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Have you ever watched the movie 50 Shades of Gray?
It's funny ..here is a sweet attractive girl, 4.0 Grad student...and virgin.
She waits for the guy that she wants...and it's a billionaire...not too shabby.
Wait for what you want.
If people say things to you you don't care for...SMILE and confidently say ,
'The right one will come along'...and walk away....leave them with that.
I will never be in a relationship again, ick...(28 years of a couple of 'em was plenty)...
'wipe up your own toast crumbs and get your own beer from the fridge'.
I'm done.
And very happy!
LOL! She waits for the guy she wants, and he's a creeper stalker who dominates, controls, and abuses her and she thinks it's sexy. But those are just details.
I hear you on the never being in a relationship again. I can't picture it. I just can't. Maybe someday, but it's really hard for me to imagine.
I doubt you will fall in love with a guy your age. You are too far ahead mentally. If you decide to look for a mate, I suggest to look for somebody in the 30+ range.
I wouldn't.. at 23, that's a pretty big age gap, and they usually don't work out too well, whether the younger person is mature for their age or not (and that completely overlooks the reasons for the older person being interested which are often not good or extremely shallow). Maybe just hold off on serious relationships until you're slightly older. In the mean time, focus on other things, or play the field. There is no rush - you're young, and there is plenty of time to find 'a mate'.
This is way, WAY too young to worry about anything. If you were 30, I'd say, well...but not 23!
Remember there are a lot of guys out there who think that a young woman who isn't "giving it" to somebody, is a terrible waste. And a lot of girls your age who ARE giving it to somebody, just want you to be sharing in their misery. Life may well dole out its share of misery to you, but you get to pick your poison!
I think that other people might just like to label you with "fear of intimacy" because they just can't understand why someone would be content to not be in a relationship.
The majority of the population feels a strong driving need to be a part of a couple. So then they encounter someone who does not have that intense need, they can only wrap their mind around it by deciding that you have something wrong with you. You must have had your heart broken. You must be defending yourself. You must have a fear of intimacy.
I've been part of a couple for much of my adult life, but now I am happily, contentedly single, with no urge to find a partner. If I eventually trip over some guy who happens to be very compatible with me, that's fine. But I have no need to go looking. Ever since I've been in this content, independent phase of my life, I can't even count how many people have tried to "diagnose" me with a fear of intimacy. It's often the same people who are engaged in all kind of relationship conflict, drama, or dissatisfaction.
Just say to those other people, "No I don't have a fear of intimacy, but it seems like you have a fear of independence."
[quote=Miss Hepburn;43552103]Have you ever watched the movie 50 Shades of Gray?
It's funny ..here is a sweet attractive girl, 4.0 Grad student...and virgin.
She waits for the guy that she wants...and it's a billionaire...not too shabby.
Wait for what you want.
If people say things to you you don't care for...SMILE and confidently say ,
'The right one will come along'...and walk away....leave them with that.
I will never be in a relationship again, ick...(28 years of a couple of 'em was plenty)...
'wipe up your own toast crumbs and get your own beer from the fridge'.
I'm done.
And very happy!
One size does not fit all and not everyone is lucky enough to find the love of their life. I think it's horribly sad when people desperately want that connection and never find it.
I wasn't interested in getting married again when John came along. I kept turning him down but he strong armed me into marrying him. I never regretted it, well maybe a couple of times, but he's still the love of my life.
These things happen whether we want them to or not. Either way your life can be happy if you make it so. The only stigma attached to being single belongs to the one size fits all mentality.
I don't find a problem with it at all to be honest.
Like I mentioned before, it's probably due to the fact that I believe not everybody is the same. I don't like to follow behind stereotypes, or try to fit everyone into one little box. My definition of normal and the actual definition of the word is different. I'm not harming anyone or myself so to me I am normal. I believe this is just who I am as a person because I can't think of any situation that shaped me to be this way.
I thought about a therapist just to get down to the root of it. But that's only because I've had people constantly in my ear that I am suppressing something, I may have a mental issue/block, I'm afraid, or just too picky. I used to question myself about this, but it was a fleeting feeling I'm sure everyone has from time to time. So talking to one, would be a waste of time probably.
Though my friends think it's odd, they expressed that they have a lot respect for me.
Part of me believes that you don't find a problem with it. Part of me believes that you secretly wonder what is wrong with you.
No one else can know your heart. If you are content and happy the way you are, then don't concern yourself with what others think about you. No one can take care of you but you.
If you suspect that there is an issue that complicates your romantic interest, then I advise you to get to the bottom of it if you can. You want to go forward throughout your life with no "what ifs" as you approach your senior years. In other words, not addressing this, might keep you from being the complete person you would want to be. I say might, because I don't know. There are many things I can think of that make you uninterested in relationships. You say you used to have crushes, but now you don't. Don't you want to know why?
If I am off base, then forgive me and forget my comments. As I said part of me believes that you truly don't think you have a problem. But then why did you ask for advice?
Part of me believes that you don't find a problem with it. Part of me believes that you secretly wonder what is wrong with you.
No one else can know your heart. If you are content and happy the way you are, then don't concern yourself with what others think about you. No one can take care of you but you.
If you suspect that there is an issue that complicates your romantic interest, then I advise you to get to the bottom of it if you can. You want to go forward throughout your life with no "what ifs" as you approach your senior years. In other words, not addressing this, might keep you from being the complete person you would want to be. I say might, because I don't know. There are many things I can think of that make you uninterested in relationships. You say you used to have crushes, but now you don't. Don't you want to know why?
If I am off base, then forgive me and forget my comments. As I said part of me believes that you truly don't think you have a problem. But then why did you ask for advice?
I just wanted to see what other's definition of what that fear may be. I was really just curious.
Like another poster touched on, I think it's funny when some people can't wrap their head around someone being single so they basically try to "diagnose" a "problem" where there is none.
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