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Not trying to make this about the battle of the sexes but men generally are problem solvers while women like to talk things out. I'm wondering if this applies when it comes to therapists?
A female therapist I had just nodded and jotted everything down that I said, left lots of space and then reflected.
Three male therapists I have had approached my issues head on and offered me solutions like meditating and relaxing. Those are good solutions but I now realize I want to figure things out. I want to know why I have the issues I do. I guess nobody can really tell me but me so maybe that's why they haven't tried to help me figure it out.
Just wondering if I should ask for a female therapist next time.
There is much more variation among therapists because of their theoretical orientation, training, age, and personality, more than gender.
I've dealt with a lot of clients over the years who stated at intake that they preferred a therapist of one gender or another. When I was in charge of assigning cases, I would ask what their reason was, and explain that I would try but it's not always possible.
One female client might say she prefers a female because she was raped and molested by a male as a child, and further traumatized by men in adulthood. She tends to feel anxious and tense with most men, and may project a lot of stuff onto any man who tries to help. I would definitely assign a female therapist.
Another client might say she wants a female therapist because in her experience, females are better listeners, and she can relate to them better. I might decide to assign her to a male, who I know is a very good listener and who is very relatable, because it would be, clinically, a beneficial opportunity for growth for the client.
Most therapists also do not "solve problems." If you are going to a therapist seeking advice, you will probably do better with a life coach or something else. Most licensed psychotherapy professions have a stance on NOT putting our opinions on a client, and NOT telling them what to do. I only tell someone what they should do if they are in danger or endangering someone else. Otherwise, I help them explore all their options, motivations, feelings, impulses, plans, goals, barriers, and then they have the "aha" and decide what to do based on that.
I would definitely "tell them what to do" when it came to interventions and exercises, but that's not the same. Like, I might give homework in between sessions, to practice something, journal about something, or act on some plan we put together in session--like starting a conversation with someone or applying to 2 jobs before next session. But those are the interventions, not how they should proceed with life.
I've worked with many male clinicians who were great at helping clients explore, self-examine, and figure themselves out. You need to look at their professional style more than their gender.
Practicing psychologist here and I totally agree with the above poster. There are many, many men (I say this because therapy used to be primarily a "man's profession" back in the day) who were trained in the psychoanalytic tradition, which is non-directive in the extreme. Asking the therapist's theoretical orientation is the most important question. If you're looking for someone to teach you specific skills, for example, find someone with a cognitive-behavioral orientation. If you just want someone to listen, look for someone who considers him/herself to be Rogerian in orientation.
Not trying to make this about the battle of the sexes but men generally are problem solvers while women like to talk things out. I'm wondering if this applies when it comes to therapists?
A female therapist I had just nodded and jotted everything down that I said, left lots of space and then reflected.
Three male therapists I have had approached my issues head on and offered me solutions like meditating and relaxing. Those are good solutions but I now realize I want to figure things out. I want to know why I have the issues I do. I guess nobody can really tell me but me so maybe that's why they haven't tried to help me figure it out.
Just wondering if I should ask for a female therapist next time.
I think it depends in large part on the type or style of therapy they're trained to do. Some are trained to do the old-fashioned Freudian method of just letting the patient blather on, as the therapist passively takes notes. Others favor a more involved style, giving the patient helpful feedback, and may or may not make recommendations or assign "homework". It's not a gender-based thing. It's about the methods they chose to study and concentrate on in their psych education.
So what you should be asking when you check potential therapists out on the phone is what type of therapy they practice, to what extent they interact with the patient during the session, and so forth.
Practicing psychologist here and I totally agree with the above poster. There are many, many men (I say this because therapy used to be primarily a "man's profession" back in the day) who were trained in the psychoanalytic tradition, which is non-directive in the extreme. Asking the therapist's theoretical orientation is the most important question. If you're looking for someone to teach you specific skills, for example, find someone with a cognitive-behavioral orientation. If you just want someone to listen, look for someone who considers him/herself to be Rogerian in orientation.
A friend of mine who's a psychologist/therapist said that that "extremely non-directive" style, where the analyst is uninvolved except to take notes, doesn't work for some patients. She said some patients are unable to maintain a running monologue for a whole hour, or even for more than a few minutes, because, as she explained it, it takes a certain amount of "ego strength" to be able to blather on incessantly. Without some interaction and discussion, some patients run out of steam early in the session, and have nothing more to say.
So much more progress has been made in the field since that old psychoanalysis method was first developed. It's a great thing that research has resulted in a variety of methodologies, and recognition of the fact that not all patients respond to a standard method or treatment.
Not trying to make this about the battle of the sexes but men generally are problem solvers while women like to talk things out. I'm wondering if this applies when it comes to therapists?
A female therapist I had just nodded and jotted everything down that I said, left lots of space and then reflected.
Three male therapists I have had approached my issues head on and offered me solutions like meditating and relaxing. Those are good solutions but I now realize I want to figure things out. I want to know why I have the issues I do. I guess nobody can really tell me but me so maybe that's why they haven't tried to help me figure it out.
Just wondering if I should ask for a female therapist next time.
That's not a male or female issue; it's about the therapist's training and theoretical framework. Some are trained in classical psychoanalytic technique, with a lot of listening and very little feedback. They feel the answers are waiting inside you and you can bring them out in a non-judgmental atmosphere. The more assertive ones were probably trained in something more along the lines of rational-emotive, brief solution-focused therapy or something else that involves more confrontation and strategizing.
Not trying to make this about the battle of the sexes but men generally are problem solvers while women like to talk things out. I'm wondering if this applies when it comes to therapists?
A female therapist I had just nodded and jotted everything down that I said, left lots of space and then reflected.
Three male therapists I have had approached my issues head on and offered me solutions like meditating and relaxing. Those are good solutions but I now realize I want to figure things out. I want to know why I have the issues I do. I guess nobody can really tell me but me so maybe that's why they haven't tried to help me figure it out.
Just wondering if I should ask for a female therapist next time.
Speaking as a therapy student with both males and females in my program, we are all trained in the same way, which is, among other things, a way that highlights that our primary objective is to listen, and not to problem-solve FOR a client. Effective therapy isn't a "Here's your solution, now go do it," thing. When a therapist recommends exploring things like meditation and relaxation measures, they're not "solving your problems," they're suggesting tools you might find effective to address anxiety and get to a place where you are able to learn more about what you are thinking and feeling, because anxiety often clouds this. It's entirely possible that through the benefits that may be reaped through relaxation techniques, you may be better able to figure things out.
And, no, nobody can really tell you. There are many different styles of therapy, schools of psychoanalyitic theory, etc., and they all vary somewhat in their approach and priorities. Some types of therapy are oriented to longer-term treatment, some are designed to be more brief and solutions-focused (look for a major upswing to continue in this, due to the intricacies of managed care). But even in brief, solution-focused therapy, it's not auto mechanics, where you go in, somebody tinkers and finds the problem and fixes it for you, and it's all good. Therapists provide support and guidance on working through your own stuff.
Clients DO sometimes prefer a female clinician over male, or the reverse, but it's typically because that's what THEY are most comfortable with, and being comfortable with who you are interacting with is of paramount importance. But it's not necessarily because of any inherent sex-related difference in therapists. Therapists vary by approach due to training, schooling, personal preference for certain psychodynamic theories, etc. But not so much due to sex.
A friend of mine who's a psychologist/therapist said that that "extremely non-directive" style, where the analyst is uninvolved except to take notes, doesn't work for some patients. She said some patients are unable to maintain a running monologue for a whole hour, or even for more than a few minutes, because, as she explained it, it takes a certain amount of "ego strength" to be able to blather on incessantly. Without some interaction and discussion, some patients run out of steam early in the session, and have nothing more to say.
So much more progress has been made in the field since that old psychoanalysis method was first developed. It's a great thing that research has resulted in a variety of methodologies, and recognition of the fact that not all patients respond to a standard method or treatment.
Yep, some clients find notetaking in session EXTREMELY offputting, some will talk nonstop and you have to cut them off, essentially to end the session, some really need to be drawn out, some want a lot of input, others just want to be heard by a nonjudgmental ear and work it out on their own, etc. No matter your theoretical orientation, every client's needs are a little different.
The women are more likely to look better, but they all vary in terms of patient satisfaction and other factors.
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