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Hello,
I am 29 years old, never married (but in a LTR), no kids. Recently I went on a splurge of Faceook friend add-- adding lots of old high school classmates, both from my class and 3+/- above and below. We were a fairly small school. It was a very weird feeling to see several of my classmates married, with children. It just made me feel..behind. I don't feel ready to have children right now. I would like to get settled with a house, and to move into a higher paying position at work. I also work nights. I work for the airline industry, so right now, the gf and I love to travel. We are able to travel at a very discounted rate. We were planning to get as much travel in as we can while we're young, and then settle down.
Any good suggestions? Has this happened to you? I know that being married and having children isn't everything, and obviously they have their own stressors, but it still makes me feel behind. Besides delete Facebook!
It also may be worth noting that I am ~ 2,000 miles away from many of these people. 50% stayed in the state, and the others have moved elsewhere. Regardless, no change of bumping into anyone.
Only real suggestion is to talk to your SO about your goals and to brainstorm plans together regarding life and family, make sure you are on the same page.
P.S. When I was born, my mother was 32 years old and my father was almost 36. I'm an only child...
I'm in my 30s and not married ,I don't care in the least if "I'm behind",alot of married people after five or so years are miserable,having affairs,dead bedrooms,kids driving them crazy,no time to themself, and sucking up all their money.they can never like me work minimally because they have kids to pay for.
They all followed the standard path, without really thinking of the responsibilities it entails.
And my high school friends,my god I've never seen a bigger bunch of losers,married to the guy they went to high school with,fat as houses,three or four kids,never left the suburb we grew up in.
Last edited by Katiethegreat; 02-05-2017 at 03:49 PM..
Only real suggestion is to talk to your SO about your goals and to brainstorm plans together regarding life and family, make sure you are on the same page.
P.S. When I was born, my mother was 32 years old and my father was almost 36. I'm an only child...
Stop comparing yourself to others. Enjoy the perks of working where you do. I'm certain a ton of (un)happily married couples would love to be able to see the world at a discounted price. Hell, I'm also certain they would love to have the opportunity to just do it regardless of how much a trip would cost. Children tend to become an anchor and killer of dreams and ambitions. You're in a unique spot. Even though most people with children would never admit it, they envy you. Look at all that money you're saving by not having children!
As for myself, I have dealt with all the interrogative questioning by people about why I haven't ever married or have children of my own. It's simply because I don't want to, I enjoy my time alone, enjoy being able to do what I want and went I want, coming home to a quaint quiet home of my own, and all that other crap is simply a huge social expectation as I owe the world nothing. That explanation usually brings the interrogation to an abrupt end.
I learned a long time ago not to compare one's own life with the appearances of others. I have a friend who, when I met her family, I thought they were the Perfect family. Her mother was cute and trim and funny, dad was tall and very handsome, she and her brothers were all beautiful, they had a lovely home in an upscale community with a pool. Turns out her dad was a recovering alcoholic, mom had borderline personality disorder, one of the brothers is bipolar, her parents later divorced and her father is divorcing a second time. Appearances mean nothing. And Facebook appearances mean even less.
I was married for 30 years before my husband died. He was not the easiest person to live with, but neither was I. I miss him a lot...but at the same time in some ways my life is easier and even better in some ways now. After 3 years, everyone is after me to "start dating" and it's the last thing I want to do. NO life is perfect. EVERY way of life has plusses and minuses. Ultimately it all depends on how you look at it and knowing what YOU want.
I know too many people who were unable to distinguish between what they wanted to do and what their parents wanted them to do. So they listened to the parent voices which were louder...and now they are miserable.
You are absolutely right. I try to appreciate what I have now without planning. But that only last a day or 2. Then I wake up feeling empty, like I need something to work toward. I am most happiest when I am planning toward something. Of course there are million things I need to work on, starting with my weight loss plan and my relationship with my family. But some how I those goals are never the one I want to work on. Instead I want something different
I can't believe this is my post almost a year ago. I felt this way last year, all of last year. I really wanted change: change in my job, change in my persona life (maybe a baby), change to my inner personal.... but this year, after my big trip to 3rd world country & a new reorganization at work that didn't impact my position for first time in 6 years, I realize i am not looking at future. I am too focused on now. Strange how our thought process changes
Being from a small town too, I understand the expectations of others, and the feeling of being behind. I'm OP's age and many of my high school classmates and peers my age have children in elementary school, a handful have middle schoolers. Many have been married for years - some are divorced and remarried. I've also lived in two major metros where being married at my age was not that common, much less children.
I've never had any desire to be a father, and am nowhere near ready to be a dad anyway. I work in IT, which is a generally unstable career field, and have not been able to stay at a professional job for more than two years. Being in this small town, it's likely I'll have to move again if something happens to my current employment. I don't feel nearly stable enough to be able to provide for a child. I get the grandparents talk from my parents, but I basically ignore it - I am under no obligation to sire children just so they can have grandkids to dote on.
If someone has triggers for jealousy, resentment, envy or being nosey, they should stay off social media sites in general.
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