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Thank you everyone for all of these kind responses. I honestly didn't think so many people would respond! It has been getting a little bit better day by day. I started taking Antabuse each morning. That has really helped because when cravings come back I don't have to fight, knowing my body will reject the alcohol. As I get more sober I can see what a loser this guy was. He will still be drinking and be hateful towards everyone around him. In the meantime, I'm going to get my life together even though it will in no way be easy. Many thanks again, especially to those who have been in similar situations. It's good to know there is light at the end of this tunnel somewhere.
If you're like most people that have been in an abusive relationship, you probably stopped seeing/talking to your friends over the course of those three years.
Now is the time to reach out to them again. Most likely, you'll need to apologize to them. I'm not going to go into the reasons why, chances are you already know what I'm talking about. If they were good friends of yours, they will understand and help you get back to normal.
As others have said, you need to change your phone number, and forget your ex's number.
Change your phone number and the locks on your door if he has a key. Move if you have to.
Call your nearest women's shelter to see if they have a counselor or group available that you can join. Go to the first available meeting and keep going.
Even though you're taking Antabuse, find an AA meeting to go to. If you've been prescribed Antabuse you must have a long-standing problem with alcohol. Now is the time to take advantage of all the help out there.
Be prepared to WANT to go back to him. On average, women leave abusive relationships 7 times before leaving for good. He may still be drinking and hateful now, but most likely he will get sober, apologize profusely, remind you of all the good times you had together and beg (with tears) for you to come back. It's all part of the abuse cycle and once you're back together and the honeymoon period wears off, he'll go right back to his old behaviors. You have to be ready for this to happen so you can resist it.
Make a list of every crappy thing he's ever done to you and keep it in your purse. If you talk to him on the phone, get the list out and read it over as you're talking. If you feel sad and lonely in the middle of the night and are tempted to call him, get the list out and read it. If his mother calls you on his behalf, get the list out and read it.
Do NOT get into another relationship right away. You are very vulnerable right now and liable to fall for the next sweet-talking guy that comes along. Don't do that until you've had some counseling. Print out a list of "red flag" behaviors in the early part of an abusive relationship and read it every day. Go to the library, book store or online and start studying the dynamics of abusive relationships. They follow patterns and abusers attract people with particular characteristics. Learn about them because knowledge is power.
Leaving is a wonderful first step and you should be very proud of yourself. But you're on a long road and have to be wary of the pitfalls.
So it's 2016 and I finally decided I'd had enough. I decided it's a new year, perfect time to start fresh and move on. The guy I had been dating for 3 years kept getting more and more progressively violent towards me. The week before Christmas, he drank a fifth and forced me onto the floor, ripping my shirt apart and screaming I was a retard while spitting on my face and slapping me.
That was my breaking point.
I had a few drinks myself but just remember running to my car anyway, thinking nothing could be worse than what he was about to do to me potentially. He had gotten out of control like this before and I knew he was completely out of his mind. He barricaded me from the door but I started screaming and he knew the neighbors could hear. I remember it was freezing out and I slept in a parking lot because I didn't want a DUI.
I spent Christmas alone.
I spent New Year's alone.
I fell into a major depression, cut my hair, dyed it. Trying to do anything to feel better and new again. I stopped drinking. Started exercising. The problem is my depression is only getting worse no matter what I try.
I get home from work and lay on my bed and cry. I stopped eating. I know this is not normal. I made an appointment with my psychiatrist. The problem is that appointment isn't for another two months he's so booked. I feel helpless and don't know where to turn. I feel myself falling into this further and faster every day and it's scary. And on top of it, he keeps calling and won't leave me alone. What in God's name should I do?
Find another psychiatrist or get a referral from your current. Two months is much too long to wait - this is a semi-emergency situation. Do they know that? Did they try to work you in? If not, then they really aren't trying - again, you need an appt. NOW.
OP, Google "trauma counselors" for your city. Also "Psychologists" + "trauma" or "PTSD". Look for those who offer a technique called "EMDR". This is for Post-Traumatic Stress. It's highly effective, and only takes a few sessions to resolve the condition and get back on an even keel. You'll feel better after the first session. Your psychiatrist probably doesn't offer that treatment, and may recommend meds instead. You don't need meds. You need treatment for PTSD. Good luck!
Yep. And not for nothing, but I wonder why your psychiatrist hasn't referred you to a crisis counselor if he or she can't see you for two months. It's kind of unethical to treat a patient in crisis that way, and you're in crisis, OP.
Thank you everyone for all of these kind responses. I honestly didn't think so many people would respond! It has been getting a little bit better day by day. I started taking Antabuse each morning. That has really helped because when cravings come back I don't have to fight, knowing my body will reject the alcohol. As I get more sober I can see what a loser this guy was. He will still be drinking and be hateful towards everyone around him. In the meantime, I'm going to get my life together even though it will in no way be easy. Many thanks again, especially to those who have been in similar situations. It's good to know there is light at the end of this tunnel somewhere.
Hell yeah!
Maybe get a cat or if you have enough time, a dog? They are the best to make you feel better. Even if you just ask your friends or neighbors to walk their dog a little and cuddle, it is like a therapy session.
Maybe get a cat or if you have enough time, a dog? They are the best to make you feel better. Even if you just ask your friends or neighbors to walk their dog a little and cuddle, it is like a therapy session.
I would start with a goldfish or a houseplant...dogs and cats are a serious commitment, but just one small living thing that needs you every day can be really, really helpful. A nice green plant by a window can be extremely soothing, especially at this time of year.
Good luck, OP. I would recommend some kind of exercise -- just anything that gets you feeling good and helps you to sleep at night.
Holy crap dear one, what a mess. I'm glad you're out of that abusive relationship and a certain amount of depression post a traumatic event like that is normal. However, if you're in such a dark place that you do not want to live anymore, then I suggest you go to the ER and check yourself in to the psych ward for a couple of days. They will regulate your meds and get you on more even ground. Two months is far to long to wait to see your psychiatrist, especially if you're in such a delicate state. DO NOT GO BACK TO THAT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP! You can turn your life around, but you have to have the right people in it, and your ex is not one of those right people. Good luck to you and I hope you are on the track to wellness soon.
Have you considered moving away to another state ? I mean it might be best since then he would not know where you are . Yes def get a dog and a big dog so just the bark will frighten someone away . God bless you for what you have been through and congrats on leaving him , not too many women do until it is too late . I wish you luck I know how hard this can be and you must keep yourself together no matter what it will get better and you will be strong for it .
So it's 2016 and I finally decided I'd had enough. I decided it's a new year, perfect time to start fresh and move on. The guy I had been dating for 3 years kept getting more and more progressively violent towards me. The week before Christmas, he drank a fifth and forced me onto the floor, ripping my shirt apart and screaming I was a retard while spitting on my face and slapping me.
That was my breaking point.
I had a few drinks myself but just remember running to my car anyway, thinking nothing could be worse than what he was about to do to me potentially. He had gotten out of control like this before and I knew he was completely out of his mind. He barricaded me from the door but I started screaming and he knew the neighbors could hear. I remember it was freezing out and I slept in a parking lot because I didn't want a DUI.
I spent Christmas alone.
I spent New Year's alone.
I fell into a major depression, cut my hair, dyed it. Trying to do anything to feel better and new again. I stopped drinking. Started exercising. The problem is my depression is only getting worse no matter what I try.
I get home from work and lay on my bed and cry. I stopped eating. I know this is not normal. I made an appointment with my psychiatrist. The problem is that appointment isn't for another two months he's so booked. I feel helpless and don't know where to turn. I feel myself falling into this further and faster every day and it's scary. And on top of it, he keeps calling and won't leave me alone. What in God's name should I do?
Get an order of protection.
Give yourself time to get over this. Maybe you need to cry, as you have done.
Also....Try another therapist who can see you sooner. Good luck.
Focus on the here and now and not the past or future. Be healthy now. Stay away from and avoid him now. Heal your mind now. There will be a time when now is better but it takes time.
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