-877-VET2VET
All Types of Crisis
•United Way Helpline
1-800-233-HELP
•Youth America Hotline
1-877-YOUTHLINE (1-877-968-8454)
•Covenant House Nine-Line (Teens)
1-800-999-9999
•The Trevor Helpline (For homosexuality questions or problems)
1-800-850-8078
If you are looking for an e-mail depression hotline or local support numbers to call, go to the Befrienders Worldwide website.
Depression E-mail Hotlines and Chat Rooms
Some support centers have e-mail available. You can send a message through the website or send an e-mail to the address provided. A trained professional will usually answer your e-mail within the timeframe the website indicates.
Where to Email or Chat
•Boys Town: This is an email option for youths and their parents. Turnaround time is usually 24-48 hours.
•Crisis Chat: Talk about stress and other problems anonymously and get non-judgmental support.
•IMAlive: Speak with a volunteer online without having to wait for an emailed reply.
Consider This Before E-mailing
E-mail depression hotlines are great for non-urgent situations. If you have an ongoing problem and you don't need immediate assistance, an e-mail may work for you. However, if you are going through a crisis, a phone call can help you right when you need it.
Another precaution with e-mail is that it is not as confidential as using the phone. You never know who may read your e-mail, and that person may not be under the same confidentiality agreement as a counselor. Additionally, someone you know may read your email and see what you wrote to the support center.
Call a Counselor Now
Don't wait to see if you will get over what you are going through right now. You don't have to do this on your own. The first step in feeling better is picking up the phone and calling one of the above numbers. Reach out and accept help from someone who will listen and understand.
It took you 3 years to get to this point. There are no instant fixes to make it all better. It will take time to get to that place where you feel good about yourself and your future. You did the right thing. I applaud you for that! But please be gentle with yourself. Don't expect to suddenly be happy because you aren't being abused anymore. It takes time and you haven't given yourself enough of it yet.
He will probably try to get you back because that is what they do. All of the promises in the world won't change the past though and you have received from him the best you will ever get from him. He has shown you who he is. Even though it was a bad relationship you still need time to grieve it's end. It disappointed you. It dashed your hopes and dreams and probably made you doubt your ability to make the right decisions. All kinds of emotions appear once you leave an abuser. You just went through a terrible ordeal. Be patient and know you will be ok.
So it's 2016 and I finally decided I'd had enough. I decided it's a new year, perfect time to start fresh and move on. The guy I had been dating for 3 years kept getting more and more progressively violent towards me. The week before Christmas, he drank a fifth and forced me onto the floor, ripping my shirt apart and screaming I was a retard while spitting on my face and slapping me.
That was my breaking point.
I had a few drinks myself but just remember running to my car anyway, thinking nothing could be worse than what he was about to do to me potentially. He had gotten out of control like this before and I knew he was completely out of his mind. He barricaded me from the door but I started screaming and he knew the neighbors could hear. I remember it was freezing out and I slept in a parking lot because I didn't want a DUI.
I spent Christmas alone.
I spent New Year's alone.
I fell into a major depression, cut my hair, dyed it. Trying to do anything to feel better and new again. I stopped drinking. Started exercising. The problem is my depression is only getting worse no matter what I try.
I get home from work and lay on my bed and cry. I stopped eating. I know this is not normal. I made an appointment with my psychiatrist. The problem is that appointment isn't for another two months he's so booked. I feel helpless and don't know where to turn. I feel myself falling into this further and faster every day and it's scary. And on top of it, he keeps calling and won't leave me alone. What in God's name should I do?
you have done everything right. Only one thing missing: change your phone number.
How about filing a criminal complaint and getting a restraining order? Don't let this incident be "off the record."
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