Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I mentioned this woman in a previous thread. She had an abusive partner who basically ruined her credit and caused her to accumulate tickets that have gone into warrant status. She is working on paying them but she is far from being done paying and is not able to drive until that is taken care of. She has basically hit rock bottom. She is no longer with this man and is completely done with him, but she has a long road ahead of her to recover financially.
She says she is ready to date, but she is afraid of being rejected because of her situation. I wondered if it was a matter of not feeling worthy after being in such a relationship, but it really seems more like she is embarrassed about her situation.
Would you men be opposed to being with someone in this position? If so, why?
Would you still be opposed once she took care of her business, but still had bad credit?
Keep in mind, I am not talking about supporting her financially or getting her out of her rut.
Last edited by PassTheChocolate; 11-28-2009 at 06:04 PM..
No I wouldn't date her. For one, I don't get women like this, and two, I have no respect for women like this.
I can almost not even comprehend why anyone would stay with anybody that abused them, disrespected them, and treated them like trash. For anyone that stays in such a situation, that just singles to me that there's a mental illness I'm not willing to deal with.
No I wouldn't date her. For one, I don't get women like this, and two, I have no respect for women like this.
I can almost not even comprehend why anyone would stay with anybody that abused them, disrespected them, and treated them like trash. For anyone that stays in such a situation, that just singles to me that there's a mental illness I'm not willing to deal with.
It's your right to choose who to date and your right to have an opinion. But that has to be the most ignorant statement I have read on the topic on CD so far and there is plenty to compete with. I would recommend you do some research before pontificating so much. You are clueless.
Everything has a tradeoff or cost. She would have to be an exceptional lady to offset her problems, so most guys would say "Maybe"
If she had a whole lot of positive and good qualities they might off set the negatives. If the negatives out weighted the positives I'd say see you later.
So it all depends on the lady and if my life was better with her or without her.
Would you men be opposed to being with someone in this position? If so, why?
Would you still be opposed once she took care of her business, but still had bad credit?
Keep in mind, I am not talking about supporting her financially or getting her out of her rut.
Assuming she had good qualities that I found appealing, no, the situation would not be a deal breaker for me. I would certainly pay close attention to how she handles money, etc. to confirm that her situation was due to the bad-ex and not to bad spending and/or other economic decisions on her part. But I would be willing to give her a chance.
If I had to do it all over again, knowing myself and others better the second time around, there are some things that I would be willing to tolerate/forgive more readily than I might have in the past (and there are things that I would not compromise on now that, sadly, I did in the past). Being mature and experienced -- and knowing how problematic an S.O. can be and the havoc (fiscal, emotional, etc.) they can wreck -- I would be reluctant to pass on someone I found attractive simply becasue her S.O. drove her into a ditch.
I would give her awhile to get herself together. She probably has a lot of healing to do, but if you don't find that she dumps too much of her stuff onto you when you go out and you enjoy her company, then go ahead.
Good, well meaning people do get themselves into pickles sometimes. Maybe it's just bad luck that this happened to her, and not chronic bad judgement.
Like many women in her situation, there is a background that explains why she was in such a relationship. She's not really broken by it emotionally; she's not afraid to get back in the dating scene. She just feels like she has all this baggage that will keep men from wanting to be with her.
I can understand how she feels. If I met a man in a similar situation, I'd more than likely steer clear of a relationship until he took care of his issues. But this is because of my own poor judgment in the past, being too accepting. I'm very protective of my quality of life.
Then again, I wouldn't tell anyone about my troubles up front, if I were her. My finances are not up for discussion anyway and I wouldn't look for a relationship until I was back on my feet.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
