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Example if someone doesn't want to come and has nothing else to do but go about their daily lives but says they have other plans, isn't that dishonest, or at best a half truth, why would one not say instead of saying sorry I have other plans to say I just don't want to go or it does not interest me? why are people so evasive of providing these details when rsvping to others? and besides another thing that really annoying me if they do have other plans and its not just a cover up for not wanting to go, why don't they reveal to me what there other plans actually are, example going away, going to a family thing, etc. to me thats a half truth at best, why not reveal the full story then?
Please help me on this one, I would really like to know, I am one who reveals all.
Example if someone doesn't want to come and has nothing else to do but go about their daily lives but says they have other plans, isn't that dishonest, or at best a half truth, why would one not say instead of saying sorry I have other plans to say I just don't want to go or it does not interest me? why are people so evasive of providing these details when rsvping to others? and besides another thing that really annoying me if they do have other plans and its not just a cover up for not wanting to go, why don't they reveal to me what there other plans actually are, example going away, going to a family thing, etc. to me thats a half truth at best, why not reveal the full story then?
Please help me on this one, I would really like to know, I am one who reveals all.
Simple. They are trying to not hurt your feelings. And frankly, they don't owe you any details, just a yes or no as to whether they plan to attend.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick
No one owes you an explanation.
All that is required is an answer to the RSVP.
Why do you feel all must be "revealed" to you, when it really is none of your business?
Agreed, I would never give a reason on a formal RSVP, simply decline. It's impolite to be truthful and say something like say "it sounds boring so no thanks" and would hurt someone's feelings for no reason.
For a close relationship, and a big event, I would likely follow up and clarify my regrets to the person, like, "Sorry, dear friend of twenty years, I will miss your wedding, because that's the same week my baby is due and it's not advised that I travel out of state." For, like, a coworker's Pampered Chef party? "Sorry, can't make it," is sufficient.
If they have a legit reason (family event, vacation, birthday party, etc.), they'll say it. But saying, "I have other plans" is a euphemism for "I don't want to go."
To answer your question, because "I don't want to go" sounds whiny and childish, and normal adults don't want to sound like that.
Another reason that someone else already said is that they don't want to hurt your feelings. If they really said, "I"m not interested" or "I don't want to go," you'll feel what's wrong with your party (or whatever it is) that they're not interested in going?
They may not feel it's anyone's business what alternate plans they have. It's okay for them to say "I have other plans" and leave it at that.
The only time I would feel obliged to give an honest explanation would be if I had to miss a funeral, then I would be upfront about why (I can't afford to travel, I'm sick, etc) and I would send my condolences to the family.
It only bugs me when people don't respond at all with a yes or no.
Most people can't accept the truth. When a person says they aren't going to attend because they 'don't feel like going', the recipient, more often than not, will take it personal.
Makes it easier all the way around to just reply that one has other plans.
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